62, 63--Wed, Thu

Not much happened Wed, except that I successfully napped you in your sleeper 3 out of 4 times! Hallelujah!

Thursday I ventured out to a new parent's group. I left you at home with the sitter since I was deathly afraid you'd fuss too much. And I didn't know what to expect anyway. When I got there, I saw about 20 moms and babies of all ages, ranging from 1 week to 5 months. There was so much cuteness in that room!

All the ladies took turns around the circle sharing on the topic "self care." I was frankly amazed that there were 2 newborns there--7 days and 10 days. How the heck did these parents manage to get dressed, get out the door, and look normal and alert?! They acted as if everything was easy breezy. It frankly made me feel pretty inadequate--am I the only new mom that freaked out and broke down crying during those hard first weeks?

Anyway, I loved having a room full of supportive moms giving each other advice and encouragement. I'm definitely going to try to go back next week, this time with you in tow! The moms promised they'd show me how to use the mobi wrap I bought but could never figure out.

And now the pics...

Here's you getting some "sun time." Gotta give you some vitamin D.


Here's a sweet baby smile, aka, mommy's crack.


Here I am giving you your antacid meds.


Which you obviously hate.


And here's a rare sight--adult interaction for me. Thanks Tam for the AWESOME food and visit! That pumpkin pudding with caramel sauce was UNBELIEVABLE.

61--Tuesday

Life with you just keeps getting better and better.

You seem to be less fussy after starting your antacid meds and you're sleeping more and more in your sleeper.


But more importantly, last night, a miracle happened. You slept for 5 hours straight! And then for another 4 hours! Too bad I had insomnia at night and couldn't take advantage of your fantastic sleep cycles, but maybe this is a sign of things to come?


And you're becoming quite the charmer. Yesterday you looked me in the eyes and smiled and giggled for a whole 2 minutes! I swear I was in heaven.

On the downside, I seem to have tore my left shoulder muscle. There's a sharp brutal pain when I move even the slightest bit. How am I going to take care of you now?!

58, 59, 60--Sat, Sun, Mon

Today's entry will be stream of consciousness style since I'm too tired to organize my thoughts. Let's see...where to begin...


Naps! You've been taking some nice short 20-30 min naps in your sleeper. You wake up every once in a while, but if we rock you just right, you'll fall back asleep (this is where I do a lot of my fervent prayers--please, please, please let him go back to sleep). It doesn't always work, but it's a step in the right direction. PTL!

Food--You're still fussy when you eat, but there was one day, Saturday, you at like a calm and collected angel. I don't know what got into you to make you so peaceful (after 4 weeks of constant fuss), but it hasn't stuck around. We started giving you baby antacid meds Monday so hopefully you'll be in less discomfort.

Clothes--Yesterday you had more wardrobe changes in the span of 3 hours than Beyonce at the Grammy's. You woke up covered in pee (change 1), then spit up all over yourself (change 2), then poop leaked out of your diaper (change 3), then you spit up all over again (change 4), then had another leaky diaper (change 5)!


Development--You're talking a lot! You constantly babble and coo, even when you're eating and drifting off to sleep. You don't smile that much, but when you do, I feel like a crack addict getting a good hit--so intoxicating.

What mommy wants (well, one of the things on a long list)--I wish you would sleep longer at night! You wake up every 2-3 hours. Whatever happened to sleeping 5-6 hours?!?! It's all the more painful to nurse you at night since I have to sit up and keep you at an incline so you don't gag while you eat.


I can't believe you're 2 months old now! I thought we'd NEVER survive this far. Only 4 more weeks until you're a "real" baby and no longer a newborn. Although caring for you is still hard and exhausting, it used to be a lot worse. I remember feeling the full weight of each 24 hours. Now, it seems like time goes by in weekly chunks. Soon, maybe it will bi-weekly...

55, 56, 57--Wed, Thu, Fri

Man, I'm getting behind on the blogging.

It's because life with you has become somewhat of a constant battle. You've become a really fussy eater, nursing for a couple minutes and then crying and writhing around. And, as always, your naps are high-maintenance ordeals. It's like nothing works anymore! (like Washington, ha ha)

I'm starting to suspect that you have bad reflux problems and that the inclined sleeper maybe making it worse. I read that a 60 degree incline actually worsens reflux!

That's too bad since the babysitter can actually have you nap really well in the sleeper and I started to have hope that I could too one day. Argh. Not sure what to do now though.

Poor baby. A rare smile.

54--Tuesday

Well, the jury's still out on the new sleeper.


I tried to nap you in there 4 times yesterday and you "allowed" it once. That's better than nothing, but not a smashing success by any means. We'll keep working on it and see if we can improve those odds.

Yesterday I had a major meltdown because you wouldn't sleep in the new sleeper at first. I had built up all this desperate hope in that contraption, and when it didn't work I complete lost it. Luckily your dad was there to take over and talk me down from the ledge. I just can NOT continue to hold you, bounce you, walk you, swing you, for 8 hours a day during your nap times. You're nearly 13lbs!!!!

Your nap issue is depressing me so much, it's overshadowed all the great things that's been going on. Like, the fact that you are such a prolific communicator--you babble and coo constantly. And you just had your first 5 hour stretch of sleep least night. Good job baby!

51, 52, 53--Saturday, Sunday, Monday

Yes, I'm cutting myself a lot of slack with the "daily" blogging. But hey, I need it since you CAN'T be put down for ANY naps.

My day consists of feeding you and playing with you for an hour, then holding you for 2 hours as you nap, and then feeding you again, etc. I barely have time to run to the bathroom and grab a quick bite while you're playing by yourself for 10 minutes.

Peg and Mandi (my new mom life-lines) suggested I get a nap nanny (basically, an inclined sleeper) for you so I ordered this gizmo off Amazon. All the reviews said it was a miracle worker so I'm cautiously optimistic. And honestly, I've been praying (or rather, begging and pleading God shamelessly and desperately) that it will work for you!


We just got it in the mail today (yay for free trials of Amazon Prime!) and I'm going to try it out as soon as your babysitter leaves this afternoon. Man, I haven't been this antsy in anticipation since I was waiting to see if I passed my bar exams. I hope, I hope, I hope...

And as always, here's some gratuitous pics of you.

Here's you, chillaxin' on your changing table. You love laying out, stretching your big long legs and babbling to yourself. I'm usually running to the bathroom and scarfing down food while you're doing this.


Here's the two men in my life, taking a nap together (except you're not napping of course).


Check out this cute onesie you're wearing--it's a 6 month old onesie! That's right! You're so big and tall.


A rare smile! You must like being shirtless.

50--Friday

You're done with another week of life! Goodbye Week 7, hello Week 8.


50 is kind of a special milestone, not just because it's a nice round number, but because I only spent 50 days with my own mom.

At just 50 days old, she boarded me onto a plane and flew me to Taiwan to be raised by my grandparents until I was 2. I missed her during my whole babyhood.

Now that I have you, I can't imagine having to make a decision like that. Although, there are days when I'm ready to ship you off to a different continent too! But seriously, how gut-wrenching if I had to miss all your baby giggles, watching you learn to crawl and stand-up, and hearing your first words.

But the saddest thing would be that, after we were reunited, you wouldn't even know that I was your mommy.

48, 49--Wednesday, Thursday

Okay, I'm getting lazier with the blogging, but this week has been really rough. Through a twist of fate, almost all of your usual babysitters are suddenly out of commission. That's 4 full days of help, suddenly gone!

I never realized how painful it is to hold you during ALL your nap times. Which led me to buy Ferber's book. I'm so ready to Ferberize you, but I have some misgivings. First, you seem to genuinely have digestive issues and need to be upright when you sleep. Second, Ferber said his method is primarily for nighttime sleep and for babies 3mo and up.

But I can't wait until you're 3 months old to finally put you down during naps!!!

Here's some pics of you early in the morning when you're always in a good mood. You do most of your smiling at 7am--which makes waking up at that time just a little less painful for me.


Here you're practicing your Mr. Baby Universe pose.

46, 47--Monday, Tuesday

Monday was a blur...not much happened except that we've now completely moved all your stuff into your own room. You finally have a place of your own!


Tuesday we went to the pediatrician and found out you are growing like a weed. You're 90th percentile in weight (12lbs 11oz) and 97th percentile in height (24.5 inches). I've suspected as much since you can't even fit into clothes for 3 month old babies. The top part fits okay, but it's impossible to button the bottom cuz you're too long!

44, 45--Saturday, Sunday

Saturday was a loooooong day with you. I wrangled with you all day and all night by myself to give your dad a chance to do his sermon prep. Unfortunately your grandma couldn't come to help. We missed her a lot.

Sunday was understandably exhausting because it was preceded by a long Saturday! It was great taking you to church, but I feel so isolated since all you do is sleep in the ergo when I'm there. Can't wait until you're up, bright, alert, and ready to interact with everyone!

Here's a before and after pic (with and without clothes). Check out those moobs (man-boobs)! You are one pudgy dude.

43--Friday

You were the fussiest feeder today--screaming at the boob almost EVERY time. Was it gas, reflux, both? Poor guy. And my poor eardrums.

So, this is the end of your 6th week! Never thought we'd survive this far. Hopefully your fussiness is downhill from here.


In other news, I stepped out of the house without you today! What a weird feeling. I had a little separation anxiety, but your dad forced me to go get a massage. What a great guy. It was just what I needed to work out my tense neck and shoulders from all that frightful breastfeeding. Wish I could go every day!

42--Thursday

Today I tried the Put Down/Pick Up method in a half-hearted way.

I did it 20 times during your mid-afternoon nap and you barely slept at all. I finally quit when it was time to feed you again. I would've kept trying it, but I worried that you'd never get the sleep you needed and would get over-tired and cranky.

I wish the Baby Whisperer could come pay us a visit. Sigh. I feel a little panicky (okay a lot panicky) that we're making your bad associations worse with each passing nap time.

On the bright side, you started to smile a little this week!

40, 41--Tuesday, Wednesday

On Tuesday, I got another "baby"--one that I've been really excited about ever since I ordered it--my Amazon Kindle!

It is, in a word, AWESOME (except it doesn't come with a back light so you can't read in the dark, argh).


The first book I bought on the Kindle was Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. After reading a few chapters I got really really depressed. The author said that I was making bad associations for Judah--bouncing him around in the ergo for hours to help him sleep, letting other people hold him during his naptime, putting him to sleep by nursing him until he conks out.

Babies should learn to sleep on their own, without the use of a "human prop." This notion seemed too harsh to impose on a newborn, but now that Judah is almost 6 weeks, and almost 12 lbs, and I'm exhausted--I'm ready to try "un-propping" him.

The only question is, How?

39--Monday

You're cute and all, but man am I tired.


I'm tired of wrangling with you all day long. You're a fussy fuss-bucket when you eat, writhing around, grunting, popping on and off for no apparent reason. And then I have to carry around for 2 hours while you sleep/doze lightly. And then it's time for you to eat again!

Rinse and repeat ad exhaustium.

37,38--Saturday, Sunday

Well, you're in the legendary "Sixth Week" now!

All the books say it's quite a milestone. You're supposed to start smiling for real now, sleeping a little longer, and my favorite--peak in fussiness.

So far, I think I've seen a hint of a real smile. You're not very fussy, except when you eat (you writhe around a lot like you have gas). And you're still not sleeping more than a couple hours at night.

On another note, I just read that you might be colicky! I used to think colic means inconsolable crying for more than 3 hours a day, but I recently read that your baby may be colicky even if he doesn't hardly cry at all! It's defined not by CRYING, but by how much SOOTHING the baby needs. In that case, you are definitely colicky! We have to soothe you all day long in the ergo or someone has to hold you constantly. We have a colicky baby?!

Here's a pic of us bringing you to church for the first time. I look like a normal person, but looks are deceiving--I was a total zombie from a night of very little sleep.

36--Friday

You're fully 5 weeks old now and I'm amazed at how much you've "developed."

Physically, you're fat and sturdy now with a big ol' belly and tree trunk thighs. Mentally, you're starting to make "talking" noises and stare at my eyes for a long time trying to interact with me. Your awake periods are longer and longer now--usually an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening.


Those are the best times--you're neither fussy, sleeping, or eating. Just calm and zen, exploring your new world.

35--Thursday

I feel like we're slowly starting to hit our stride with you.

You're starting to fuss and cry less and less. And with the power of the ergo, we feel pretty confidant that we can knock you out for a nap pretty much anytime. And with more burping, you seem to fuss less while you're eating.

Also, ever since your dad gives you a bottle at night and I nurse you lying down in bed, nighttime feedings haven't been as painful. I'm still waiting for you to sleep a good 3-4 hour stretch though!

As we edge into week 6, the supposed "peak week of fussiness" I'm cautiously optimistic that you actually won't be too hard to handle. After all, other than Sunday, you've had a pretty good week 5!

Here's a pic of you "standing up" during your daily morning activity time. What nice strong, fat legs you have!

34--Wednesdsay

Your behavior was pretty good today, but around 7pm to midnight every feeding was a struggle and you had a hard time going to sleep.

You keep desperately wanting to eat, but then pulling off right away. On, off, on, off. I think it's because you're gassy, or maybe you have reflux? Poor guy.

Here's a pic of you enjoying bath time with Mur, one of your awesome babysitters.

33--Tuesday

Today was a welcome reprieve.

Instead of increasing in fussiness, you've settled down even more. Today was your calmest day in a long stretch. No screaming at my boobs, no crazy evening cry-a-thon, just easy-going semi-needy behavior.


I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out why you're so calm today and so NOT calm on other days. Over-stimulation? Under-stimulation? The fact that you went outside briefly today? Maybe my milk supply is better now?

Taking care of you has really brought to sharp relief all my worst weaknesses--particularly my need for control and predictability. Because you are so unpredictable, I'm in a constant state of stress and panic. I seriously feel like I'm developing an ulcer.

But it's also a chance to practice better habits. I've been trying to focus on the positive things and little successes along the way, as my wise friend Mandi reminded me to do. An attitude of gratitude--that's the mantra I chant all day long.

32--Monday

Today you weren't as bad as Sunday, but you still went crazy during the evening baby "witching" hours.


You fussed, you screamed at my boobs, you wouldn't nap for longer than a few minutes. I hate especially when I have to wrangle you in while you "eat." I'm totally getting carpal tunnel from trying to hold your big head in place!

I sincerely hope this fussy behavior decreases after 6 weeks (like most books say). Although, I went online and read about "high-need" babies who are as old as 4 months! Needless to say, I got kinda depressed after that.

30,31--Saturday, Sunday

Okay, so technically, I'm cheating by rolling 2 days into one entry. But I need to cut myself some slack.


You were a holy terror Saturday evening and ALL of Sunday. You wouldn't stop screaming until someone bounced you on the ergo. And during your feedings you would eat a little and then scream bloody murder at my boobs.

I don't know what the heck has gotten into my sweet boy, but it certainly feels like demon possession! Another one of these scream-a-thons and I am seriously going to have to check into a mental institute.

29--Friday

Your dad is the ergo king. Once he puts you in that thing, you are guaranteed to go out like a light (unless you're really hungry).


It's not an overstatement to say the ergo + your dad saved my sanity! Although I still feel on the verge of collapsing every few hours. Sleep deprivation is pure torture.


Last night I put you to sleep with a lullaby, twice, during your fussiest time. Maybe you're finally calming down?

28--Thursday

Happy 1 month Judah!

Just 2 more weeks until you reach the peak of fussiness and hopefully then you'll be sleeping longer at night and fussing less (fingers crossed).


So far, you're a pretty good baby as long as some one is there to soothe you. You have a great latch, which allows us to give you a bottle at night (yay!). And you've already started "talking" to us.

Your acne is pretty bad, but you still got great hair!

You smile a lot when you're in light sleep and sometimes you even giggle! In the next few weeks I'm looking forward to seeing some real smiles.

27--Wednesday

You've gotten to a stage where we can't put you down!!!!!

Either you're in my arms being nursed or you're in the ergo, or in the arms of many kind babysitters who've taken pity on us and held you during your naps.


This can NOT continue. We are beyond exhausted. I'm fervently hoping that after the 6 week mark, you will be better able to soothe yourself and not wake up and scream the second we put you down.

26--Tuesday

This morning was R.O.U.G.H. You were fussy and would not sleep from 7am to about noon. The entire time I just wanted to throw you out the window, but instead, I let you snack and use me as a human pacifier.


Then we strapped up to go to a breastfeeding support group where I learned that I should never complain since you have a great latch. The other poor women there were all suffering something awful and their babies were barely gaining weight. You, on the other hand, are around 10lbs now!


In the evening we gave you your first real bath in a tub. I think you kinda loved being immersed in the warm water. Now you're clean and don't smell like baby cheese anymore.

25--Monday

Today is Labor Day. I thought labor would be the most difficult thing I ever did in my life. But I was wrong. Taking care of a newborn is WAY harder than labor.


At night when you cry to be fed, I just want to chuck you out the window. But that's just my sleepiness talking. You know I really love you!

24--Sunday

I'm so jealous of how well you can sleep.


When are you going to start sleeping more than 2 hours at a time at night?!?! Your nighttime feedings are KILLING me.

23--Saturday

You can't tell because of your bib, but underneath is a Cal onesie in honor of the first game of the season. Go Bears!


You're doing much the same, although I think your fussiness is increasing. You get frustrated at the boobs more often, which makes feeding you really stressful. And in the evening you usually have a big crying fit.


I don't know how I'm going to survive once your dad goes off of paternity leave next week. It'll be just me and you, Judah Trouble Chung.

22--Friday

Today we put you in the ergo carrier to run some errands--first to Babies R' Us to try to find a pacifier you like and then to the grocery store.


You slept like an angel the entire time. And bonus, you seemed to be less fussy in the evening.

Too bad the ergo doesn't make you sleep 3-4 hours during the night. Nighttime feedings are the bane of my existence. I don't know how much longer I can take waking up every 1.5 - 2 hours to feed you.

21--Thursday

Happy 3 weeks Judah!

Life with you just gets harder and harder it seems. You sleep less and less, eat (or rather snack) more and more, and need to be held in order to sleep. Basically, you are a 24-7 high-maintenance little man. If I had known newborn care was so demanding, I seriously wonder if I would EVER have chosen to get pregnant!

As you were entering into another bad tantrum yesterday, we put you into the ergo baby carrier and you magically quieted down.


You looked so glazed over, like you were getting signals from Planet Fetus.


And after about 20 minutes, you were out like a light.


I hope this little trick works forever!

20--Wednesday

If it's one thing that could be relied upon since your birth, it's that you can always be comforted by the boob. No matter how angry, fussy, or unsettled you are, you immediately calm down at the boob.

But not today.

This evening you screamed your head off for 2 hours and even rejected your "breast" friends. Now I'm truly terrified.