Everything But the Baby

I'm now 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced.

I've been feeling Braxton-Hicks contractions for days and the baby has dropped lower allowing me more room to eat (yay!) but less room for the bladder (boo!).

Any day now.

During these days of anticipation, I live in a world of paradox. I'm ready and I'm not ready. I'm excited but I'm terrified. I hope for the best, but try to steel myself for the worst. I sort of know what to expect, and yet it seems all so very very unreal.

You would think I would've been reconciled to the idea of having a kid by now. But I still wake up in the middle of the night, terrified--WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?! A human. A person. A kid. We're going to be PARENTS? WHAT? HOW? WHAT? And yes, that is the exact extent of the coherence of my thoughts.

Reading up on birth and baby care only heightens my sense of disorientation. Everything DEPENDS. Your labor may last 2 hours, but it may last 20. Your labor may be excruciating, or it may not be so painful. Getting an epidural might help a lot, or it might really slow things down.

As for your baby, he may be a fussy guy or really calm. He may be a champion breastfeeder, or a lazy eater. Or, he may be that most dreaded of all things--a colicky baby!

Every labor is different. And every baby is different. Great.

For a person who likes to be in control and anticipate everything, this is NOT a comfortable situation to be in.

But I have gotten ready what I could. Look at all the things waiting for you when you come out Judah!

Here's your changing table with the plushest pad and softest cover ever. I can't stop running my hand over its delicious softness. You're gonna love those diaper changes.


And here's your bassinet with a nice firm pad and organic cotton fitted sheet. You can thank Uncle Amazon for recommending all these great items.


And here's your going home outfit and the softest, cushiest baby blanket ever from your only and thus bound to be favorite Aunt.


You'll love going home in your infant car-seat insert--also the softest, plushest thing I've ever felt up.


You have so many hand-me-down clothes, especially from your future-bud Isaac. But I'm most excited to dress you in your Cal onesie this Fall. Now that USC's banned, maybe your favorite team, the Bears (that's right, you don't have a choice) have a chance at the Rose Bowl!


And I'm really excited about putting this little jacket on you cuz your dad has the exact same one which he wears Every Single Day. All I need now is to get you light grey sweatpants with elastic on the bottom (yeah, your dad is stuck in the late 80's) and the mini-me uniform will be complete.


And you know, if you're in our family, you always wear a sun hat.