Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Our Pilgrimage Back

Last weekend we made the 90 minute trek (by car) back to Muir Woods National Monument.


The last time we were there was in 2010! We kept saying we'd go back, as hiking in the redwoods is pretty much our favorite thing to do on the planet, but never made it until now.


Seven years. Seven years later.

The number of completion. A lifetime.

When I look back on this picture of my first born, 7 years ago, I cringe with pain.


This poor, young(ish) first-time mom had no idea. No. I. Dea. The depth of pain, monotony, mind-numbing boredom, and feelings of isolation she would face in the coming years.

She had no idea what a colossally bad idea it would be for her to be a stay-at-home mom with a newborn and a 2.5 year old (but it was an experience she is immensely grateful for anyway). How it would drive her to the edge of her mental well-being every day by 4 pm and yet, the day stretched on. Far, far beyond her capacity to cope.

What a wilderness has been traversed in these last few years. What a grinding, daily furnace of cursing the moment I opened my eyes to realize I had regained consciousness each morning.

I am not the same person making the pilgrimage back to these ancient woods.

I am so so so profoundly grateful.


2 comments:

Kindra said...

Love the last two sentences. Grateful with you!

Alice in Wonderland said...

Thanks Kindra! You've been there for most of this saga, on the good ol' blawg ;-)