We've Come a Long Way Baby

This last week you finished your 4th month of life "on the outside." And we're still breastfeeding.

I am amazed.

During your early weeks, 4 months seemed faraway and unattainable. I really had no idea how I would survive that long. In particular, I didn't think I could breastfeed you for that long.

Me and breastfeeding were never great friends. Although you started out with a great latch and I had a good supply, it quickly turned south from there.

First, there was just the oppressive frequency with which you nursed. I was literally nursing you every 1-2 hours for the first few weeks. You probably didn't need to nurse that often for nutritional reasons, but every time you cried and fussed, nursing was the only thing that calmed you down. Maybe you were hungry, maybe you weren't.

All that nursing left me feeling exhausted, like a pacifier with legs. I wondered why I ever bothered putting on a shirt. I seriously thought I would die of fatigue. Many times I thought about giving up nursing so someone else could feed you and I could embrace some coveted rest and get my sanity back.

But after 4 weeks, I felt that your latch was good enough that we could give you a substitute bottle once a day AND we learned to soothe you without the breast! That was a huge turning point. But unfortunately, the trouble didn't end there.

Just when I thought we were getting out of the woods, you started having fussy feedings. You would pull on and off, eat frantically for 10 seconds--pulling your ears and pounding your little fists on my chest, and then cry and scream. Every feeding was a nightmarish battle and I absolutely dreaded it. I also thought there was no way you were getting enough to eat since you'd refuse to nurse longer than a couple minutes every 2-3 hours!

Was it reflux? Gas? I'll never know. But I do know it was hellacious when you'd wail after each night-nursing. There's nothing like walking you up and down the house at 2am in the morning!

I really wanted to give up nursing then, but I read that if you had bad digestion, eating formula would just make it worse. Breast milk is infinitely easier for you to digest. Oh well, so much for that.

Then, around the 100th day, after taking probiotics for a couple days, nursing you suddenly got a whole lot more manageable. You'll still have the occasional weird, fussy, annoying behavior, but by and large things are much much better--especially at night. I feed you once at around 2am, and you go right back to sleep, and so do I.

Things might get harder again when you start teething, but for now, I find myself saying (to myself) almost every day--I love nursing you! I'm so glad we stuck it through this far.