I like the bi-faceted Roman god Janus. With one face looking backwards and one looking forwards, he appropriately ushers in the new year. The ancients understood well that a new year is a time of reflection, as well as projection.
As I look back, I realize how ungrateful I've been for all the good things that have happened to me in 2010. I take for granted, among other things, that I had a smooth pregnancy and fantastic labor and delivery; that our baby is happy and healthy; that we had good jobs; that we have a wonderful church community; and good health.
Each one of those items is cause for great joy and celebration, but somehow I've quickly adapted to them and did not give them the weight they deserve. I am frankly amazed at my ability to not be thankful.
As I look forward, I see a sea of challenges. Will I be able to find good childcare for Judah so I can go back to work? Will Judah be okay when I leave him for hours at a time? Will I be okay with the separation? Will my work be understanding of my new situation? Will it be the best of both worlds, or the worst?
As an aside--it is amazing how 99% of my thoughts now center around this child. I knew in theory that this would happen, but the reality is still quite remarkable. My fierce and natural self-centeredness has now been replaced by an equally fierce baby-centeredness. If I found it difficult to be other-oriented before I had a child, I now think it is near impossible.
Having a child certainly strips you of your selfishness, but it is not virtuous. I still find it hard, if not harder, to love my neighbor. But at least now I know the joy of loving someone more than myself.
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