Everything, EVERYTHING and not everything

This Summer has flown by! And no blog entries reflect all the STUFF that's happened.

So, in an effort to download my memory banks (because in 10 years I'm going to wonder...what did we do the Summer of 2017?), here goes...

For about 6 weeks this Summer I was plagued by a virus from hell. It manifested in the weirdest ways - ways in which I didn't know my body was capable of dysfunctioning.

No sore throat, no runny nose (well, very minimal snotting) - those are the usual suspects. Instead I had pink-eye. I've never had pink-eye in my ENTIRE life. It was very weird.

And I coughed a lot. Especially at night. For almost 2 weeks I spent EACH and EVERY night coughing my lungs out for about 3-4 hours. Sweating from the effort, sucking hard on Ricola, and pleading to God for mercy. I know things are really bad when I literally pray - God help me. Please God help me. Please, please, please. Have mercy on me, a sinner.

The weird thing was, I was fine all day, but then at night - the horrible coughing marathon.

So after a lot of Googling and consulting doctor friends, my best guess was I had a viral infection that caused a lot of post-nasal drip which is accentuated and greatly exacerbated when you lie down. And so for weeks I slept propped up on two pillows, as if one were to fall asleep sitting on the couch.

So six weeks is a long time to feel crappy. And during that time a lot of other stuff happened.

For one, I crashed our family car. Again.

I was stopped at a red light; there were 2 cars in front of me. The light turned green and we all started to roll forward slowly. Two seconds in, I thought it was a good time to look down for a box of tissues and then BOOM!

The first car slammed on his breaks completely, which caused the 2nd car to slam on his breaks completely, which caused me, the downward-gazing driver to slam into the 2nd car.

I was going maybe 5 mph? If that.

The car I hit had a small dent in his back bumper.

My car, however, feigned like an NBA pro, crumpling completely.

Sigh, another one bites the dust.

Things I felt in the immediate aftermath - horror, shame, disgust (at myself), sad, sad, very, very sad.

And also during my 6 week viral illness, Judah had one of the toughest days of his short life.

We noticed one of his bottom teeth was growing in but his baby teeth were not wiggling enough. It slowly dawned on the Spouse and I that Judah would need to get his baby teeth extracted. ASAP.

The day of the scheduled extraction I went to pick up Judah from Summer Camp and saw a giant circle bruise right in between his eyes. Apparently he had been hit by a baseball (which he called the "moneyball" because it's the pitch that's supposed to be the hardest and fastest) which a strong 9 year old batted in the direction of his face.

Moneyball indeed.

Judah was in a lot of pain and moaned about having a headache, which means he's really hurt because this guy doesn't complain about physical pain, ever.

And now he was getting his teeth pulled, but he didn't know it because the Spouse and I decided it was best to not tell him! Why worry him needlessly with anticipation? We merely told Judah the dentist was going to "look at" his teeth.

The moment he received the bad news while reclining on the padded dentist chair was one I'll recall for a long time. Judah, I'm so sorry but the dentist said he has to take out BOTH your bottom two teeth. (An x-ray revealed that the other adult teeth was just days away from making it's debut as well).

His eyes opened wide with fear, filled with tears, shock, betrayal, worry.

I wondered how this would end.

But my brave, accommodating, good boy was true to his brave, accommodating, good nature, and despite his intense fear, laid still and let the dentist give him two numbing shots with a giant needle and yank out both his teeth.

Two hours and 8 extremely bloody gauzes (and a good dose of ibuprofen) later, he was smiling again.

Judah - Minus two teeth; Plus one swollen bruise

There's nothing quite like your baby losing his baby teeth that makes you feel like he's not a baby anymore.

Another milestone. Another passage. Another clear marker that...that...there's life and growth and change...and very real loss.

A Beginning

Today my "baby" had his first day of kindergarten.

The whole world (read: FB) saw this confident happy face:

But, as always is the case with FB, that wasn't quite the full story.

Judah's true emotional state more resembles this face:

And then the Spouse said - Judah, don't look so nervous, open your mouth!

And then the Spouse coached - look happy Judah! look like you're having a good time.

And thus, a confident looking kindergartner was born...for the camera.

But in truth, Judah is a bit of a nervous Nellie, like his mom. I'm an anxious person. I don't like meeting new people. And I especially don't like being in places where I know no one and have no friends.

And that is exactly why Judah told me he was nervous about school. After bravely anticipating his first day for months, he let his strong exterior slip last night and tearfully confessed that he was scared to go to kindergarten. Mommy, I don't have any friends there.

Judah is shy. Judah is sensitive. And Judah is not at all a rough-and-tumble active boy like most kids his age. He always tells me he's an "inside boy" and begs off going to the park so he can sit at home and peruse comic books.

I know it will be at least a few weeks, maybe even a month or so before he makes a friend. And until then, every day will be a struggle. All emotions I remember very, very well from my own childhood.

While Judah was in class I worried.

I worried he would have a pee accident and chastised myself for forgetting to bring a clean change of clothes for him as his teacher had requested during orientation. Dang it woman! Why couldn't you just do that ONE thing right?! Argh.

I worried he wouldn't be able to poke his straw into his 8oz prepackaged milk container.

And I worried he would feel sad and lonely.

When I picked Judah up after his 3 hour class, I wanted to hear the full report. I peppered him with questions like Larry King.

He told me the special sign for needing to use the restroom.

He told me everyone has to wear brown tomorrow from head to toe (shoot - he literally does not own a single shirt with even a little bit of brown on it).

He said everyone has to use 1 squirt of hand sanitizer after using the restroom, but not 2 squirts because there are harmful chemicals in the sanitizer. And then he added that he refrained from going to the restroom because he doesn't even want to have 1 squirt of harmful chemicals on him.

I asked him to rank his day on a scale of 1 - 10. 10 being the most awesome day ever and 1 being the worst. At first he said 4, then adjusted it to 5, and finally landed on 10.

Really Judah? A 10?! You had a really great day?

Yeah!

My Big Boy

Tomorrow will be Judah's first day at his new preschool.

I don't know why I feel so jittery.

Probably because it's a big facility with 5 classrooms and about 20 kids in each class.  Definitely more "school" like than anything Judah's ever been at.  I hope he likes it.  I hope he makes friends.  I hope they remember to put his sun hat on him when he plays outside.

And I hope he'll be brave and let go of my hand when I drop him off tomorrow.

This is the photo I submitted to his preschool--he of the crooked smile.

My baby is all grown up.  He turns 3 the day after tomorrow, but it feels like he's already 4.  Probably because he's tall.  And because he says ridiculous things.  Like lately he's been calling me "old lady."  WHAT?!

And just yesterday he woke up screaming in the middle of night and said, "Mommy I had a bad dream.  I dreamed you were pushing out a baby."  HAHAHAHAHA.  Apparently Judah and his dad have the same kind of nightmares.

I reassured him that there was no baby in my tummy and it was just a dream, not real.  And then for the next 15 minutes he kept wimpering "no baby...no baby...there's no baby..."

I guess someone is not entirely thrilled about being a big brother, ha!

Judah, Singer/Songwriter

Move over Taylor Swift, there's a new singer/songwriter in town.

Yesterday Judah just sang his first original composition.  I've heard him sing songs before, but never heard him make up his own lyrics, so of course I HAVE to note this major milestone.

First, a little background.  Judah loves his G.I. Joe motorcycle toy (which he sometimes mistakenly calls "B.I. Joe").  And we taught him the catchy song that goes with it--G.I. Joe, a real American hero!

Judah's been singing that little jingo all week and suddenly, yesterday added on a few lines of his own.  This is exactly how he sings it:

G.I. Joe, the real American hero,
He 'posed to see the baby
The baby 'posed to see the big boy
The big boy 'posed to see the cow
The cow 'posed to see the garbage man
The garbage man 'posed to see the fireman
The fireman 'posed to see the police

Um, yeah, we're totally ready for that Grammy nomination.

Major Milestones for Everyone

Exciting developments have been happening in the Chung house (unfortunately none of them have to do with better sleep).

First, at just 5 months and 1 week of age, Noah has cut his first tooth!  Yesterday I felt a little sharp ridge when Noah chomped down on my finger.  I shouted "Noah has a tooth!" excitedly and Judah, apparently my herald, carried the news far and wide around the house shouting "Noah got his first tooth!  Noah got a tooth!"  Well that explains all the recent bad sleeping and endless crying--teething pain!

Judah revels in Noah's first tooth--or maybe he's just slipping him another booger.

Second, about 2 months ago, Judah started wearing underwear.  It happened so nonchalantly I hardly noticed it, but in retrospect, I suppose it's quite the big deal.

The kid is potty-trained, but he still doesn't know how to "smile" like a normal person.

One day, I just sensed that Judah was ready.  I know that sounds totally unscientific, but I just got the feeling that he could tell me that he needed to pee before he did it.  After all, the dude has been preemptively telling me he had to poop since he was 18 months old (and basically hasn't pooped in his diaper since then).   So of course he could tell me about the urge to pee.

I had held off on "pee-training" for a while out of sheer convenience and not wanting to use public bathrooms, but I felt like it was finally time.  I guess, to be more accurate about the whole thing, I got the feeling that I was ready to have Judah "pee-trained."

Anyway, the first day he had 3 accidents and basically no more after that.  I bought a bunch of blue "police" underwear and we haven't looked back since.  Yay Judah!

Thirdly, Noah started solids this week.  Frankly, I'm not sure he was ready, but after him waking up multiple times at night, I was desperate to stuff his gullet with something more filling in hopes that he would sleep longer.  And besides, he's 5 months, it can't hurt.  At first he just kept pushing out the food with his tongue, but slowly I think he's getting the hang of it.

Fourthly, Noah is now locomotive!  Nope, he hasn't learned to crawl.  But he has learned to roll himself around, over and over again, so that he can end up on the opposite side of the room from where I put him down.  Not super impressive, but hey, my first baby didn't move himself until 10 months old (while standing and cruising) so it's impressive for a Chung baby!

Judah and Noah practice a scene from Adele's Chasing Pavements music video.

Noah can't yet roll away fast enough to avoid Judah's kisses.

And lastly, a milestone for mommy.  Recently, something has shifted inside of me from "have to" to "get to."  One day this week I just woke up and instead of feeling my usual dread and unwillingness to face the day, I felt...lucky.  Lucky to spend the day with a hilarious (but still moody and petulant) toddler and a cute, chubby (but still poor-sleeping and way-too-heavy) baby.

I'll probably explore this subtle, but tectonic shift in a later post, but for now, I'll just say this: Life is (still hard, but) surprisingly good.

Yeah, we really need to work on Judah's smile.

Baby, Let's Ride

I think "driving" is right up there with all the major child development milestones (rolling over, sitting, standing, walking, talking, etc.)

Every kid, at some point, thinks it would be fun to sit in the driver's seat.

And every parent, at some point, takes a picture of it.

So there you have it. Your obligatory driving picture.

You always motion for me to sit in the passenger seat with you and then you say "mu-gkah" for music and then "loud!"

That's how you roll.

The Great Judini

Lately you've become the fearless, flying Great Judini.


When we beckon you toward us you let go and hurtle headlong in our direction, giggling all the way.


Sometimes you fall forwards. Sometimes you fall backwards.


And sometimes you fall flat on your face cuz we didn't catch you in time. Poor baby. Surely it won't be long now before you start walking around all on your own. I must say that will be a great day for me and my aching arms and shoulders!

Your First Words

Many parents recount their baby's first word with great certainty, but I doubt that is most parents' experience. In your case, I'm pretty sure you say a few things deliberately, but then again, you're not totally consistent.

You started babbling really young and I'm not sure if or when you've said your first word. But I do know that 3 words seem really special to you.


The first one is "da-da", which I first heard you declare while pointing right at your dad and smiling. This is probably your first word since you did it around 7 months.

The second one is "hi", which sounds more like "aieee" cuz you leave out the "h" sound. You say this while waving your hand and smiling at someone, often strangers at the grocery store. You also did this around 7 months.

Recently, you started saying "that", which first came out with a very aspirated ending, more like "dathththth", but now sounds more like "dat". You say this while pointing at all kinds of random things (that's right, you point now, no more wristing!)

My question is--when are you going to say ma-ma?!

Top Two

Before I forget, I wanted to note that your top two teeth broke through your gums last week! Once again, your teeth breaking was foreshadowed by a red rashy butt-hole and some intense night-time wailing. I drugged you up with ibuprofen and tylenol 4 nights in a row before your little ivories made their debut.


(Gratuitous, nonsequitur picture which makes me laugh. Your top says "winter" and your bottom says "exhibitionist"!)

More Developments!

Since you had such a hard time grabbing the little cereal o's, we bought you some bigger puffs designed just for babies. We call them, not surprisingly, your "development-puffs".

You absolutely love your DPs and squeal with delight when we put some on your highchair tray. It buys us at least 20 minutes of peace from you.


Of course half of them never get into your mouth. I have to confess these pics are posed (we stuck the puffs to your face!) but you often do have puffs all over your face and hands.


And, another exciting development happened today. I was told you finally rolled over while I was at work! Good job baby! I can't wait to see it for myself some time soon.

The Toothman Cometh

Just a quick entry to say you cut your first teeth this morning!

At 6.5 months, you did it, all without any fussing or warning. Although I did notice that your butt and back-side was really red and rashy yesterday.

I'm a little nervous about nursing you now...eek.

Here you are, all grown up in your jeans and layered-t (Thanks for the outfit Peg!) and your first set of teeth.

152-154, Tue-Thu

Tuesday was a momentous day for you, one for the history books (well, the history of your life at least).


It was the first day you had something to eat OTHER than breast milk! (Okay, if we're going to get technical, you did have a few milliliters of formula while you were in the hospital).


I felt like you were ready since you've been watching us like a hawk every time we eat and you simply love when we put an empty spoon in your mouth. So I ordered little plastic bowls for you, little plastic spoons, a big plastic bib, and bought you some rice cereal.


I felt a little sad getting all your food stuff ready, knowing that this represents the first step to my baby being more independent from me. Since you were born, actually since you were CONCEIVED, my body provided all you needed to live and grow. And now you were going to eat something that didn't come from me. Sniff, sniff. Who knew motherhood would turn me into such a co-dependent sap?


Your dad, on the other hand, was an eager beaver since this was the first time he would ever get to feed you. He was so excited to bond with you in this way. (Well, technically he gave you a bottle before, but you absolutely hated it and so, as a consequence, did your dad).


You absolutely loved your first taste of "real food" and we got it all on video (which I'll upload later). You also like to hold your own spoon...


...and you're pretty good at getting it in your mouth...eventually.


Thursday we put you in the new high-chair your dad's mom got you. Thanks grandma!


You ate like a champ again (a messy champ)...


...and then proceeded to eat your empty spoon...


...and then your bib.


You just love stuffing things in your mouth.


Today, I noticed another possible advantage to feeding you solids--you seem to sleep longer. You slept for an hour and 20 minutes after your solid feeding! That's amazing since you usually nap for no more than 40 minutes. I'm excited to see if this will happen again tomorrow! If so, I'm afraid I'll be stuffing your gullet full of rice cereal all day and all night long. Just kidding. Sort of.