Our Pilgrimage Back

Last weekend we made the 90 minute trek (by car) back to Muir Woods National Monument.

The last time we were there was in 2010! We kept saying we'd go back, as hiking in the redwoods is pretty much our favorite thing to do on the planet, but never made it until now.

Seven years. Seven years later.

The number of completion. A lifetime.

When I look back on this picture of my first born, 7 years ago, I cringe with pain.

This poor, young(ish) first-time mom had no idea. No. I. Dea. The depth of pain, monotony, mind-numbing boredom, and feelings of isolation she would face in the coming years.

She had no idea what a colossally bad idea it would be for her to be a stay-at-home mom with a newborn and a 2.5 year old (but it was an experience she is immensely grateful for anyway). How it would drive her to the edge of her mental well-being every day by 4 pm and yet, the day stretched on. Far, far beyond her capacity to cope.

What a wilderness has been traversed in these last few years. What a grinding, daily furnace of cursing the moment I opened my eyes to realize I had regained consciousness each morning.

I am not the same person making the pilgrimage back to these ancient woods.

I am so so so profoundly grateful.

Escaping the 'Burbs

This week we did something we rarely do - venture out to The City.

Although SF is only 45 minutes away, it might as well be an entire continent if you hate being out and about with whiny fussy infants/toddlers who desperately need to nap but can't do it on the go. For half a decade this was the boat we were in. Very sad face emoji.

But now that Judah's almost 6 and Noah's 3.5, we are free to roam and enjoy the city without schlepping a diaper bag, ergo/bjorn, or sippy cups - wooohoooo!

We putzed around Golden Gate Park and visited the de Young Fine Arts Museum and the Spouse's favorite place, the Japanese Tea Garden.

Noah - ruining family pictures since 2015

We saw a real heron! Catching a real fish!

So much to love in this picture

Even in this place of serene beauty, Noah must desecrate it with his jiggle-butt dance

And you know what? It was exhilarating!

Outside the de Young - interesting at every angle!

My worst nightmare - triplets of him!

I never realized how much my mind was shriveling up and dying in the uninspired routine sameness of our boring suburb (no disrespect for our little town, but honestly, there is literally nothing there except single family dwellings and nice public schools...like, we literally go to Rite Aid for entertainment).

Just another city kid and his ennui

The second I stepped foot in the park, I swear I could hear the cells in my body gasp like a suffocating man sucking in air. Culture! Inspiration! Creativity! Art! History! BEAUTY!

Garden of Enchantment exhibit...or glorified subway grate?

After drinking our fill of the interesting and bizarre, we decided the kids needed to run around at the playground. I parked the stroller next to the play structure and immediately this cheeky squirrel comes bounding over, jumps into the stroller and starts foraging for food! Man, these city squirrels are BOLD.

I make a loud braying sound (what sound should one make to scare off wild rodents?) in an attempt to save our goldfish crackers, but that squirrel just flinched a little and kept right on foraging! That's when the tables turned and I realized I was the scared one.

Judah and Noah quickly came over to see what all the hubbub was about and it soon became an all out buffet for said squirrel. The kids would not stop feeding that poor animal who will probably now die of rodent diabetes thanks to all the processed food he consumed.

Later at night, I asked the kids to share their favorite part of our day trip. And of course, it was interacting with that poor soon-to-be metabolically challenged squirrel.

And ogling toys at gift shops.

And seeing a painting of Superman by the wannabe abstract expressionist painter turned pop artist, Mel Ramos.

My little lifes imitating art

Of course.

All Things Bright and Beautiful

Ugh, I'm so behind on blogging. Why does every other post begin with that sentence?!

Summer is speeding by, thanks in part to lots of little trips here and there. One of the biggest highlights of our Summer was our 5 day getaway to sunny San Diego to visit one of my very best friends of all time.

I met this special lady over 10 years ago when I was still single and completely adrift in life. I had no real direction or sense of place - one of those really wandering, lost 21 year olds trying to figure out how to "adult".

This was the first time I've been back in over a decade and I was shocked when old acquaintances actually recognized me upon first glance. How could I possibly resemble my old self? Even to myself, I'm unrecognizable.

Growing up, getting married, having kids, working like a corporate slave, working like a domestic slave, all of it, all of it, utterly unknown and unknowable to that young girl in her early 20's. Just as my 5 year old doesn't resemble in the least bit his baby pictures, I should have changed and morphed a hundred shades and degrees.

And yet one thing has been remarkably unchanged - our friendship.

We have each moved multiple times to multiple cities, held down all kinds of jobs and no jobs at all, discovered the insane and unfathomable depths of motherhood together, and yet, I still feel, as I did those many years ago, like I could tell her anything, like I want to tell her everything, like she understands, truly.

On our last night in San Diego, we decided to go to the beach in the evening. Being the very responsible moms we were (not), we decided dinner for us and the kids would be a giant vanilla ice cream cone. As we walked down the end of a very long pier to a diner, the sun sank low and red to our right, flooding the water with fire.

And as we walked back from the restaurant, chins dripping with sweet cream, the moon beamed silvery and bright to our left.

And my heart could not feel more full of so many good, good gifts.

Two Day Whirlwind Romance

Last weekend I fell in love. With Blackthorne.

No, the object of my swooning is not some tragic protagonist in an 18th century novel, it's a gloriously quirky 4-storied cottage nestled in the woods of the Inverness mountains near the San Francisco Bay.

These pictures seriously do not do it justice. Every inch of its handsome structure was beautifully decorated and curated by some designer who did a darn good job.

And there was a hot tub! No grand cottage is complete without one.

The only problem was the staircase. Long and narrow like a cathedral tower, little Noah refused to step foot on them. And so I became his personal stair piggy-backing elevator the entire 2 days we were there. Ugh.

Blackthorne is one of those places I would see casually flipping through a travel and leisure magazine at the dental office and NEVER think of booking a stay at. 

1. Because I'm lazy and like hobbits, don't like venturing far from home. And 

2. Because I'm cheap, like hobbits.

I'm basically a hobbit?!

But thank goodness for life-long friends who are our complete opposites and call you up on a random Wednesday morning to see if you'd like to go on a big trip the next day.

Most of the "cool" experiences I've had in life, I attribute completely and solely to this girl. I'm pretty sure, one day, she'll be the reason I parachute out of an airplane or some other such nonsense.

But as if staying in such a charming lodge wasn't enough, we had myriad other delights!

One of the house guests was an expert in Japanese pancake art! She made Judah a jaguar y'all (his favorite animal)! WOW!

And made Noah a bulldozer! IMPRESSIVE!

I got to dabble in the dark arts of Virtual Reality - I was like unto a god (while looking like a dweeb).

And we visited a cool nature center complete with surrounding kid-friendly hiking trails.

One of the trails led to a preserved Native American village. The kids enjoyed running into every teepee. One day I'll tell Judah about the slaughter of the first peoples and he'll feel as sad as I did during the visit. But until then - all smiles!

There were beautiful views of Tomales Bay and the kids enjoyed picking up all kinds of sea shells along the shore.

We passed by a quaint little town that had artisanal shops like Cow Girl Creamery.

An old man in a wheelchair passed by while we sat down to rest and exclaimed - Let me take your picture!

I handed him my iPhone and he confessed he did not know how to use it.

Not a bad shot for a non-phone shooter!

Afterward he kept thanking us for just being there. Family, it's a beautiful thing, he kept on saying.

We didn't bother correcting him about our actual non-blood relations.

Because, well, he pretty much got it right.

California Produce

Recently we took a trip back to where it all began for us a million years ago (okay just 15 or so but it feels like a million).  I first met your dad at the fountain at Sproul plaza when we were both undergrads at Cal.

Thus, being the product of 2 bears, Judah has GOT to go to Cal (they have legacy admissions right?) and shall never ever ever go to Stanfurd (what, that's the proper spelling!).

I was really excited to get Judah some Cal gear and replace his fake Stanfurd cap with a Cal hat, but they are expensive! $25 for a toddler cap? Seriously?!

Judah, what are you doing?

Judah?  Hello?

We Cal grads done make some smart babies y'all!

178, 179--Sun, Mon

Well, we finally did it. We went on a real vacation. Okay, so we kind of wimped out and only went to Carmel Valley for one day, but honestly, we were terrified that even such a small trip would throw you off your routine and rhythms.


In the end, I wouldn't say it was "relaxing." But the new mantra your dad and I have is "A change is as good as a rest," and frankly, I'm afraid we're never going to get a real rest ever again (until maybe you're 18?) so we might as well be happy with just a change.

Our first day we went to the incomparably beautiful Point Lobos. You tolerated your fancy sports stroller for only 10 min. I was pretty upset about that and wanted to force you to "like" it.


But your dad wouldn't leave you to cry in the stroller so he carried you along the trails.



Here's a pit stop you took in the woods.


And here's me enjoying the view as I nurse you.


Then we checked into our hotel and they had a crib waiting for you.


We relaxed on the patio for a moment. You munching on their complimentary crackers, and me imbibing their delicious sauvignon blanc.



You got into your pajamas (thanks Peg!) and went to sleep pretty easily, despite it being the first time you've ever slept away from home.


Because you sleep so early, your dad and me had to tiptoe around for the rest of the night, which included having dinner in the bathroom!


We made the best of it and watched a DVD on our laptop--The Kids Are All Right. It was pretty good. I especially love that it takes place in our backyard--SF/East Bay.

Later, dad did some reading...in the tub. Man do we go to great lengths for you to sleep undisturbed!


All this effort didn't really pay off though. You basically cried all through the night starting around midnight. I brought you in bed with us for part of the night, but after awhile even that wasn't consoling to you. By 2am you were wide awake and I was at my wit's end.

Your dad and I basically took turns holding and comforting you through the night. No wonder he was exhausted when day broke. Here's you playing while he catches up on sleep.


Despite the lack of sleep, we schlepped off to Point Lobos again to hike our favorite Cypress Grove Trail.




Here you are drinking in the deep blue Pacific for the first time. Do you feel (especially) small when you look at the ocean?


We asked someone to take our pic, but sadly that didn't turn out too well.


Anyway, a couple hours of more driving and nursing in the car and we were home sweet home.


We were beyond exhausted, but still glad we went since a change is as good as a rest.