Travelblogue: Week 6 of 13

Monday, June 18th: Back to work

I never thought I'd say this, but it was great to be back. After hell-week my quiet office stocked with snacks and water seems like a haven of rest and quiet. I almost forget I'm at work until I get my next assignment late in the day.

My next case is Wilma Jones (name changed for confidentiality). We're trying to reduce her murder sentence by pleading a defense built around domestic violence. Her life story comes straight out of some hard-journalistic documentary on crack-addicts, welfare moms, and abusive men. I'm thrilled to work on Wilma's case, not because I particularly care about her, but because I find criminal law fascinating.

Tuesday, June 19th: Hi-ho, hi-ho

For the first time in many years I actually look forward to going to work in the mornings. Crim law rocks. Spent all day reading about domestic violence theories of defenses and sordid tales of abuse and dysfunction. Kind of hits too close to home and causes some introspection on my part. Hmmm, this explains a lot...

Went to the beautiful home of one of the partners for dinner and a cooking class. We all donned blue aprons from the Hands-on Gourmet before making various parts of our meal: sushi, pulled-mozarella salad, crab cakes, tandoori chicken, and rasberry filled donuts.


Frankly there was a lot of standing around and drinking while the Hands-on staff did all the cooking as we watched on. Ha! But I was glad to finally learn how to make sushi after all these years of enjoying it.

Wednesday, June 20th: More "work"

Had another fun day researching domestic violence stuff. Had an awkward lunch with two older partners who are pretty quiet. Think: crickets chirping for two hours with occasional awkward phrases. Keep head down, chew, smile, sip some water.

Thursday, June 21st: Wilma, I hardly knew ya'

Today I was told to put the Wilma case away while I worked on a more pressing issue for a corporate client. I don't mind, but the Wilma stuff was just getting good! I hope Wilma's case is still waiting for me when I finish with this new assignment.

Friday, June 22nd: Don't remember.

I can't recall anything worth noting about today...

Saturday, June 23rd: Napa Trip

Today my firm rented a mini-bus and took about 12 of us on an all day wine-tasting excursion in Napa, where else?



Our first stop was Neal Vineyards, owned by Mr. Neal who is a wine FANATIC. The man makes his wine for pleasure, not for profit and subsidizes his operations with funds from other commercial transactions. If you ever want QUALITY cabernets and zinfandels, think Neal. He spares no expense.




Then we had some good ol' fashioned "American" food at Taylor's. I don't know why my coworkers were surprised that I chowed down on a huge cheeseburger. Somehow people always assume I'm vegetarian. They could not be MORE wrong.


Next we went to Merryvale for a fun food-wine pairing experiment in the cavernous Beauty-and-the-beast-like cask room. I wish I had my wedding reception here (instead it was in a student rec room, yuck!) I'm already thinking, Anniversary Dinner...?


We paired cheeses, salt, lemons, and chocolate with various wines to see how they affected each other. I'll be the first to admit, my taste buds are not discriminating. I just enjoyed chowing down on the cheese and chocolate.


Lastly we visited a small winery that focuses on mixing wines together. I was all "wined out" and just sipped water and played some croquet!






I won two for two! And yes, I cheated some.

Travelblogue: The Lost Week

Saturday, June 9: The kindness of strangers

You are never so helpless than when you are at the end of a 99 person line that won't move. And your plane is taking off in 30 minutes.

I can't tell you how many times I relied on the mercy and kindness of strangers during this most horrendous of days, trying to board the first flight to Boston, being told one thing by the fat man behind the United Airways counter and then being told another by the cranky black woman behind the Delta counter.

"You're not on this flight."

What?! But the man at United Airways told me I was?! Are you saying I dragged my ass down here at 4am this morning for nothing?! And there was no reason for me to stand in line for an hour?!

That's when I realized that standing in line is for sissies. Desparate times call for desparate measures. I became a serial cutter.

I used the short first-class lines despite my economy-class status. I sought out the single, middle-aged man at the front of lines, put on my most desperate girl-in-distress look, and played on that sense of comic-book heroism that makes every boy want to be a fireman at some point in his life: I'm so sorry, but my flight was cancelled last night and I'm supposed to be on this flight that boards in 15 minutes, would you mind if I cut in here? Sorry, sorry, thank you, thank you, thank you soooo much.

Finally, the cramped plane touched down in Boston at 11:30am. I went directly to my workshop training that had started without me, looking and feeling like dog poop.

Sunday, June 10: Recovering

Had another workshop training session today. Finally had time to relax for about 3 hours that evening. Unfortunately 2 of those "free hours" was spent preparing for my very first day of TA-ing, tomorrow.

Here's team Summer 2007 Negotiation Workshop TA Staff:

Monday, June 11: What?!

Today was a blur of activity. The Negotiation Workshop has lawyers, diplomats, and business professionals from all over the world. In my class alone there were 3 people from Brazil, one from Denmark, two from Australia, one from South Korea, one from China, one from Portugal, and even one from the great nation of Canada.

The 16 students in my class ranged in age from late twenties, to late fifties, and all of them made me wonder what the heck I was doing in front of the class when they had more experience and expertise about negotiation in each of their pinkies than I had in my whole body.

Here's me at a cocktail reception wearing my uniform de riguer for the week:



Tuesday, June 12: Just shoot me now

The stamina required for the workshop is herculean. It's an all day summer-camp logistical nightmare. Hand out this simulation packet now, take names for another simulation the next day, review the case using two exercises, make sure a class list is distributed, etc. And that's just the morning.

The workshop is all day, 8am-5pm and then the teaching staff reviews from 5pm-8pm. And then yours truly goes home and collapses in front of the TV for an hour while the technicolor commercials wash over me like intense light-therapy waves. And then I prep for a few hours and then it's straight to bed.

Wednesday, June 13: I hate her

There is a woman in my class who hates me.

Since the first time I looked into her beady little eyes, I knew she was going to be a troublemaker. And you know what? She was. She was rude, disrespectful, talked over me when I addressed the class.

In retrospect I should have firmly told her to raise her hand if she wants to talk, otherwise, be quiet! But at the time I just meekly watched her destroy my authority and credibility with the class and wondered again: what am I doing here?

Thursday, June 14: Exhaustion

More of the same. I wish my supervisors would say encouraging things to me to bouy my flagging spirit but they are tight lipped with the praise. One of them gave me feedback and said what sounded to me like some back-handed compliment: You have good potential.

Let me tell you the subtext of that evaluation: You suck right now.

Friday, June 15: I hate everyone

Tired. Insulted. Plucked of authority. Sad to leave Michael after barely seeing him this week. If I were a flavor of Lay's Potato chips, it would be Salt and Vinegar, except replace salt with piss.

Saturday, June 16: Retail Therapy

Shopped to my little heart's content. Bought a jacket, two pairs of khakis, and a black work blouse. The khakis were 50% off which makes me beam even now when I think about it. They are so essential in the "smart casual" work environment of a SF law firm.

Sunday, June 17: Back to the Bay

Reluctantly boarded a plane back to California, and had a layover at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport. I was extremely impressed by DFW.

Shiny, clean, new. It boasted several namebrand shops: L'Occitaine, Mont Blanc, Fossil, Brookstone, etc. The billboards said: the DFW terminal is larger than Manhattan. What?! I kind of believe it. There was a Grand Hyatt attached directly to the terminal. Imagine that! You don't even have to leave the airport to get to your hotel room!!!! That's convenience!

It was father's day so I hopped right off the plane to join the fam for dinner at a restaurant literally one block away from the house I grew up in. This humble house was my abode from age 6 to 19 and it felt wierd to revisit it. (My bedroom had the window on the right).



As my mom snapped this picture of me, the current dwellers rushed outside and demanded to know what the heck we were doing in front of their house. My mom explained that we used to live here and said something about how the house blesses the residents with good fortune (she definitely let slip the H-bomb).

Leave it to my mom to be superstitous, superficial, AND superfluous, all in one breath!

Travelblogue: Week 4 of 13

Monday, June 4th: Blah
Worked on memo due in two days.

Tuesday, June 5th: Blah
Worked on memo due in one day.

Wednesday, June 6th: Exhale
Turned in memo at 6:53pm. Phew.

Thursday, June 7th: Jetsetting
Flew to DC on the company dime to attend a weekend firm "indoctrination" conference at firm headquarters in DC. Took JetBlue and remembered why I love it so much as I munched on Terra Blue Chips and toggled between HGTV, FoodNetwork, and Comedy Central. Coast-to-coast never seemed less painful.

Stayed at the posh Mandarin Oriental Hotel in DC. My room was more than enough for little ol' me.

The bathroom was my favorite: stocked with exotic-smelling goodies and plush turkish robes. But the best part? The cleanest bathroom you will ever see on God's green earth (not even a single smidge on the grout in between tiles!) and a showerhead with water pressure so strong you could swear little elves are pummeling you. Ahhhh.



Friday, June 8th: Jetsetting part II
Had an 8-hour indoctrination session at the firm. It wasn't so bad. There was at least some humor sprinkled in between the usual rhetoric about excellence, diversity, growth, etc.

At precisely 7:49 pm that night disaster struck. I was waiting to board a flight to take me back to Boston, back to Michael, and on to a week-long intensive workshop at the law school and that's when it happened.

A disembodied voice came over the speakers and informed us our flight--MY FLIGHT! My long-awaited and greedily anticipated flight--had been delayed for two hours.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

This meant that by the time I would get home, it would be near 1am, which meant I would have to go straight to sleep so I wouldn't miss my training orientation bright and early Saturday morning. This meant no talking, luxuriating, and general relaxing with Michael. NO NO NO. This is NOT how it was supposed to be. This was the only time I could spend with Michael before the workshop consumed my life for the next 7 days, after which I would be hopping on a plane back to SF. Argh!

I pouted for a long time and questioned my faith in God. How could He send a storm that delayed my plane?! How could He do this to me! Of all times and places! Sure 8 year old girls are being sold into prostitution every day and war torn villages face deprivation and pillaging from savage rebel soldiers...but THIS, this was wrong!

And then it seemed like God answered my cries.

A lady came up to me and asked if I was waiting for the delayed flight to Boston. Yes, I replied, I was. She said, me too, you know they just announced that it was cancelled. WHAT?! CANCELLED?!

Yeah, she said, I know, sucks.

SUCKS?! You have NO idea. I immediately dragged myself to the service counter to confirm this stranger's bad tidings, feverishly praying that she was mistaken.

The pot-bellied attendant in front of the all-powerful computer monitor punched in a few codes and dryly confirmed my worst fears. For the first time in over a year I felt an overwhelming urge to cry.

These days...

...I've been watching a lot of Ugly Betty.
It's the corny show I didn't want to like but now can't help falling in love with. I think it's kind of irresistable because the characters are refreshingly multi-dimensional while still fulfilling their stereotypical roles. Willhelmina is a cold-hearted snake but has a soft spot for her assistant. Daniel is a playboy lothario but also has enough real vulnerabilities to garner my sympathy. And Betty. Along with her shining personality, she's bossy, plucky, annoying, self-righteous, and in short, a refreshingly real human being.

...I've been casual carpooling everyday.
Today was my nicest ride yet. By casual carpool standards, you could say it was pretty pimped out. Lexus. Leather seats. Nice Asian car freshener smell. The driver was a young Asian girl with blonde highlights who got fed up with the constant commercials on the local hip-hop station and played her own smooth-sexy-sounds mixtape. The crooner sang in a Justin Timberlake-style falsetto for all the songs and it was seductive.

...I've been working on my first official work product.
The first assignment of the Summer for me is a memo that has taken a full 3 weeks for me to write. That's pretty bad considering most people finish their first assignment in a week or less. Oh well. Whatever. It's hard to get work done when you're in the office for just 7 hours and you have 2 hour lunches!

...I've been eating a lot.
I was raised on frugality. You order from the dollar menu and your beverage is always tap water. So it's been really wierd to get a couple appetizers, 20 dollar entrees, different wine pairings with each dish, and of course dessert with each meal on a regular basis. I feel like a total profligate. But it gets "better". I go home on the weekends and my mother cooks mountains of food for me and stuffs me from sun up to sun down. Freshly squeezed grape juice, noodle soups, freshly baked cornbread, roasted pork, etc. I'm so up to my eyeballs in food! Ugh. Someone cut me out of my pants.

Travelblogue: Week 3 of 13

Monday: Memorial Day

The family went to Berkeley's delightful Botanical Gardens for the day to sample their horticultural delights.



Here's brother and me at the Redwood Grove - a lovely area completely swathed in the shadow of magnificent Redwoods.





Here is a Monet-esque scene in this magical grove:



And then we entered the wonderful and wacky world of cacti. There were so many bizarre looking cacti in the greenhouse I need to devote an entire separate post to these otherworldly creatures at some later time. But here's a teaser to give you a hint of their freakiness: It's a masquerade cactus!



Tuesday: Regular
Went to work a little earlier today and managed to get in 8 hours! Woohoo. Not much else to report... The highlight of my day was going to Target and buying toiletries. The local Target is luxe! It's two stories and has a companion escalator for your shopping cart.

Wednesday: !Fiesta!
After work the firm threw a little fiesta party (for fun I guess). We did shots, ate quesadillas, and people were clearly tipsy towards the end.



Thursday: Italian Seafood
After work Stephen, Emily, and I went to this cute Italian place for dinner. This picture doesn't really do justice to the romantic setting. I felt like Lady and the Tramp could have an anniversary dinner here. I love dining with Stephen because he picks the best wines.



Friday: Real Work
So I have my first real assignment and deadline due next Tuesday. It will be a "memo." I'm a little nervous about handing in something concrete. Real work product, not just me b.s.ing about what I think I've found in vague research. Eek.

Went home to see parents and played ping-pong all night. Then we played Hearts and I unwittingly shot the moon!

Saturday: Best in Hair
Got a haircut which I LUUUUUV. I did have to ask twice for it though (after the lady was done I said I didn't like it and she re-touched it in some places). I felt bad about that, but it sure paid off!

Went bargain shopping with mom. I will only go bargain shopping with someone else whose judgement I trust. Otherwise I end up taking home a lot of crap because "it was cheap" and I'm hungry and disoriented. I ended up, among other things, with the best pair of jeans I've ever owned at an unheard of price: under $15. I was willing to pay $100.

Badminton with the 'rents and kronies. They kicked my ass as always, but I'm improving!

Casual Threesome

Today I "casual carpooled" for the first time.

Instead of taking the rapid transit train, I waited in line outside the station to get picked up by a random stranger who wanted to drive two carpoolers to SF.

In the Bay Area, traffic is now so congested that a driver only qualifies for the carpool lane if she has three people in her car! Tough law.

Anyway, the whole concept of casual-carpooling sounds a little sketchy and dangerous, but I thought "what the heck" since my friend Daniel (also commuting to SF) was going to be in the same car.

A middle-aged white woman pulled up to us in an SUV and told Daniel to move the baby-seat in the back to make room for himself. We listened to npr the whole way and laughed together at some of the funny news reports.

Who knew it was National Lemon Bisque day?! (Maybe I heard that wrong)

All in all it was a good experience, except for the horrendous smell in her car. Something like a blend of poopy diapers and body funk. I almost asked her to crack open the window a couple times and then chickened out for fear of offending her. I took only shallow breaths and shoved my hand close to my nose the whole time.

Next time I'm going to ask to roll down the window. It's not worth it.

Travelblogue: Week 2 of 13

Monday: Went to work for about 7 hours.
Lost my keys when I hid them to go jogging.

Tuesday: Went to work for about 7 hours.
Had a "review" with the partner that assigned me a project. Thought it went ok.
Went to a firm happy hour after work.

Wednesday: Went to work for about 7 hours.
Don't really remember much about the day, except that I had a delicious lunch (on the company dime of course, as all my lunches have been thus far) at a Mexican restaurant. Drank agua fresca with bits of choppeed up strawberries in it. Mmmm.

Thursday: Went to work for another 7 hours (This is bad. I need to get in earlier).
After work we had a Summer Associate event: A trip to MoMA to view the Picasso in America exhibit and dinner at a french bistro. Mmmm.


The exhibit was showing how Picasso influenced American artists and thus displayed more of other artist's works and less of Picasso. It was deep. Our group had a docent and she was excellent. I don't ever want to look at art again without a docent.

Friday: Went to work for almost 8 hours today! Very proud of myself for waking up a little earlier. Had another brief "review" with the partner and it went ok again. And by ok, I don't mean great, just ok.
Had a late lunch with Tammy, friend from junior high, highschool, and college! Kicked myself for forgetting to get a picture with her.
Went to parent's house for the weekend.

Saturday: Hung out with parents. They like to be physcally active so I basically spent the entire day "working out." Did exercise videos with mom. Played ping pong with dad. Then spent the evening with their kronies playing badminton.




Sunday: Saw Jenny for the first time in over a year. So happy we're both working in the Bay Area this Summer! She, like me, is leaving behind her other half on the East Coast. Went shopping for four hours after lunch. Bought only a shirt and sunglasses. Such paltry purchases means it was not a successful shopping expidition. Felt exhausted fighting the Memorial Day weekend crowds.

Will today be the day I'm raped?

Since my apartment keys were stolen yesterday I've been living in probabilities.

What are the chances that the thief knows where I live?
What are the chances that he will follow me into my apartment?
What are the chances he's waiting for me when I enter my apartment?
What are the chances that I will be raped tonight?

Tonight I did something that I've only seen on tv and I hope to God it works.

I carefully balanced a chair on its back legs and lodged it under the front door. That way if the bastard tries to get in I can at least buy myself a few seconds to grab a knife.

I would feel a lot better if I could watch the security surveillance tape and see what the actual bastard looks like. But bureaucratic red tape and working all day seems to prevent that from happening indefinitely.

Moving to a new city is hard.

No one cares about you enough to stay with you during your times of need.

Travelblogue: Week 1 of 13

Monday, May 14 was a day I had nervously dreaded since January. That day I hauled some suitcases through Boston airport to board a plane and start my new Summer job in San Francisco.



Upon arriving, I visited with some of my brother's friends: Tim (medium-size guy) and Dean (bigger guy). We visited their joint-venture game store: Eudemonia



Had some dessert. Kiwi sorbet for me.



Thursday I arrived at my gorgeous and spacious office with typical floor-to-ceiling vanity windows.



With a view like this it's goodbye eyestrain! (Can you see the Golden Gate Bridge in the back? If not, you can click on the picture to enlarge it.)



Everyday so far I've had gourmet 2-hour lunches and dinner events to attend. This event was a fundraising event for the Asian Legal Aid Bureau.* A room full of Asian lawyers and politicians. Gavin Newsome was there, for whatever that's worth.




Am I nervous about impressing the firm? Sure.
Do I miss Michael a lot? Definitely.
Am I in strange and uncomfortable situations all the time? Yup.

But on a brighter note, all this discomfort has driven me into the arms of Roald Dahl's short stories for comfort. And that's not too bad of a place to be.

Why blog

To say hello,
to create,
to express,
regardless of whether it is done well or poorly.

To know that this was the first time someone saw this.
Before you wrote it, it didn't exist.

Broken Promise, Broken Dreamz

The Season Finale of Survivor: Fiji Islands aired this past Sunday.

I was particularly haunted by it because one participant, Dreamz (picture left), did something incredibly deplorable: he promised to give immunity to Yao-Man (picture right) in exchange for a truck that Yao had won. But when it came time to deliver the immunity necklace to Yao, Dreamz renigged.



Why did Dreamz break his word? He claims it's because he was just "playing the game." But I think greed overcame him. Dreamz grew up extremely impoverished and was homeless for a large extent of his life. When he realized that renigging on the deal would win him a seat in the final 3 (amongst whom the jury would choose to award the 1 mill to) he could not resist the urge to betray Yao.

I think Dreamz made a bad choice. He could not hope to get the jury's votes after such a treacherous move. Now he not only looks like a malicious liar on national tv, but he did it for nothing, utterly in vain.

But this whole treachery brings up an even more interesting issue:

When you play a game, how far is too far? On one hand, a game is removed from reality so presumably the player should be removed from "real" moral culpability for his backstabbings. But on the other hand, there is an intuitive sense of morality that operates even in the midst of a game. Thus we talk about being sportsman-like and deplore cheaters.

People who think that "it's just a game" and thus their character is insulated from impugnity should remember this line of reasoning:

If you are willing to cheat me when it's just a game and the stakes are low, I can only imagine what you are willing to do when it's "for real" and the stakes are high.

A cheater in games is a cheater in life.

Do you agree?
(Caveat: The only exception is when the explicit premise of the game is to tell lies. E.g., Mafia, B.S.)

Blogging is so 2004

A lot of my blog sidelinks have bit the dust and I decided it was time to take them off.

RIP:
Semi-Serious Business
Super Ego
One Brassy Broad
An (Old) Grumpy Soul
Las Fashionistas
I Suck on Straws
And my own subsidiary blog: Law and Disorder

A moment of silence.

Of the remaining ones, most are only half alive (posting maybe 3-4 times a year!) So I've arranged my links from most frequently updated to least frequent.

Blogging is a tough business. The dropout rate has got to be pretty comparable to small businesses failing: only 39% are profitable.

Artsy Fartsy

It was imperative for participants to abstain from eating beans 24 hours prior to the all-nude photoshoot, not a small feat for 18,000 Mexico City dwellers.

I did it for the fam, I stayed for the fun.

Want to help science?
Want to help my brother?
Want to procrastinate?
Want a study break?
Want to be an all around nice guy?

Take some more linguistics quizzes here.


A message from the man behind the quiz, my brother:

Hello everyone,
Thanks to your generosity, I have some pretty compelling data -- but it was more intriguing than conclusive. In order to figure out exactly what's going on, I have had to devise 3 new surveys. Please,if you have the time, go take them, at lingsoup.com; This will certainly be the last time I ask for your participation in this project -- the semester is over next week. Thanks again, everyone.
~ Will

Tension is to be loved

Tension is to be loved,
when it is like a passing note,
to a beautiful, beautiful
chord.*

Tension is to be loved,
when it is like a thickening plot,
to a gut-wrenching, coming-of-age
redemption.

Tension is to be loved,
when it is like the dead of Winter,
bursting forth into the cacophony of
Spring.

Tension is to be loved,
when it is the price of usefulness**
that draws us out of self and towards
service.

*Sixpence None the Richer
**Tim Keller

At long long last

April showers...

Rubber ducky cheers my windowsill during a long soggy April.

...bring May flowers!

Finally the sun has come out today! This is the first time I've worn shorts in over 8 months! Hey, it's a big deal for a California girl.


I've always wanted this kind of front yard, abounding in flowers, instead of the traditional boring lawns I grew up with in the suburbs.

My Favorite Hollywood Couple

Forget Bradgelina, Posh and David Beckham, and the freaky Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

I want to see more of Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara. Besides for exuding compassion and a great sense of humor in every off-beat character they play, they are really great comedic actors!

Who are they? You probably know Jerry Stiller as the obnoxious dad of George Costanza and the other obnoxious dad of Carrie Heffernon on King of Queens.

Anne Meara has been on TV less but is just as hilarious playing roles like Miranda's mother-in-law in Sex and the City and Spence Olchin's mom in King of Queens.

But not only are they people of exceptional moral character, they are one of the most abiding testaments to true love in our modern age.

They met in New York as struggling young actors and married in 1954 and are still happily married today! That's amazing. And as if that wasn't enough, Jerry Stiller's memoir (published in 2000) is titled: Married to Laughter: A Love Story Featuring Anne Meara. Awwwwwww.

I love you guys, sniff.

Trying to move on

I want to tell you about a recent demeaning experience I've had.

It happened a week ago and I thought I've moved on and there was no need to post about it. But my mind keeps revisiting it and each time it does, I feel a little lump in my throat and a churn in my belly. So obviously I haven't moved on.

Last week, exactly one week from this hour, I went to go get my semi-annual teeth cleaning at "the only game in town" for grad students. Seriously, this place has a monopoly because they're the only one accessible by foot, which is the quintessential student m.o.

So naturally, I begrudge them their exhorbitant monopolistic rates and question whether they are "real" dentists anyway. Many a time I've gotten estimates of how much a cavity filling would cost, only to have them inflate it by 200% when it came time to pony up. They are no better than a crooked auto-mechanic. Seriously I should sick the Feds on them and write a letter to the Dept of Health and Human Services or something.

Anyway, so I was dragging myself to the teeth cleaning and when it came my turn, I was greeted by a portly middle-aged white woman. Nothing bad so far. But I do remember wondering, "Who is she? I've never seen her before. Where's the middle-aged Hispanic woman that usually takes me to the chair?" But then...and here is what I can't stop reliving...

She sits me down on the big dentist chair and as I recline uncomfortably, she starts thrusting a sharp pick into my gums repeatedly. I can feel the blood trickling from my bludgeoned gums, down the sides of my tongue, and into my throat and I want to scream, "What the hell are you doing?!!! Is this your first time?!" But it gets even worse.

I don't scream. I politely "take it." And as she's leaning into my face, her surgical mask just millimeters away, she burps.

A wet, stinky burp.

Yeah, I'm not talking about a polite exhale of air that can be mistaken for a hiccup. Ok? I'm talking: I heard gurgling as that burp made its way as an angry peptic mass from the gut to the esophagus to the mouth, until it finally exploded into her mask.

I think I smelled a faint hint of onions.

And then she burped again. And again. And again. All in all, I probably endured five wet burp clouds exploding near my defenseless gaping mouth until she finally said, "Ok, why don't you rinse."

I spat out a mouth full of salty blood. I glared at her.


I felt so small and helpless. And dirty.

People helpin' people and science!

My brother is a linguistics student at Cal and needs help with a survey. Would you be so kind as to take the two surveys? He (and I) would be ever so grateful. They are short and fun.

Click here to get to the survey homepage.

Mergers and Acquisitions

I'm learning about those time-honored corporate transactions known as M&As in class now and thought it would provide the perfect opportunity to do a little merging of my own.

From this day forward Alice in Wonderland ("Parent-blog") will hereby merge with Law-and-Disorder ("Subsidiary-blog") because I realize that I'm just too darn lazy to keep up two blogs at once.

WITNESSETH

WHEREAS the Boards of Directors of both blogs (myself being the sole director, sole shareholder, president, CEO, CFO, COO, employee, and coffee-gopher-intern) have approved the merger;
WHEREAS the subsidiary-blog was failing in performance reviews and returned no profits, as measured by entries, since the end of Winter 2007;

The Parent-blog and Subsidiary-blog shall hereby merge at the Effective Date, Subject to the following terms and conditions:
(1) Parent-blog shall be entitled to all intellectual topics and property formerly designated as the sole domain of Subsidiary-blog;
(2) Parent-blog shall periodically, on a regular and timely basis, produce entries concerning law school and topics related to the legal field in general; and
(3) Subsidiary-blog will cease to exist as an ongoing venture and will only be accessible for archival purposes.

As soon as practicable after satisfaction or waiver of any conditions set forth in subsequent one-woman Board meetings, the parties hereto shall cause the Merger to be consummated by filing with Blogger, and shall to the best of their ability refrain from using this kind of nauseous legalese hereafter.