Everything, EVERYTHING and not everything

This Summer has flown by! And no blog entries reflect all the STUFF that's happened.

So, in an effort to download my memory banks (because in 10 years I'm going to wonder...what did we do the Summer of 2017?), here goes...

For about 6 weeks this Summer I was plagued by a virus from hell. It manifested in the weirdest ways - ways in which I didn't know my body was capable of dysfunctioning.

No sore throat, no runny nose (well, very minimal snotting) - those are the usual suspects. Instead I had pink-eye. I've never had pink-eye in my ENTIRE life. It was very weird.

And I coughed a lot. Especially at night. For almost 2 weeks I spent EACH and EVERY night coughing my lungs out for about 3-4 hours. Sweating from the effort, sucking hard on Ricola, and pleading to God for mercy. I know things are really bad when I literally pray - God help me. Please God help me. Please, please, please. Have mercy on me, a sinner.

The weird thing was, I was fine all day, but then at night - the horrible coughing marathon.

So after a lot of Googling and consulting doctor friends, my best guess was I had a viral infection that caused a lot of post-nasal drip which is accentuated and greatly exacerbated when you lie down. And so for weeks I slept propped up on two pillows, as if one were to fall asleep sitting on the couch.

So six weeks is a long time to feel crappy. And during that time a lot of other stuff happened.

For one, I crashed our family car. Again.

I was stopped at a red light; there were 2 cars in front of me. The light turned green and we all started to roll forward slowly. Two seconds in, I thought it was a good time to look down for a box of tissues and then BOOM!

The first car slammed on his breaks completely, which caused the 2nd car to slam on his breaks completely, which caused me, the downward-gazing driver to slam into the 2nd car.

I was going maybe 5 mph? If that.

The car I hit had a small dent in his back bumper.

My car, however, feigned like an NBA pro, crumpling completely.

Sigh, another one bites the dust.

Things I felt in the immediate aftermath - horror, shame, disgust (at myself), sad, sad, very, very sad.

And also during my 6 week viral illness, Judah had one of the toughest days of his short life.

We noticed one of his bottom teeth was growing in but his baby teeth were not wiggling enough. It slowly dawned on the Spouse and I that Judah would need to get his baby teeth extracted. ASAP.

The day of the scheduled extraction I went to pick up Judah from Summer Camp and saw a giant circle bruise right in between his eyes. Apparently he had been hit by a baseball (which he called the "moneyball" because it's the pitch that's supposed to be the hardest and fastest) which a strong 9 year old batted in the direction of his face.

Moneyball indeed.

Judah was in a lot of pain and moaned about having a headache, which means he's really hurt because this guy doesn't complain about physical pain, ever.

And now he was getting his teeth pulled, but he didn't know it because the Spouse and I decided it was best to not tell him! Why worry him needlessly with anticipation? We merely told Judah the dentist was going to "look at" his teeth.

The moment he received the bad news while reclining on the padded dentist chair was one I'll recall for a long time. Judah, I'm so sorry but the dentist said he has to take out BOTH your bottom two teeth. (An x-ray revealed that the other adult teeth was just days away from making it's debut as well).

His eyes opened wide with fear, filled with tears, shock, betrayal, worry.

I wondered how this would end.

But my brave, accommodating, good boy was true to his brave, accommodating, good nature, and despite his intense fear, laid still and let the dentist give him two numbing shots with a giant needle and yank out both his teeth.

Two hours and 8 extremely bloody gauzes (and a good dose of ibuprofen) later, he was smiling again.

Judah - Minus two teeth; Plus one swollen bruise

There's nothing quite like your baby losing his baby teeth that makes you feel like he's not a baby anymore.

Another milestone. Another passage. Another clear marker that...that...there's life and growth and change...and very real loss.

FB: IRL

A couple weeks ago I made a pilgrimage of sorts.

I went to visit my longtime friend (favorite ex-college roommate) at her workplace - Facebook Headquarters, Menlo Park, the most expensive real estate perhaps in the entire nation.

I primarily went to reconnect with my friend, but part of me was also curious about the world I left behind when I decided to be a stay-at-home mom for the last four years. I always worked in SF, so a foray down to the tech capital would be novel, I thought.

What greeted me was a mishmash of elite college vibes, a lot of money, and a modern art museum.

Across their giant campus were many parking lots (filled to the gills with Maseratis, noticed the mom driving a Hyundai with a GIANT bird dropping on it, ugh) with valet parking and a premiere shuttle service linking each one. On top of each building was a rooftop garden perfectly landscaped to make you feel like you're walking through an Architectural Digest magazine spread, with an outdoor bistro on each, of course.

And parked in front of each building was my favorite feature, a set of shiny, light blue beach cruisers that employees used to bike to and fro on campus.

Inside each building was a giant open office plan and floor-to-ceiling glass walled conference rooms. There would be no jerking off in this place, you could be sure. I commented to my friend how, as a non-assertive introvert, this would be my workplace version of hell.

And hoodies. Lots of hipster hoodies with the white zipper flocking that you could buy for $19.99 at H&M.

My friend took me to eat at their gourmet cafeteria and bid me adieu at the end with snacks from their "snack room" chock full of organic, gluten-free goodness and drinks of every possible variety (it was seriously insane, think 7-11 for millionaires).

All this.

All this for what?

To prop up a social media empire.

But what is at the heart of this industry? What product is it selling? What service is it providing?

Connection. Connection? With "friends"?

And yet I couldn't help thinking of the article I read just a few days prior to my visit - about the link between social media use and depression. Not surprisingly, the longer a person is on social media, the more depressed that person gets. And it's CAUSATIVE, not correlative.

And we all know it to be true. Because lies.

Lies of omission.

A million status updates about baby births.
Only a handful about miscarriages.

A million status updates about weddings.
Only one that I've ever seen announcing a divorce.

A million pictures/videos of smiling kids.
None of a MULTI-HOUR meltdown.

A million beautiful vacation shots.
None of mundane office life or shopping at Walmart in elastic gray sweatpants with glasses and greasy hair (shut up, don't judge).

I could go on, but there's no need.

If you're marketing a substance that causes users to get sick, the FDA would pull you off the shelf. Is mental illness not as legitimate as physical harm?

At the very least, FB should come with a warning label: Being on this site for more than 10 minutes a day has been shown to cause mild to severe depression. Use responsibly.

Either way, being on the real FB campus was like being in an uneasy paradise. Like when a movie shows a happy scene with discordant strings in the background (think: Jaws). Something's off...but the grilled portobello mushroom steaks with balsamic dressing is amazing!

And in the end, the scene that stays with me is the wall of Latino and Black laborers in the dish-washing room being handed trays of dirty plates by White and Asian employees. A literal stainless steel half-wall dividing the races clear down the middle.

Now that's keepin' it real.

Story of My Life

I got the sweetest kid-made gifts for Mother's Day, but this "story" written by Judah was by far the most amusing. The kid gets an A+ for getting right to the point!

The Wonderful Mom

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young lady named Christina. A couple years later, she met a handsome man named Michael Chung. After they dated, they...

...got married. Then after some years they had a baby. Christina did all the work. When she had another baby, she did the same. The End.

Pretty darn accurate, I'd say - especially about the childcare work distribution!

Thankful It's Over

Last week, the week of Thanksgiving, the kids had the entire week off school. I had been bracing myself for too-much-time-with-the-kids burn out, but was pleasantly surprised it never really happened.

Usually, if I'm alone with the kids for 2 days, I'm burnt toast. But this week we had lots of fun play dates and parties to attend so the kids and I had lots of good breathing space away from each other.

This is something I never realized until I had kids - interacting with them too much is a BIG problem. It never occurred to me that being with a 3 year old for more than 5 hours a day would make me loose my mind - until I did.

Why?

Because their attention span is like a gnat's.
Because they can't do a single thing for themselves.
Because they are prone to melting down (when hungry, when tired, when over-stimulated, when under-stimulated, when told 'no', as in, no you can't run around with a knife, no you can't eat candy for breakfast, no you can't go outside without pants, etc.)
Because their idea of fun is mind-numbingly boring to an adult.
Because, I've been told, they ask 386 questions a day on average.

This guy - like so many things in life - only good in moderation

So instead of getting annoyed at each other, we did the following:

Took walks when it wasn't raining. There's nothing more therapeutic for kids (and probably adults) than to be in the great outdoors.

Judah is inspired to take a photo on the edge of glory

Ran errands whilst looking like weirdos and freaking out checkout cashiers.

The Trader Bros strike again

Had some great play dates at friend's homes. This one in particular had some epic hot chocolate marshmallows.

Never so thankful for friends as on Thanksgiving break!

Had some great cousin time. Is it just me, or do all cousins get along terrifically because...you know...DNA?

Happy goofiness, it's in our genes

And of course, decorated for Christmas - the most wonderful time of year...

But something I'm totally dreading as the kids both have 2.5 weeks off school. O Lord have mercy.

Life, hurtling toward the end

Every year around this time I realize I've entered the outer limits of a vortex of crazy.

With Thanksgiving right around the corner (shockingly near actually), I start to panic about the 2.5 weeks of vacation my kids will both be having from school over Christmas. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?! I'M SO SCREWED!

And then there's all the end of year stuff that needs to get done - gift buying, party attending, party planning and throwing, decorating, Christmas card sending, calendar making, etc. etc. etc.

Actually, the panic starts to set in around Halloween, which came and went so quickly I forgot to blog about it.

So from here until 2017, I'm pretty sure every post will just be like this - photo dump with longish captions!

(1) Noah in front of his preschool. This school has saved my life. So much better than the nightmare place he was at last year (that changed his teacher FOUR TIMES in the course of 9 months).

(2) Oh how I love when my kids bring home holiday-themed art and crafts. Except for that ugly troll mask Noah insisted I put up along with the other tasteful items. I really can't be blamed for any decor decisions whilst having kids.

(3) The witch, black panther, and Chris Kratt turned into a cheetah with creature power. I know, nobody who didn't have boys ages 4-7 understood what their costumes were.

(4) On our way to Judah's school Halloween festival. It was a loooooong-weekend of candy/cavities!

(5) Randomly, Judah pet this homeless man's bunny at the food kitchen, touched his eyes, and freaked out when his eyes swelled shut to the size of golf balls. Wow, crazy allergic reaction. That was a first.

(6) Most of our weekends look like this: errands and the kids hanging out. I call this composition: Trader Bros. They always wait for me like this while I get rung up. Every so often, this is where I realize I forgot my wallet at home and curse the heavens. Mom brain.

They're really into drawing and coloring lately and as always, play really well together. They have moments of squabbling of course, but by in large, they entertain each other (and leave me blessedly alone).

During this particular art session, I overheard Judah saying to himself, a la Bob Ross (my favorite TV show personality and person to which my kids have been subjected to for hours and hours), Now I'm going to put a happy little mountain here...

And I thought, it just doesn't get any better than this.

My Life: A Long Downhill Slide

Ugh, I'm so behind on blogging. Massive photo dump time!

My life is in complete shambles after being pelted with 3 weeks of crazy sh*t storms. Nothing totally catastrophic, but things disruptive enough to decimate several days of productivity.

First, I broke my right arm bone (a radial head fracture for all you anatomy nerds out there). Goodbye one solid week of productivity.

The next week Judah had Spring break. Goodbye another solid week of productivity.

And then Noah's preschool teacher quit and before she could finish her last 2 weeks, was fired all of a sudden. There has been some shady stuff going on with management so I just pulled Noah out this week. So goodbye third consecutive week of productivity!

But time stops for no one! Spring has sprung!

How do I know? Judah's school is pushing "spring portraits" on parents. Portrait companies are so smart now - why settle for ONE school picture a year when you can do two?

But not smart enough for this cheap Asian parent. Picture of a picture - voila!

Easter came and went. It was great and I especially love our Easter selfie because he's still at the age when he is thrilled to take a picture with his mom. Judah is saying "Happy Easter!"

Although Noah's birthday is in January, he usually doesn't get his well-check ups until March because (a) I'm a germaphobe and try not to step into a doc's office during flu season and (b) I just can't get my act together until many months later.

Noah is doing great, but the doc was worried he didn't have both testacles descended. I was shocked. And then ensued a really awkward conversation with his male doc, complete with hand gestures, about the male anatomy and how I need to look for my toddler's parts during his next warm bath.

Which I did, and I'm happy to report, crisis averted.

During Judah's Spring Break, Noah still went to preschool. And Judah started missing his brother a lot. So I told Judah to do what I always tell him to do when he has overwhelming feelings - write and draw. How can a mother's heart not treasure this forever?!

During Judah's spring break we frolicked a lot outside.

Judah actually climbed to the top of this ridge one day, came back with a handful of poppies and declared - I found heaven!

Me too my love, I'm looking right at it.

We also finally renewed our zoo membership after letting it lapse for 2 years. Now that the kids are 3 and 5 (and avid fans of Wild Kratts) zoo trips are a lot more fun.

But their favorite thing there is still the rides.

Yesterday it was crazy hot - 90+ degrees! so we pretended it was Summer for one day and broke out all the warm weather stuff.

The brothers opened an ice cream and cookies shop:

And then I told them they could play with water after lunch, which elicited the biggest mid-day grins ever:

And then they splashed around the baby tub and realized quickly, it wasn't that fun.

And then Noah was suicidal...or maybe just thirsty.

But honestly, this pic sums up how I feel pretty well. 3 straight weeks of pain, disruption and constant child care and I'm done. D.O.N.E.

Tomorrow I visit a new preschool for Noah and, fingers-crossed, they will be the solution to all my problems. PLEASE, Lord, have mercy.

A Very Short Hike

Last weekend all the stars aligned (weather, work schedules, school schedules, social calendars) and we got to do something we haven't done in TWO years - take a hike in the redwoods.

Sounds simple but, y'all, lemme tell you - I WAS SO EXCITED!!!!

There is nothing. Nothing. NOTHING. I love more than hiking in the redwoods.

Before we had kids we literally did this every single weekend. It was the one time in my week I felt totally and utterly happy. Freaking kids.

Of course I prepared myself for the excursion by way wayyyy wayyyyyyyyy lowering my expectations. I knew what to expect. Whining. Fighting. Complaints of being tired. Thirsty. Hungry. Possibly inconvenient urges to poop or pee. And a very short hike.

All smiles but not for long!

It started off well enough, although there was an early chorus of "I'm bored. This is boring," from Judah. But as we got into it even Judah was bewitched by the quiet majesty of the kings of the forest. We had a great time...for about a whole 20 minutes or so.

Judah pretends to be his favorite animal of the moment - a jaguar!

From that point on, Judah's energy started to flag and he opted to sit in the stroller the rest of the way. And at the 35 minute mark Judah hit his all-time low - even sitting proved too much apparently. Judging from this pic, you'd think he was on the March of Bataan.

Who knew sitting in a stroller was SOOOOOOO HARRRRRRRRRRD?

But it's nothing a little milkshake couldn't fix. We stopped by this awesome little burger joint before heading home and the kids kept exclaiming - What's a milkshake? We've never had a milkshake before! What is it?!?!

This is what drinking happiness looks like.

Way to make us look like weirdos to all the other patrons. Thanks kids!

Did Thanksgiving Happen?

How is it possible that we're in the middle of December already?!?!

It honestly felt like we just celebrated Thanksgiving last weekend...or did we?

Every year I'm amazed by the speeding bullet train that carries us along after the week of Thanksgiving break. Every weekend in December is chock full of holiday parties and gatherings, visits from relatives, on top of the USUAL baby showers and birthday parties because people don't stop being born just because it's the holidays.

And of course I love it. I am a Christmas fanatic and nothing lights me up like holiday cheer. In your head, just picture Will Ferrell from Elf.

But seriously, what happened to Thanksgiving?

I remember vaguely, on the day of Thanksgiving, I combed through the internet looking for a good article on giving thanks. I would have loved to see something in the New York Times or Huffington Post about the science behind cultivating gratitude.

It could have read: Thanks Giving: how not to suck so much at being grateful.

The intro paragraphs would cite multiple well known positive psychologists and how they all agree that being thankful is one of the most important, if not THE most important traits for human flourishing and mental well-being.

Then the body of the article would explore all the reasons why humans are prone to discount what they already have, take things for granted, and have gratitude-amnesia when it comes to the good things in their life.

And finally it would conclude with tips on how to cultivate gratitude. Not just some rote recounting of things that we OUGHT to be grateful for - but some real heart-hitting activities that make us feel truly, truly, truly grateful.

Because I needed an article like that. I still need an article like that.

I want my thanksgiving to move beyond an academic acknowledgement of my relative position of privilege as compared to 99% of the world, and into a real, genuine, emotion-filled out pouring of wonder and awe that I should be so lucky. So blessed. So unbelievably blessed.

On thanksgiving day we went to a soup kitchen to serve food to the homeless. I felt like it was high-time for Judah to actually see people who were in need. I always tell him how lucky he is to have an abundance of food and shelter, but it's all theoretical to him when we live in a nice secluded suburb, far away from any kind of real material lack.

Mommy, you always say there are poor people, but how come I never see them?

That's a good point son.

Judah happily serves himself at the soup kitchen.

And so we went to witness poverty. Within 10 minutes of entering the soup kitchen Judah announces that he's bored to death and pleads fervently to go home.

I'm not sure what was going on in his head, but I think Judah was underwhelmed by poverty. Homeless people look just like us. They seemed just like regular people and there was nothing particularly exciting or entertaining about serving food to them and interacting with them. In fact, it was pretty hard to pick out the indigent from other people who were just there to help.

And therein lies the truth -- but for grace, there go we.

What separates us from those who have no shelter, no human capital, no possessions and no reasonable opportunities for advancement? Who have little executive control, resilience, optimism, and grit? Who have not the means to obtain means?

Gifts. Many, many good gifts.

A Blurry

Last week was a blur / flurry of activity...a blurry of activity, if you will. Thank you Halloween. [sarcasm intended.]

Every day there was something off schedule. Translation for child-free people: Mama be going crazy cuz she did NOT get her usual clean-up, organize, do-me time.

Monday - Judah's field trip to the pumpkin patch. Weird schedule.
Tuesday - the only normal day of the week!
Wednesday - Noah's preschool Halloween fair. And Judah's Halloween class party.

Noah and his best school friend. He has no idea where to look when I take pics with an iphone, hahaha.

Thursday - Judah's school-wide Fall Festival.

Kindergartners in costumes - very cute BEFORE the sugar induced meltdowns.

Friday - no school!
Saturday - HALLOWEEN!

They look like they're in costume...but it's also how they dress EVERY day.

Reason number 24,364 why kids are awesome - they make you wear costumes when you otherwise wouldn't. 

Sunday - "don't trust your clocks day"

I'm gonna need a couple weeks to recover.

Before arriving at the actual day of Halloween the kids had already been collecting MOUNDS of candy from various events. But nothing topped the crowning glory of acquisition that is "real" Halloween trick-or-treating.

Both Judah and Noah were having a blast, going door to door with their giant pumpkin buckets. Seriously, I have NEVER seen them happier in their entire young lives.

The dragon's horde.

Afterward, they spent an hour laying out all their candy and sorting and trading. I kept hearing Judah tell Noah: You don't want that one. That's "bad guy" candy. Give that one to me.

And like a putz, Noah would comply and occasionally ask: Is that one "bad guy" candy?

Finally, I asked Judah (knowing full well he was taking advantage of his little brother somehow): What is "bad guy" candy?

Judah didn't skip a beat: "Bad guy" candy is candy that maybe Noah wouldn't like...like, it would be bad, for him.

Sounds totally reasonable and not at all like Judah was taking Noah to the cleaners. I was duly impressed with Judah's b.s.-ing skills. You truly are my son - the son of a lawyer. (And as we all know from Arrested Development, Lawyer is Latin for liar!)

But of course, I kept going with the cross-examination. As a lawyer, you know the devil is in the details: So what kind of candy might be bad for Noah?

Judah: Oh, you know...like weird flavors like blueberry...or chocolate.

AHA! I rest my case. You are hereby charged with swindling your younger brother out of all his best candy.

Judgment rendered against you in equity: The judge and prosecutor will now take all your Twix and Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups.

Now go to bed!

A Week in the Life

I don't have any organized thoughts so here's a random sampling of our week...

--I caught a nasty bug and got my first cold of the season. Getting sick always makes me think about ingesting more veggies, which always makes me think about buying a Vitamix, which then makes me wonder if they've invented a version that doesn't leave tiny teflon flakes in the blender mix...have they? Anyone know this?

Sick mommy = lots of eating chips in front of the t.v. No complaints from this kid.

--I found a new favorite show: The Great British Baking Show. It's a PBS baking competition and feels like Project Runway meets Chopped. I've been binging on it non-stop and now find myself speaking in a vaguely British accent to the kids sometimes. Carry on!

--Noah's preschool teacher got fired. Drama. Ugh.

Random picture. Because cute.

--I went to my first parent-teacher conference. I love Judah's teacher! She's perfect! But she's going on maternity leave after winter break, argh.

--I've been enjoying doing various legal contract work projects while the kids are in school. Yup, my first paying job after 2.5 years as a SAHM. I love that it's very low-key - I can literally work just 2 hours a day in the comfort of my own home. And surprisingly, I realized that I actually really truly miss my old friends: legal provisions, case law and contract construction principles. Really, I do!

--All the kids want me to do all day long is wrestle and tickle-fight. And because I'm obsessed with food I often pretend that their tummies are my favorite foods - chocolate cupcakes and bacon. So now, when they jump on me Judah announces - I'm bacon! And Noah proclaims - I'm chocolate!

Forget laundry - "bacon" and "chocolate cupcake" are attacking. Again.

Delish! Now if only I could get my food without a side of foot-in-my-face.

The Brother Report

Having and raising Judah, my first baby, was such a traumatic and exhausting experience, I never ever ever wanted to have another kid again.

But when Judah was around 10 months old, I realized he needed a sibling. The guy wanted CONSTANT people-interaction. He didn't care for toys and do-dads, he wanted human friends, of the high-interaction kind.

And so Noah was born.

Judah was almost 2.5 when Noah came into the picture and we were kind of kicking ourselves at the time. Judah had just become so much easier, but here we were, "blessed" again with another cycle of high-dependency and constant neediness.

But now that Noah himself is 2.5, our lives have gotten to the golden tipping point once again. And this time around? Much much better.

These two boys are everything we hoped and dreamed they'd be for each other. Mentors, comrades, partners, plotters, and the best of friends. Watching their daily interactions is the highlight of my days.

Some moments from last week:

Noah was feeling extra cranky one day so Judah made him a "paws"-itive slip - in the shape of a paw, cute right? Judah gets these at school for good behavior. I guess Judah thought it would also elicit good behavior too. He's always doing stuff to make Noah feel special and loved, awwwww.

The kids found some old ninja costumes. I died of cuteness.

Judah used up an entire roll of tape to make a pirate ship. Please excuse the pantless-ness. It was hot last week!

The kids can play for almost an hour building stuff - legos, bristle blocks, magnetic tiles. I'm in heaven.

Every night is full of kisses and hugs and Noah digging for gold.

It's just like Wrigley's gum says - double your pleasure, double your fun!

Love Hurts

This week Noah started his pre-school (five half-days a week).

The whole ordeal of finding a pre-school for Noah could in fact occupy an entire (very lengthy) blog post in and of itself, but I'll just boil it down to 2 words - unicorn search.

Apparently I look for pre-schools like wealthy handsome bachelors look for life-long mates - never satisfied with the options at hand. I kid you not, this search started 6 months ago and resulted in no less than 5 pre-school tours.

Is it SO hard to find a school that's nearby, with cheerful, energetic, loving teachers, that teaches Mandarin a little, has decent facilities, and is reasonably priced? Yes. Yes it is. Learn from my failings - it doesn't exist. Just like the unicorn.

Anyway, I settled for a school that had all the things I wanted EXCEPT it is freaking far away and pretty darn pricey. Oh well.

The upside is I get to spend a lot of car time with both kids, listening to Judah boost Noah's morale and get him pumped up for pre-school.

Brothers and school-boys and best buds.

Judah: You're going to have so much fun Noah! Are you excited?

Noah: No, I'm sad. I don't have any friends.

Judah: It's okay, it's easy to make friends. Just say "Hi, my name is Noah. Want to play?"

Noah: No, I'm shy.

Judah: Yeah, I'm shy too. When I started pre-school I didn't have a friend for a long time. But then I made lots of friends in the end and I loved it! It just takes time.

It's pretty amazing how often Judah will repeat to Noah almost verbatim all the things I've said to him in the past. That last sentence he uttered is a prime example. Parenting your oldest kid really is like a buy-one-get-one free deal. He just passes it right along to the younger one!

Of course, when Judah and I actually had to leave Noah at drop-off, he totally lost it and cried. Funny enough, he cried more and more each successive day. As a parent, I knew Noah would stop as soon as Judah and I left the room, but poor Judah was racked with grief and sympathy for his brother.

Oh no mommy! I hope Noah is going to be okay! Oh, it makes me so sad to see him cry! When I see him again I'm going to give him the BIGGEST hug. I'm going to squeeze all his guts out!

Judah was so distressed sometimes, I would suggest he pray.

Dear God, please don't let Noah be sad or scared. Please let him have a really fun day and not forget his teachers' names. Amen.

I always love seeing how truly empathetic and sensitive Judah is to other people's feelings. I swear I spent way more time and effort comforting Judah than Noah!

It reminds me of this pic taken when Noah was getting shots when he was only 3 months old. Judah cried much longer and harder than his little brother too.

Oh the sympathy pains!

Me - losing, Judah - winning

This was Judah's first full week of kindergarten and he's off to a great start.

Me, not so much.

Noah's preschool doesn't start until after Labor Day so I've been running around trying to keep him happy all day and what can I say...the struggle is real.

Two and a half year olds be crazy. Totally irrational, megalomaniacal, certifiably crazy. He thinks calling people "poo-poo head" is hilarious and putting his hand down my shirt and "tickling your boobs" is the best thing ever.

And the hair-trigger anger issues. Oh. My. Goodness.

Even when everyone is doing their best to bow and scrape and cater to his every imperial whim, he capriciously melts down and puts people in time-out. That's his thing now. On a particularly grumpy day, Tyrant Noah put all the members of his family, at one point or another, in time-out in the course of an hour.

But enough of about Noah...where was I...oh yeah, Judah's first week of school.

The hardest thing for me each day is finding out what Judah's day was like.

I pepper him with questions about going potty, snack-time, recess, stories read, etc, but I always feel like there's a giant black-hole that I can't quite touch called "what you did during the rest of the 2.5 hours that wasn't covered by my too-specific questions."

But so far I've learned that he's really latched onto this guy named Anthony. Judah looks up to him. Judah tries to please him. Judah genuinely rejoiced when Anthony got a "good behavior" reward from the teacher. Judah thinks he's smart and funny, mostly it seems because Anthony taught him the "interrupting cow" joke. And Anthony is amazing on the monkey bars.

This makes me want to get close to this Anthony dude. Figure out what's his angle.

Is he a nice guy? Is he kinda manipulative? Is he a controller? What's his deal...

Too smother mother? Maybe...or maybe not...

Anyway, Judah's gotten into the habit now of "ranking" his day. So far, on a scale of 1-10, he's ranked his days a 10, 11, 9, 9, 4, 9, 9, 8.

Why the low scores of 4 and 8?

Because while Judah is winning, I am failing.

The 4-ranked day was because I forgot to give him his lunch and he was starving all day.

The 8-ranked day was because I didn't pack enough food for him and forgot his water bottle so he was mildly hungry and dying of thirst all day.

But my biggest fail thus far? I freaking missed the first school Open House. I swear I marked the date on my calendar well in advance, but it turns out I marked the wrong date. Seriously? Seriously?! I kid you not I checked THREE independent sources for this date.

My only explanation is I've finally done lost my mind. 5 years and 2 kids later, it's gone. Gone, baby, gone.

But despite his mother's incompetence, Judah is doing great. Today he was recognized in front of the entire school assembly as a positive role-model. He got the "Paws"itive slip reward which goes to one kid in each class and had to stand up while his teacher commented on the good behavior.

Judah gets recognized for vaguely "doing something for someone."

Apparently he helped some kid named Omar by sharing something with him. Seriously, that is the level of detail I had to settle for after grilling Judah for 10 minutes about what he did to get recognized. I am obviously the worst interviewer/investigative journalist ever.

But I totally remember this kind of thing from my own childhood.

I wanted SO BADLY during every assembly to get this kind of recognition all through elementary school but it never happened for me.

And there was Judah. His first week of school and he got a golden ticket.

Apparently kicking butt at elementary school is a generation-skipping trait in our family.

The secret to actually enjoying a trip with (my) kids

A few weeks ago we took another 500 mile trek back down to L.A. for a dear friend's wedding and again we went in the car. With 2 whiny kids. In particular, one tiny but loud and extremely inflexible dictator-tyrant (aka, a two-and-a-half year old).

This time, however, it was a thousand times better than the first trip we took a month ago. For starters, we rented a giant SUV instead of just going in our compact sedan (this gave us the room to road trip with our lovely friends):

All we're missing here is the tiny tyrant-dictator in the back with me.

Also, I finally figured out what car activities actually work:

Forget fancy toys, just get masking tape. Lots and lots of masking tape.

And sticker dots.

For 2 year olds, the Melissa and Doug "water magic" coloring books are fantastic. And the good ol' smartphone selfie camera is always entertaining for a few minutes (but have fun deleting all those photo bursts of your toddler's blurry nose).

I now have 1000 photos of essentially this.

Another great perk we had this time was spacious, beautiful hotel rooms. Apparently toddlers like to nest in down as much as baby birds!

Kinda unbelievable how long "nesting" occupied Noah.

And the food. Omg the food. L.A. rendered me unable to button up my pants for a few days. But it was totally worth it.

Korean BBQ - I still dream about you.

The wedding we attended was a glorious affair - at a beautiful traditional church with stain-glassed windows and classic architecture. Every design detail was impeccable and just quirky enough to capture the sweet goofiness of the bride and groom. Sigh, if only I got to enjoy it...

Here's my experience of the wedding under El Dictator-Diablo:

At least I had a pretty corsage to look at.

But all in all, it was a great time. And my number one tip for a successful road trip with little kids? (cue the drum-roll)...

Go with friends!

This awesome kid was THE BEST toy my kids could have had and provided us with hours of endless chuckles and silliness. He single-handedly saved me from having to play with Judah and Noah for hours.

Uno, bionicles, minecraft, angry birds - this kid entertained like a pro.

But seriously, our sweet, kind, generous travel companions made all the difference, especially this lovely lady who not only watched my kids so I could get ready in a leisurely way every morning, but also plied me with drinks at night.

My matron saint of good times.

Sorry sweet friend, you have to travel with me forever now.

Now that I've tasted the good life, I can never go back!