Hellathon Week 5.9: All by my lonesome

Tonight my every-loving husband is going to be here, at the local community center ping-pong tournament.

I'll be home. Alone. On a Friday night. Studying. [cue the violins]

That's one of the worst things about this whole bar study experience, the solitude. Although there are at least 50 people in my classes every night, they don't know me from Adam. But they all know each other!

During break times I cast around forlornly, looking for a kind soul to befriend, but so far I've only made a couple abortive attempts.

First there was Bridget, a skinny trendy white girl who seemed alarmed when I accidently blurted out, "Where do you live?" I guess that's kind of a creepy question to ask someone you just met 2 seconds ago. After that botched intro, she proceeded to take a seat far far away from me in the waaaay back of class.

Next there was Mike, a slightly chubby white guy with a full beard and a friendly smile. We made polite chit-chat and then I too eagerly started grilling him about his Barbri experience. How many hours do you study? How are you memorizing your outlines? Did you pass the graded essay?

I think he thinks I'm really lame (for good reason) and doesn't say 'hi' to me anymore.

Everyone else I just can't seem to get any traction with. A smile, some eye-contact--it always get slapped away with a frown. Sheesh people, whatever happened to being friendly?!

So now I'm a total loner, which is probably the hardest part of this whole horrid experience. I can't compare notes, feel reassurance from others' literal and moral failures, or even commiserate with the only people who truly know the special kind of pain that is Barbri.

But it does make me grateful for my number one friend, Michael. Except when he abandons me for the love of the sport. Sigh.

Hellathon Week 5: Bitterness and Gall

I'm entering a new phase in bar study time, marked by intense feelings of rage and bitterness.

I'm starting to hate everyone and everything in sight as my bitterness toward Barbri grows to unprecedented proportions.

I resent their stupid Paced Program schedule that I've never been able to follow. Are they kidding me? I have to work my ass off just to do HALF the things on their damn list!

I resent their stupid study suggestions: 5-8 hours a day. 5-8 hours a day?! Impossible! My back hurts, I've given up tv, I barely check my email, I don't exercise, I eat crap, and I can only eek out at most 3-6 hours a day.

I resent their stupid graded assignments. Go ahead, fail me. Fail every single one of my essays. Fail me for the multiple-choice questions. Fail me for the performance exams. Up yours! I'm starting to nurture a cynical attitude to the whole process. Of course it's in Barbri's best interest to fail students...makes them study harder, lights a huge bonfire under their ass...not much downside for them either...

And I resent this whole notion of having to take the bar at all! I went through 3 years of an ABA accredited lawschool. Isn't that enough for you people?! You're the ones that certified my lawschool in the first place! Why the heck would you certify the school if you weren't assured that its graduates would be competent members of your oh so precious bar?!?!?!?!

Sigh.

Poor Michael. I'm a b*tch to live with.

:-)

Thank you Brooks

This, from a guy who was (and maybe still is) pro-Obama:

The Two Obamas
David Brooks, NYTimes

God, Republicans are saps. They think that they’re running against some academic liberal who wouldn’t wear flag pins on his lapel, whose wife isn’t proud of America and who went to some liberationist church where the pastor damned his own country. They think they’re running against some naïve university-town dreamer, the second coming of Adlai Stevenson.

But as recent weeks have made clear, Barack Obama is the most split-personality politician in the country today. On the one hand, there is Dr. Barack, the high-minded, Niebuhr-quoting speechifier who spent this past winter thrilling the Scarlett Johansson set and feeling the fierce urgency of now. But then on the other side, there’s Fast Eddie Obama, the promise-breaking, tough-minded Chicago pol who’d throw you under the truck for votes.

This guy is the whole Chicago package: an idealistic, lakefront liberal fronting a sharp-elbowed machine operator. He’s the only politician of our lifetime who is underestimated because he’s too intelligent. He speaks so calmly and polysyllabically that people fail to appreciate the Machiavellian ambition inside.

But he’s been giving us an education, for anybody who cares to pay attention. Just try to imagine Mister Rogers playing the agent Ari in “Entourage” and it all falls into place.

Back when he was in the Illinois State Senate, Dr. Barack could have taken positions on politically uncomfortable issues. But Fast Eddie Obama voted “present” nearly 130 times. From time to time, he threw his voting power under the truck.

Dr. Barack said he could no more disown the Rev. Jeremiah Wright than disown his own grandmother. Then the political costs of Rev. Wright escalated and Fast Eddie Obama threw Wright under the truck.

Dr. Barack could have been a workhorse senator. But primary candidates don’t do tough votes, so Fast Eddie Obama threw the workhorse duties under the truck.

Dr. Barack could have changed the way presidential campaigning works. John McCain offered to have a series of extended town-hall meetings around the country. But favored candidates don’t go in for unscripted free-range conversations. Fast Eddie Obama threw the new-politics mantra under the truck.

And then on Thursday, Fast Eddie Obama had his finest hour. Barack Obama has worked on political reform more than any other issue. He aspires to be to political reform what Bono is to fighting disease in Africa. He’s spent much of his career talking about how much he believes in public financing. In January 2007, he told Larry King that the public-financing system works. In February 2007, he challenged Republicans to limit their spending and vowed to do so along with them if he were the nominee. In February 2008, he said he would aggressively pursue spending limits. He answered a Midwest Democracy Network questionnaire by reminding everyone that he has been a longtime advocate of the public-financing system.

But Thursday, at the first breath of political inconvenience, Fast Eddie Obama threw public financing under the truck. In so doing, he probably dealt a death-blow to the cause of campaign-finance reform. And the only thing that changed between Thursday and when he lauded the system is that Obama’s got more money now.

And Fast Eddie Obama didn’t just sell out the primary cause of his life. He did it with style. He did it with a video so risibly insincere that somewhere down in the shadow world, Lee Atwater is gaping and applauding. Obama blamed the (so far marginal) Republican 527s. He claimed that private donations are really public financing. He made a cut-throat political calculation seem like Mother Teresa’s final steps to sainthood.

The media and the activists won’t care (they were only interested in campaign-finance reform only when the Republicans had more money). Meanwhile, Obama’s money is forever. He’s got an army of small donors and a phalanx of big money bundlers, including, according to The Washington Post, Kenneth Griffin of the Citadel Investment Group; Kirk Wager, a Florida trial lawyer; James Crown, a director of General Dynamics; and Neil Bluhm, a hotel, office and casino developer.

I have to admit, I’m ambivalent watching all this. On the one hand, Obama did sell out the primary cause of his professional life, all for a tiny political advantage. If he’ll sell that out, what won’t he sell out? On the other hand, global affairs ain’t beanbag. If we’re going to have a president who is going to go toe to toe with the likes of Vladimir Putin, maybe it is better that he should have a ruthlessly opportunist Fast Eddie Obama lurking inside.

All I know for sure is that this guy is no liberal goo-goo. Republicans keep calling him naïve. But naïve is the last word I’d use to describe Barack Obama. He’s the most effectively political creature we’ve seen in decades. Even Bill Clinton wasn’t smart enough to succeed in politics by pretending to renounce politics.

Hellathon Week 4: WT"F"?!

Today I got back my first graded assignment from Barbri, an essay on Torts.

I thought I did a reasonably good job. I expected to pass with a pretty good margin. Afterall, I attended all the lectures, dutifully attended to my outline, and gave back almost verbatim all the rules and elements they told me.

So imagine my horror at the big "F" staring me in the face on the last page of my assignment.

An "F" for fail. Are you kidding me?! Usually I would feel embarrassed about failing something, but instead, I just feel pissed off. Really. Pissed. Off.

Now is not the time for misdirection and lack of clarity! Was my essay really unpassable, or was the grader just lacking incentive to grade more accurately? Did I not pass because I didn't apply IRAC throughout, or just because I failed to do so in one isolated area of privacy torts? Why were vast paragraphs unmarked and only one commented on?

The most frustrating part is that I don't think I'll get any good answers to these questions. There's no one to ask! I go to class and watch a video everyday!

Argh.

Class of 2008

Michael loves making collages: (click to enlarge)


Left to right, top to bottom:

1. My beautiful family
2. The Girls
3. Me and Bobby (not McGee): future firm officemates
4. Overuling Emily!
5. Me and Stanley, guarantor of endless room and board in Hawaii?
6. Me and Scott, fellow Bay Area native
7. Me and Rebecca--I'm calling it now: Circuit Court Judge
8. Me and Mike--my first friend in law school.
9. Lovely Alanna!
10. First workgroup, fun!

Hellathon Week 3: Languishing in Barland

There's something about weekends that make you naturally reflective about the past week.

As I reflect on my past week, I see nothing but inefficiency and disappointment. My lofty goal of studying 5 hours a day (aside from the 4 hour lectures) were never met. Not even for one day. On average, I studied a pathetic 2.5 hours per day.

After having a mild panic attack, I vow to do better next week.

I will start memorizing substantive law.
I will take shorter breaks.
I will study 5-6 hours a day!

Nothing soothes the bitter gall of regret like the balm of over-optimism. Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night...

Even the bar is better in California!

Now that I've been on California soil for almost a week, it's starting to sink in how superior this golden state is to New England.

I love the temperate weather, the lack of sporadic rain showers, the wide boulevards, even studying for the bar has become so much more bearable here! Dare I say it, my life has actually taken on a rather relaxing rhythm:

Wake up, study.
Lunch break, study.
Chore break, study.
Go to bar lectures,
sleep.

It also helps tremendously that this temporary sublet has no tv and internet. For entertainment I'm now resorting to looking at the pictures saved on my computer--how sad is that! Oh internet shopping, if only I could peruse your virtual aisles once again...

The last bar lecturer I've had was fantastic: David Epstein. Don't let the name fool you. I expected a typical Jewish looking fellow. Instead, the man is blond-haired, fair skinned, and sports the thickest Texan accent I've ever heard!

He has an uncommon love for Sharon Stone and manages to work her into most of his hypotheticals. The key point in the hypo also always manages to turn on whether or not Sharon Stone was doing something rather intimate with him...like being in the shower. I kid you not, that was an actual dispositive fact!

On the last day of his lectures Epstein suprised us all by wearing a t-shirt. Most lecturers sport a button-down and tie. On the shirt was a picture of the lovely Sharon Stone with her name on it. Halfway through the lecture his microphone clip slips and he fumbles to clip it back to his shirt. While doing so he says in his thick accent, "I'm sorry to have to fondle Ms. Stone in front of y'all." The class erupts in laughter and Epstein flushes a deep red.

I love this guy.

First of many...more to come...

Happy Graduation to me and the Class of 2008!

Alice in transit

Packing, shipping, moving
all my crap
to California!

Hopping on a plane tomorrow,
Never to live in Mass again.

Graduation was a blur but
I have pictures to remind me...

Will post more when the hurricane of displacement dispels.

Total aside: I can't believe Obama has clenched the Dem nomination!!!! Will Hillary be VP?!

Hellathon Day 7 & 8

Long dry lectures by one of the most brilliant minds in Constituional Law jurisprudence: Erwin Chemerinsky. It was an honor and a chore.

What made it worst though were his constant corny puns. To wit:

Concerning a case about the government taxing wheat:
"I guess the government really wants its dough."
[class groans]
"What? I thought you'd all get a rise out of that."
[class groans more]
"But I'm on a roll!"
[class wretches]

Tomorrow: graduation! Thank goodness I finally get a break from class (but not from the 4-6 hour homework schedule). Sleeping in today felt amazing!

Hellathon Day 6

Tired. In every way.

Must keep reminding myself that this is a pass/fail exam.

The amount of homework that does not get done is rising like a tide. Usually I can do 50% of the assignments. But now with packing and graduation activities coming to a swell, I can do about 20%. Sigh.