Partly it's because my free-time has shrunk to nothing ever since I picked up a part-time job a few weeks ago.
And partly it's because I've lost my voice.
They say blogging is easiest when you clearly know for whom you are writing. Who is your "audience"?
I've always assumed it was my close friends, but now I'm aware that Judah may one day stumble upon these pages. And that thought fills me with terror.
And shuts my virtual mouth.
On the inside, Judah is exactly like me. I know his every thought before he speaks it. I understand his every eyebrow raise and nose wrinkle. I have a Vulcan mind meld with my inner mini-me. Words are entirely unnecessary.
And I know what he would think as he reads these entries. (And being already 7, he can actually read them all).
He would ignore all the references to love and joy, and dwell only in the dark places. He would feel betrayed that I shared his thoughts (however slight and trivial) with others without his permission. He may never forgive me.
So what's a mom blogger to do?
Damn myself further with another privacy-violating entry?
Take down this blog and make sure it never again sees the light of day?
Share only things that would be unobjectionable?
But then I couldn't share my favorite things - like how 2 days ago I caught Judah standing in front of the bathroom mirror, with only his undies on, flexing and posing. How I reminded him, "brush your teeth! It's time for bed." And how, without a moment's hesitation or thought, in all seriousness, he replied "but I'm practicing my ninja poses and counting my abs."
He can't wait to achieve the "six pack."
|My big kid - the end of a blog era!|