The Self-Approval Bias

It is amazing to me how fiercely people love what is theirs.

Some person, some object, some place--insignificant and unattractive--takes on a whole new level of value once it has been claimed.

What once was clay becomes gold. What were flaws are ignored. There is no more critical evaluation, no more analysis. No more doubts.

It is unequivocally good because it is yours. It is part of you. And every man loves himself.

It is almost always annoying to hear these self-approving people talk about their objects of approval.

But some, a minority, do not love themselves. They do not pronounce, like God, that they and theirs are good. These people's company are bearable if their self-criticalness is tempered with charity and grace.

I need to join a support group...

...but until then, listening to The Voice (aka Barbra Streisand) sing this classic from Feinstein Michael will have to suffice.

Where do you start?
How do you separate the present from the past?
How do you deal with all the thing you thought would last
That didn't last?
With bits of memories scattered here and there
I look around and don't know where to start.

Where do you start?
Do you allow yourself a little time to cry?
Or do you close your eyes & kiss it all goodbye?
I guess you try.

And though I don't know where & don't know when
I'll find myself in love again
I promise there will always be
A little place no one will see
A tiny part within my heart
That stays in love
With you

Back In The Day

What makes a great church ministry?

I think it’s all about the leaders.
A great ministry needs leaders that are:

Superific
Awesome
Macho
Magnificent
Yellow (neon)

Marvelous
Earnest
Rad and
Excellent

And above all…

fully sold out,

absolutely fearless,

and

TOTALLY COMMITTED TO

...wait for it, wait for it...

the 80’s!

You guys are the head of the class!


And I'm so proud to be counted among you!


You've taught me how to be a sistah'...


...and how to commit without fear. (Those tight pants were a serious commitment...to not bend over!)



And wherever you guys lead, we follow!


Including the spandex girls...


The bad leather boys...


And even DMC and Flava' Flave!


Thanks for showing us how to kick it...old school!

First comes love, then comes 30.

I can no longer deny I’ve moved into middle-aged adultdom. There, I said it.

Last year, I didn’t know a single person that was pregnant.

This year, everyone and their cousin is pregnant. Literally, off the top of my head, I can list 9 people I know who are popping or have popped in the last 6 months. And that’s not counting all the Facebook pregnancies of more distant “friends.”

It must be because I’m turning 30. There, I said that too.

Ever since I was a teen, the age 30 had a magical quality to it. Like a harbinger of death, or at least fuddy-duddiness. 30 is the end of fun. The beginning of solid responsibility, sensible shoes and corporate hair. The time you really start to look like your mom or dad did.

And, what I’ve only recently discovered, 30 is the age for having babies.

Sigh, kids. Is it really time for all that? Sigh.

I have no problem with kids, but I guess I was hoping to avoid all that…drama. I feel like there is a manic penumbra surrounding the topic of kids that I don’t want to go anywhere near. It’s like, normal, reasonable, self-deprecating people suddenly morph into obsessed, wild-eyed crazies when it comes to their children. I know this is a generalization, but you know what I’m talking about!

Even when polite parents try to conceal it, you can see the gleam in their eyes. It’s a gleam of pride, exaltation, TRIUMPH! The gleam says: Isn’t my kid a piece of work?! I once read an interview of Katie Holmes talking about 1 year old Suri and how Katie is in awe of Suri. Simply in AWE. Suri teaches Katie about how to be a better human being and she’s so incredibly courageous.

Courageous?

Is Suri fighting off rabid bears out behind the Hollywood hills? Is she grappling with the existential angst of living in a fallen and broken world? Is she even struggling with an awful childhood illness that requires multiple surgeries or radiation?

Then…how…? Help me out here Katie.

And as much as I want to tell myself that I don’t want to turn into THAT mother, what hope do I have? Doesn’t (almost) every parent turn into a puddle of child-goop because that is the power of kids? Sigh.

I don’t mind the sagging, the wrinkles, the weight-gain and the loss of vigor so much (okay, that’s a lie, I’m going to fight those tooth and nail)--but when it comes to aging, save me from parenthood!

p.s. And no, I'm not baking something in the oven, so to speak!

Welcome to My Hood

Everyday I go out my front gate I see this:




And if I walk just a few blocks, I'll see what can only be described as 'blight', and dope fiends pushing grocery carts and bangers on the corner, waiting for 'business'. It's straight up "The Wire" (literally, the show was based in part on Oakland).


But in a few spots, there is irrepressable artistry--all the more stunning given its context.


And speaking of irrepressable artistry, here's a little gangsta' soundtrack to go along with the view:

Look at the situation, they got me facing,
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the state.


So I gotta be down with the 'hood team,
Too much television watching, got me chasing dreams.


I'm an educated fool with money on my mind
Got my ten in my hand and a gleam in my eye.


I'm a locked out gangsta, set tripping banger
And my homies are down so don't arouse my anger.


Fool, death ain't nothing but a heart beat away,
I'm living life do or die, what can I say?


I'm twenty-three now, will I ever live to see twenty-four,
The way things is going I don't know.


Power in the money, money in the power,
Minute after minute, hour after hour,


Everybody's running, but half of them ain't looking
It's going on in the kitchen


But I don't know what's cooking.
They say I gotta learn


But nobody's here to teach me.
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me?


I guess they can't,
I guess they won't,
I guess they front,


That's why I know my life is out of luck, foo!

The Call

I have long envied people who have more than a job--they have a calling.

They wake up each morning and feel conviction and the pleasure of God.

I wake up each morning thankful for a job and a paycheck, but not much else.

What does it take to find your calling?

I’ve been wondering this question since junior high. The first time I was ever allowed flexibility and individual choice in my education, was the first time I navel gazed for direction. And none came. I chose the electives I thought were fun, but they ultimately had no collective purpose.

I did not know what I was created to do.

My lack of direction intensified in high school and college, as “real life” threatened to rear its head at an ever accelerating speed. I thought I would be a teacher. Or a computer programmer. Or a speech-writer. Or a musician. Or a ballerina. Or a classics scholar. Or a biblical scholar.

But instead, I found myself two years out of college in dead end jobs and needing financial stability. I was tired of not being able to provide for myself or others. And tired of living in fear of cavities and driving citations. I was tired of being an adult with kid-sized finances.

So I went to law school.

And here I am. Feeling no more closer at 30 than I was at 13 to finding where I belong.

Perhaps finding our calling is another modern myth, like finding The One--a fairytale promise with no counterpart in reality...until we enter the new and greater reality.

My Uncontroversial Life

I'm starting to realize the beauty of an anonymous blog. I wish I had one. This is a thinly veiled blog, but I think everyone who reads it knows who I am in real life.

But if I had a truly anon blog, I could write about how [____________] is totally blowing up right now and how I feel like [________] almost every day.

And I would also mention that my [__] is totally depressed and thinking about [________] my [___] after [_] [____] of [_______].

And mostly how I have a total [_______] on some [____] which is really messed up.

Oh, and how I really feel about all the recent pregnancies of my friends. Last year I knew 0 pregnant people. Now there's like 10, I kid you not! (puns happen)

It's a wierd time.

But because I am who I am and you know who I am, I'm relegated to posting about noncontroversial things like this...


If veggies could talk, this one would say, "What am I? An eggplant or a bell pepper? I'm so confused!"

How does it taste? I wish I knew. It rotted before I had a chance to eat it, like most veggies in my fridge. I'm full of good intentions, but lack follow through.

Story of my life.

Staycation All I Ever Wanted

Most people love to travel far away on their vacations, but that's just not how we kick it cuz:

(a) M hates long car and plane rides;

(b) We are the cheapest people you'll ever meet; and

(c) We live in one of the most beautiful tourist-magnets in the world!

Here are some things we did in our own "backyard"...

(1) The Presidio and Golden Gate Bridge.
You know, you can be married to someone for 6+ years (and dating for 5) and still find out new things! Like, I never knew that M had never been to the Golden Gate Bridge (until we went on our staycation).

Classic San Fran--the red bridge and the fog!


(2) Muir Woods National Monument
Just in time to appreciate Ken Burns' new documentary on PBS!


If you keep walking beyond the "tourist" trail, you soon find yourself in what seems like a pristine Eden, untouched by the destruction of man--the Land Before Time.

But if you're like me, watching way too many murder shows, you start to freak out because you realize the Zodiac killer targeted couples going on hikes in remote locations...and then you realize the Zodiac killer has never been caught...and then you start imagining horrific possibilities...I'm too young to die! We're turning back!

This pic gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Love Bug'. We must've gone during mating season cuz everywhere there were these gross clumps of ladybug orgies doing things that would make hedonists blush.


(3) Golden Gate Park
Although we've been here before, we feel like it would take another 50 hours to fully explore the meandering scenic pathways scattered throughout this oasis of natural beauty. Everywhere I turned my head, there were just these perfectly landscaped "moments" of visual bliss.



(4) I met Baseball Hall of Famer--Rickey Henderson!
I'm not into baseball at all, but it doesn't matter. A celebrity is a celebrity and this was my first celeb-sighting! I'm so hooked I want to go to LA and NYC to hunt more down!

(And he signed my shirt! My first celebrity autograph!)


Rickey came out to celebrate a baseball field that was named in his honor--Rickey Henderson Field, which is the field for his alma mater, Oakland Tech. I have the great fortune of being the main pro bono lawyer helping the nonprofit group that constructed and maintains the field.


Yes, sometimes lawyers feel GOOD about their job. It's rare, but it happens!

Back on the wagon

Okay, I've totally fallen off the blogging wagon.

I hate when other bloggers have huge absences of more than a week and now I've become one of "them".

It's just so hard to get back on the wagon after a week or so. Too much crap happens and then you just get used to not updating...and then the pressure mounts to write the entry and the avoidance kicks in...and then it's too daunting to try to summarize everything...

But here's a quick attempt. Sigh, this reads like a twitter account--maybe that is the way of the future:

1. Flew to NYC for work. Highlight--visiting EmDash at her offices, my hotel room. Lowlight--everything else.

2. Flew to Chi-town for work. Highlight--visiting for the first time, my hotel room. Lowlight--everything else.

3. Lost my vacation due to work, then got it back partially after talking to the bosses, then proceeded to feel guilty throughout my vacation because my boss had to finish my project for me and I took off more time than originally planned because of the way the project timing worked out and wasn't sure if that was really authorized by the boss.

4. Tried to enjoy my staycation even though I felt guilty the whole time.

5. Still on said staycation.

Another Best Name Ever...

Wait for it, wait for it...

JAHVID BEST (And it's not just a pun!)

Number one rusher for the Cal Bears and ONLY rusher on the shortlist to win the 2009 Heisman and demolisher of the Terrapins last week during Cal's opening game.

Best ran 73 yards for one of his two first-quarter touchdowns and the 12th-ranked Golden Bears avenged an early-season loss to the Terrapins last season with a 52-13 victory Saturday night to open this season.

This year is our year. I can smell it baby. All the way to the championships over USC's carcass!

GO BEARS!