100 Days of Solitude

This is a rare post about ME, and not about Judah.

I just wanted to take a moment to record and remember what this new-mom experience has been like. For the last 70-odd days, I've often wondered aloud--WHY DID NO ONE WARN ME ABOUT THIS?!

No one warned me how hard, stressful, and life-altering (no, make that life-obliterating) having a baby would be. I mean, yes, there was cryptic advice like--sleep as much as you can before the baby comes!--but I never thought the pain would go way beyond just mere sleep deprivation.

What does it mean to care for a newborn?

It means to not eat when you're hungry, not sleep when you're tired (and not be able to fall asleep when you have the opportunity to nap), not pee when you really need to, and not scratching your nose when it itches (because any small movement will wake up the light-sleeping baby in your arms).

It means constant aching shoulders and a crick in the neck. Carpal tunnel in your hands and wrist from steadying his fussy little head while you breastfeed. And a constant achy back from lifting, holding, and sitting for 8-12 hours a day.

But, most stressful of all, it means feeling totally inadequate and unsure of what to do. When the baby cries it's hard to know if he's tired, gassy, hungry, overstimulated, under-stimulated, or just plain in a fussy mood. Why did he turn from being a good napper into a bad napper? Why was he so calm when he ate yesterday, but so fussy today? And the worst thought of all--am I doing something that's making things worse?!

There are tons of baby books and experts with contradictory advice. There's research that says one thing, and experienced caregivers that say another. It's a big tangled mess.

They say the first 100 days is the hardest and until then, every mom needs a lot of help and sympathy. I am not a jealous person, but I'm downright envious of people who have moms and extended family that can help for that rough duration--or who have the resources to hire a baby nurse.

But what really wrangles me is the thought of all those moms out there that are REALLY in need of help--isolated single moms of low socio-economic status. How in the world can they possibly survive this period and help their babies thrive? My heart goes out to all those struggling moms who have only 1 pair of hands.