The Other Meat Market

Ever wonder how much a big toe is worth?


Well, according to the US Chamber of Commerce, in California in 2006, a big toe will get you $3,960 in workers' compensation. Your other 4 toes combined will only fetch $660.

This somewhat dehumanizing practice of quantifying the value of body parts is listed on scheduled benefit charts, referred to by an even more dehumanizing name--"meat charts."

Here are some other California values:

Hand: $75,515
Thumb: $21,010
Arm at Shoulder: $142,898
Leg at Hip: $61,435
One Eye: $17,714
One Ear: $5,280
(One Ear in Idaho: $1.04!!!!)
Both Ears: $58,080

This would make for a very morbid MasterCard commercial, no?

Having a quiet desk job? Priceless.

A Farewell to Briefs

Today I briefed my last case. Ever. For life.

I don't know how many countless cases I've briefed in the last 3 years, but it seemed like divine appointment that my last one should end with this quote:

"...the blood of the workman [is] a cost of production..."

-Birklid v. The Boeing Company (Wash. 1995)

An ominous foreshadowing of what is to come...?

Mergers and Acquisitions

I'm learning about those time-honored corporate transactions known as M&As in class now and thought it would provide the perfect opportunity to do a little merging of my own.

From this day forward Alice in Wonderland ("Parent-blog") will hereby merge with Law-and-Disorder ("Subsidiary-blog") because I realize that I'm just too darn lazy to keep up two blogs at once.

WITNESSETH

WHEREAS the Boards of Directors of both blogs (myself being the sole director, sole shareholder, president, CEO, CFO, COO, employee, and coffee-gopher-intern) have approved the merger;
WHEREAS the subsidiary-blog was failing in performance reviews and returned no profits, as measured by entries, since the end of Winter 2007;

The Parent-blog and Subsidiary-blog shall hereby merge at the Effective Date, Subject to the following terms and conditions:
(1) Parent-blog shall be entitled to all intellectual topics and property formerly designated as the sole domain of Subsidiary-blog;
(2) Parent-blog shall periodically, on a regular and timely basis, produce entries concerning law school and topics related to the legal field in general; and
(3) Subsidiary-blog will cease to exist as an ongoing venture and will only be accessible for archival purposes.

As soon as practicable after satisfaction or waiver of any conditions set forth in subsequent one-woman Board meetings, the parties hereto shall cause the Merger to be consummated by filing with Blogger, and shall to the best of their ability refrain from using this kind of nauseous legalese hereafter.