Sweet and Surly

Last week we went to a book fair and the kids instantly picked out what they wanted with zero hesitation.

Judah asked for a book that came with a pink bunny charm bracelet. (And cited the bunny charm as the main reason he wanted this book).

And Noah enthusiastically grabbed a book about villains that looks down right satanic. Seriously, every picture in this book looks like pure evil.

And that is now how I explain to people, in under 30 seconds, how different my kids are from each other.

In which something really hit me...

Yesterday, as always, I braced myself for 3:30 pm, the time when both my kids would be home from school.

That's when I turn everything off so I can be totally "on" for them.

Need cuddles? Want to talk about your day? Want a story? A snack? A trip to the park?

I'm your woman.

I'm mentally prepared to handle anything they might dish at me - grumpiness, meltdowns, whining, boredom...

Or so I thought.

Yesterday really caught me off guard. Yesterday, they came home and...and...and...

...didn't need me.

They ran upstairs to play with each other. They traded Pokemon cards. They played a made-up game with our Uno card deck. The 6 year old read books to the 4 year old.

They played and they played and they played without any conflict for two hours.

At first, I stood around bewildered.

What is this weird feeling? Not being needed/summoned/demanded to do something while both my kids are around?

I think it's called freedom?

For someone who has spent the last 6 years of her life lurching from one loud "Mooooooooooommmmyyyyyyyyy!" call to the other, the silence was...deafening.

Disorienting.

Are we really moving on here? Are my kids really growing up? Is this how it feels to watch your kids grow in independence and healthy detachment?

If I've yearned for this day for the last 6 years, why does my heart feel so hollow?

Why does victory feel like loss?

Triumph, like emptiness?

But on the plus side, my kitchen never looked so clean on a Thursday afternoon.

How to make your own ghetto light-saber and other tales

More random thoughts I'd like to remember...

(1) When Judah got a "unearth" your own crystals set this Christmas it came with a little wooden mallet and safety glasses to make it seem really authentic. Judah hammered away at the little block of loose sand and found a few small gem stones and called it a day. Noah watched him intently and when Judah went upstairs to put his gem stones away, Noah, without saying a word to anyone, donned the safety glasses, and started hammering away at the leftover pile of rocky sand, hoping to unearth some overlooked stones.

I don't know why this image sticks in my mind and makes me chuckle with mirth and pity. Something about this little guy being furtive and secretive and also totally accepting of his older brother's sloppy seconds...always being second place and the receiver of used objects...it charms me.

Noah, patiently waiting in the wings for his elder brother's scraps.

(2) Judah is such a hoarder. He has an intensely acquisitive nature. He doesn't acquire things for their utility - he just enjoys the accumulation of it. Now that he can earn his own money, he has learned that it's more fun to watch his money pile grow than to actually spend it on toys. Every time we go to Target Judah will peruse the toy aisles and finger items of interest, put them in our shopping cart, only to take them out again when it's time to check out. He would rather have the money.

Four months ago, he claimed that he would spend $10 after he first earned $30. Then he said he wouldn't spend money until he had earned $50. With a big boost from Chinese New Year, Judah now has a whopping $70 in his possession. And he now claims he won't spend any of his money until he's amassed at least $100. Oh the making of a miser.

So strong is Judah's hoarding instinct, that when I gave the boys cheap electronic light saber toys yesterday (a green one for Noah, a blue one for Judah), Judah immediately put his away in his room. In its place he jerry-rigged his own light saber by taping a flashlight to a back-scratcher, with which he used to fight Noah.

Ree. Dik. You. LESSSSS.

(3) Judah, of his own accord, without anyone every making any suggestions to him in the least, has taken it upon himself to make "worksheets" for Noah. They are the stuff of regular kiddie activity books - tracing the dotted line to form alphabet letters, simple math problems, color by number pictures, connect-the-dot pictures.

Judah does this because he wants Noah to have something fun to do when Noah is bored. And he believes Noah wants to progress in math and reading - which is true. But I don't know how helpful it is for Noah to do Judah's worksheets since Judah inverts a lot of letters and numbers - he still writes almost 30% of his symbols backwards (which makes me wonder if he's dyslexic).

Nevertheless, this inclination toward instructing his younger brother and wanting to make Noah happy is unbelievably rewarding for a mother to observe. What more do I want from my kids than to have such an abundance of good will toward their siblings? And quite an abundance there is - Judah has made over 50 worksheets and keeps it all in a giant zip-lock bag.

But maybe there's so many because Judah just likes to hoard...

Brother and Brother

Judah's car song:

Brother and brother
We're BFFs
We're BFFs

Brother and brother
We're BFFs
We're BFFs

When Noah is sad
I comfort him
And when I'm sad
He does the same for me too

We're BFFs
Best friends for life!

I have always given Judah a lot of credit for establishing the good rapport the kids have with each other. I think the oldest child sets the tenor of the whole relationship - is it nurturing? Is it competitive? Is there generosity?

And because Judah, by temperament, hates to see other people suffer, he has always chosen to satisfy Noah's needs ahead of his own. NOT because Judah is a saint but because, as Judah puts it, "It gives me a headache when Noah cries. It makes me feel so bad, mommy." I think he's like me - extremely conflict avoidant.

So even when Judah was only 2 and half, and desperately wanted some huggle snuggle time with me, he would forgo it because Noah cried the second I put him down to make room for hugging Judah.

But recently, I realized Noah should get quite a bit of credit for their brotherly love. He worships Judah like a hero. He thinks of his brother often. When he gets a treat or a goodie bag at school he always makes it a point to share it with Judah. But this is the part that really blows me away.

Noah doesn't just share his treats with Judah, he insists that Judah get the bigger part of it "because Judah is bigger than me, mommy."

Noah, though being in very nature like Judah, does not consider equality with Judah something to be grasped. Okay, sorry, that was just me messing with the Bible.

But seriously, it is Noah's extremely high esteem of Judah that also keeps the relationship train running smoothly. He always gives Judah the best seat, figuratively and literally at times, and that really satisfies Judah's need to feel superior to his brother.

Yes they are selfish little monsters. Yes they are greedy little grabbers. Yes they fight and bicker and argue and whine. But somehow it just works...so far...

The Plan

While I was driving the kids to school this morning I overheard Judah saying this to Noah:

Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get you a baby! Then you can be a big brother too! It's really easy. Just get mommy some candy and make her a nice birthday card. And let them have the sex.

What. The. Heck?

Kindergarteners be crazy yo.

But hearing them eagerly plot another sibling did make me reconsider my current "I'm all done" stance. Actually, for the last few months they will tell me at least once a week how much they really really really want another baby.

Judah plots how to relive this precious sweet moment. It *almost* makes me reconsider...

And then I remembered all the night-time wakings. All the tiny choking hazards (aka, Lego pieces) scattered all over our house. All the bodily aches and pains from lifting, hoisting, holding, wearing, carrying, rocking, a 15-25 pound delicate but squirmy ball of flesh around for the better part of a year. How much I hate nursing. And how the sound of crying makes me lose my mind.

And how I'm about to sell our crib, diaper changing table, and rocking chair on Craigslist because we are now DIAPER FREE!!!!!!! for the first time in 5 years.

Yeah, I'm still done...I think...

A Random Week in November

I literally have 5 minutes to pound out an entry before I need to pick up the kids. So hold on to your seatbelts kids. It's going to be a quick and superficial ride.

Thank you veterans for not only serving and protecting our country, but for giving us a random holiday in the middle of November when ALL schools are shut down. The first part was sincere, the second was sarcastic.

But actually, our forced holiday was awesome because we hung out with 2 other families that had 2 boys each. Six boys + a giant playground under the redwood trees + 2 awesome mom friends + perfect California sunshine = pure bliss.

Also, Judah and Noah are continuing on the Brothers of Love Tour. I don't know how long this will last, but I'm going to enjoy every second of it until they grow out of this phase (which, Dear God, I hope they never do).

All day long they are hugging and playing well with each other. I know, weird right? Judah constantly exclaims "Friends forever!" and gives Noah giant hugs. Noah is eating it up. Judah is his number one hero of all time and Noah worships him like a god.

I remember putting my older brother on a pedestal too...but he wasn't that fond of me, haha. I kept wanting to play "store" and Candyland. He wanted to do advanced calculus instead. Whatever.

And in other news, legwarmers: they're not just for aerobics instructors. Noah wears them constantly now that the weather is colder and I'm potty-training him FO REALZ this time. So far so good. I ask him literally every 30 seconds - do you have to go potty? And he responds - Mommy, stop asking me so much.

And then once in a while he'll say - Mommy, I have to pee! And I'll whip open a used plastic bottle and place it under him to catch his stream. I'd say this is boding well for...wait for it...wait for it...

DIAPER FREEDOM 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited I'm going to pee my pants...ironically.

The Brother Report

Having and raising Judah, my first baby, was such a traumatic and exhausting experience, I never ever ever wanted to have another kid again.

But when Judah was around 10 months old, I realized he needed a sibling. The guy wanted CONSTANT people-interaction. He didn't care for toys and do-dads, he wanted human friends, of the high-interaction kind.

And so Noah was born.

Judah was almost 2.5 when Noah came into the picture and we were kind of kicking ourselves at the time. Judah had just become so much easier, but here we were, "blessed" again with another cycle of high-dependency and constant neediness.

But now that Noah himself is 2.5, our lives have gotten to the golden tipping point once again. And this time around? Much much better.

These two boys are everything we hoped and dreamed they'd be for each other. Mentors, comrades, partners, plotters, and the best of friends. Watching their daily interactions is the highlight of my days.

Some moments from last week:

Noah was feeling extra cranky one day so Judah made him a "paws"-itive slip - in the shape of a paw, cute right? Judah gets these at school for good behavior. I guess Judah thought it would also elicit good behavior too. He's always doing stuff to make Noah feel special and loved, awwwww.

The kids found some old ninja costumes. I died of cuteness.

Judah used up an entire roll of tape to make a pirate ship. Please excuse the pantless-ness. It was hot last week!

The kids can play for almost an hour building stuff - legos, bristle blocks, magnetic tiles. I'm in heaven.

Every night is full of kisses and hugs and Noah digging for gold.

It's just like Wrigley's gum says - double your pleasure, double your fun!

Love Hurts

This week Noah started his pre-school (five half-days a week).

The whole ordeal of finding a pre-school for Noah could in fact occupy an entire (very lengthy) blog post in and of itself, but I'll just boil it down to 2 words - unicorn search.

Apparently I look for pre-schools like wealthy handsome bachelors look for life-long mates - never satisfied with the options at hand. I kid you not, this search started 6 months ago and resulted in no less than 5 pre-school tours.

Is it SO hard to find a school that's nearby, with cheerful, energetic, loving teachers, that teaches Mandarin a little, has decent facilities, and is reasonably priced? Yes. Yes it is. Learn from my failings - it doesn't exist. Just like the unicorn.

Anyway, I settled for a school that had all the things I wanted EXCEPT it is freaking far away and pretty darn pricey. Oh well.

The upside is I get to spend a lot of car time with both kids, listening to Judah boost Noah's morale and get him pumped up for pre-school.

Brothers and school-boys and best buds.

Judah: You're going to have so much fun Noah! Are you excited?

Noah: No, I'm sad. I don't have any friends.

Judah: It's okay, it's easy to make friends. Just say "Hi, my name is Noah. Want to play?"

Noah: No, I'm shy.

Judah: Yeah, I'm shy too. When I started pre-school I didn't have a friend for a long time. But then I made lots of friends in the end and I loved it! It just takes time.

It's pretty amazing how often Judah will repeat to Noah almost verbatim all the things I've said to him in the past. That last sentence he uttered is a prime example. Parenting your oldest kid really is like a buy-one-get-one free deal. He just passes it right along to the younger one!

Of course, when Judah and I actually had to leave Noah at drop-off, he totally lost it and cried. Funny enough, he cried more and more each successive day. As a parent, I knew Noah would stop as soon as Judah and I left the room, but poor Judah was racked with grief and sympathy for his brother.

Oh no mommy! I hope Noah is going to be okay! Oh, it makes me so sad to see him cry! When I see him again I'm going to give him the BIGGEST hug. I'm going to squeeze all his guts out!

Judah was so distressed sometimes, I would suggest he pray.

Dear God, please don't let Noah be sad or scared. Please let him have a really fun day and not forget his teachers' names. Amen.

I always love seeing how truly empathetic and sensitive Judah is to other people's feelings. I swear I spent way more time and effort comforting Judah than Noah!

It reminds me of this pic taken when Noah was getting shots when he was only 3 months old. Judah cried much longer and harder than his little brother too.

Oh the sympathy pains!

Summer

I finally got a smart phone 4 weeks ago and now I feel like I have SO MUCH TO BLOG.

I have taken exponentially more pictures and videos in the last 4 weeks than I have in the last 4 years. No joke. Ok, slight exaggeration. But only SLIGHT.

Am I glad for all the excess content? Not sure...is more more? Or is less more?

Jury's still out I suppose.

Either way, I better get cracking with the blog entries cuz I got way too many pics piling up.

First up: Lazy Summer Days

The kids have absolutely NOTHING going on this Summer. No preschool. No daycare. No camps. Not even some weekly soccer class. I f'd up royally this year.

I tried. I really did. I checked out various programs and possible Summer preschools, but in the end nothing worked out. None of it was worth the tears. I hate tears. Noah cries whenever he's separate from me and Judah and it takes a while for him to acclimate. 2.5 months is just not worth it.

And thank the ever merciful Lord we do have a couple babysitters that come regularly to give me sanity breaks. If they ever stop coming for some reason, wow...that thought is so awful I'm not even going to finish that sentence.

Anyway, the Summer is turning out much better than I feared. We spend a lot of time like this:

Running around barefoot in the backyard - the essence of Summer.

And like this:

Thank goodness for community pools on 95 degree days!

Noah gets initiated into the cult of the selfie.

And much to my extreme delight, Judah and Noah play together a lot. Be still my heart, I think they might actually enjoy each other's company. They might actually be friends! Best Friends even!

Their recent favorite game is "going on an adventure" together.

Judah draws a map:

Believe it or not, they fight constantly over who gets to hold this "map".

And they trudge around the house swinging their flashlights around and making notations in their notebooks. Noah often carries his Blue Baby in what he calls his "ergo shirt."

"And then we saw a spider island. But there was no water on it." - Judah the explorer 

And I spend most of my day willing myself to Cherish These Precious Moments because They Will Grow Up in a Blink of An Eye, and I Will Wish I could Go Back in Time, but I Never Can Again.

But the dishes. The messes. The monotony. The constant battle of the wills. And always loosing to the screaming toddler.

Must...Cherish...Each...Moment...RRRRRGGHHH. Mind. Over. Matter.

By the end of Summer I just might become a Zen master.

Philadelphia

Today in the car I heard Judah and Noah's first hypothetical conversation with each other. Amazing.

Noah: Judah, if there was a bear in a cave, it going to eat you.

Judah: No, I would fight it! [throws some air punches and kicks] Or I would zap it [sticks out his finger as if a laser would shoot out of it.]

Noah: You need a sword to fight it! You need a sword!

Judah: No, I don't need a sword. I could just...[does punching motions] or use nunchucks...

Noah: Yeah!

Of course I was sitting there, just dumbstruck that my kids ARE HAVING A HYPOTHETICAL CONVERSATION WITH EACH OTHER as if they are real human beings and not babies!

And I was basking in the glow of brotherly camaraderie, which actually has been pleasantly abundant between these guys since the earliest days.

Greater love has no one than this - a brother (or sister).

Noah admires and copies Judah. Judah loves being the hero/guru/big-guy on campus. Noah respects Judah's limits and actually obeys when Judah tells him not to touch his 'spaceship' or 'Hotwheel'.

Noah never fails to give Judah the response he was looking for when he shows Noah something special. Noah faithfully and genuinely says "Whoah Judah, that's awesome! Can I see that?! Whoah." Mission accomplished. Ego stroked.

And mom pleased.

As a mother, there is nothing I desire more than that my kids genuinely like and care for each other. Nothing gives me more pleasure and so far, we appear to be on the right track.

Last week we were at Macy's and the store clerk had a revealing conversation with Judah.

Clerk: You're so cute! How old are you?
Judah: Four...and a half!
Clerk: Do you go to school?
Judah: I go to preschool!
Clerk: That's great! Do you have lots of friends there? Who's your best friend?
Judah: My best friend is Noah. He's my brother.

[Camera pans around to me, grinning from ear-to-ear and beaming with joy.]

And I think the feeling is mutual because the other day Judah asked Noah - Noah, do you love me more than mommy? And Noah, to all of our surprise, said "yeah."

[Camera pans around to Judah and me exchanging a wondrous look and grinning from ear-to-ear and beaming with joy.]

A Dream Deferred

I have a dream.

That one day, my house will not have random crap on every surface.
That I will get rid of all the "baby" stuff.
That I will have a cleaning caddy with a sponge, gloves, and detergent under each sink.
That my files will make sense.
And in short, that everything will be ORGANIZED.

After 2+ years of pining and wishing, and hoping, and desperately wanting, this dream was supposed to start becoming reality this week. This was supposed to be the beginning of the 2-week period I set aside for EPIC CLEANUP 2015. I even told the Spouse that I refuse to cook for 2 weeks so I can finally get a grip on the clutter.

So OF COURSE, this is the week my car chose to break down. OF COURSE the check engine light would go on and the car would stutter like a panicked cat. And OF COURSE the mechanic would tell me he fixed it and then I would drive it home the next day, only to find the problem wasn't fixed and I'd have to drive it back and leave it there again and then drive it home again.

All my kid-free time for this entire week has now been taken up with fixing the car.

Story of my life (with kids).

No, it's not their fault the car broke down. But it's typical. The frustration. The constant, unending, frustration. The fact that it takes unbelievable will and grit and determination to move one tiny pebble of fate, only to have an avalanche crash down on you the next day.

It is impossible to get much done with little kids. Just to "maintain" feels like an uphill pipe dream. No sooner have I washed the dishes then someone's spilled and crumbed all over the floor. And no sooner have I swiffered the floors then someone's decided to dump all the crayons and bristle blocks and puzzle pieces all over the house. And no sooner have I cleaned up all that then someone's peed all over the bathroom. Et cetera. Et cetera. Ad nauseum.

But they are cute.

Everyone's favorite time of day - TV time!

 And they love each other.

Brothers

And they are growing up alarmingly fast.

Best buds

Which is how I console myself each and every day I see hundreds of things out of place and cluttered.

Breathe. Focus. Perspective. Repeat.

Risking it All for a Morning Hug

Every morning Noah wakes up about an hour before Judah and we hang out together, just me and the baby.

And then we wait for our favorite sound - the sound of Judah thumping down the stairs accompanied by his daily proclamation: Judah coming down the stairs!

It seems counter-intuitive, but life is so much better with both kids around than just Noah. Noah is happier with Judah there. Noah doesn't need me to constantly entertain him when Judah's around. He even mercifully lets me sneak off and go to the bathroom, and refill my coffee cup, and 100 other little movements around the house.

But yesterday morning, I made a big mistake.

Brother - a buddy from morning to night.

When Judah announced his presence, Noah immediately lunged toward him for a hug and a kiss. What mother could resist such a sweet fraternal moment? So instead of allowing Judah to ignore Noah and run to the bathroom because "Mommy! I have to pee right now!!" I told Judah - Just give your brother a hug! He's so excited to see you! (Judah still wears pull-ups to bed so I figured he could just go in his pull-up if he really couldn't hold it in.)

Bad decision.

After Judah finished hugging Noah and went to the bathroom, the next sound I heard was lots of liquid slapping a hard tile floor. And then a little voice - Oopsie, Mommy...

Judah had just pulled down his pants but couldn't get to the toilet in time. He peed like a horse all over the bathroom floor (a la Crazy Eyes in Season 1 Episode 3 of Orange is the New Black).

Hot, steaming, pungent, massive amounts of morning pee.

Ah, "good" morning to me.

Why Cuddling With Kids Kinda Sucks

Look at this face.

Pure cuteness, right?

Who wouldn't want to cuddle wuddle wuddle with this little guy all day long?

And this cute playful human puppy.

You'd think it would be bliss to huggle snuggle this guy and nuzzle his little nose, right?

WRONG.

Totally wrong, oh-people-who-have-not-experienced-the-infuriating-annoyingness-of-my-kids.

To wit:

Last night I went in to say goodnight to Judah and give him a goodnight hug. While I'm trying to hug him he is poking his finger in my ear. Continually. It's like he's digging for gold in there. I get super annoyed but try not to show it because the last thing I need is for my preschooler to get so upset it delays his bedtime by a good 5 - 10 min. Because bedtime is sacred. Do. Not. Mess. With. Bedtime (aka, Freeeeeeeeedom).

I get away diplomatically and then go to put Noah to bed. My little guy likes to cuddle right before crawling in his crib for the night and I'm always more than happy to comply. He has not yet figured out how to annoy the crap out of me by messing with my bodily integrity...until that night. While I'm trying to hug him he is picking my nose. Continually. And giggling like mad.

I've decided that from now on, they can just cuddle each other.

And I will just soak in the cuteness vicariously. From a safe, non-pickable distance.

Paunchy and Punchy in the Patch

Every year I tell myself that we are not going to a pumpkin patch.

The one near us is kind of depressing (sad ponies, anyone?) and really dusty and we can just get pumpkins from our local grocery store. And at $3 PER RIDE for the rides, well...that says it all really.

But somehow we found ourselves there again this year. I don't know how. I guess deep down I love festivities, however pathetic. If someone says "party" or "fair" or "carnival", I find myself inexplicably drawn towards it like a moth to a flame, especially if the words "no entrance fee" follows.

And if you're going to go, you might as well dress up.

Judah's go-to-face when I say "smile!"

And make your kids take a million photos.

Judah's face when I tell him "Smile nicely, not like a tough guy. Smile for grandma."

Because, heck, they're all dressed up.

And in the very next frame...the superhero is back.

And then you go home and look at the photos and think...

Words can not describe how much I love Noah's pot belly. One day he will be skinny and I will be sad.

That wasn't too bad...maybe we'll go again next year...

Because I'm also a sucker for pictures of my kids in matching outfits in front of seasonal-themed backgrounds. 

That's right. You better believe these pics are going right into my annual Shutterfly photo-calendar for the month of October, 2015.

Yup, totally worth the $9 I spent on lame rides.

The Noah Whisperer

I really can't complain about Judah's "older sibling" skills. He's a pretty awesome big brother in the following ways:

--He rarely fights for the same toy as Noah. In the rare instance they do, Judah usually gives the toy back to Noah in about 10 seconds because, in his own words--Mommy, I really hate hearing Noah cry. It makes me sad and it gives me a headache.

--He is fantastic at "tricking Noah" (one of the reasons they rarely fight). At just the tender age of 4, Judah is already a better actor than a lot of people I see on TV. Many times a day I hear him whining--Noah, give that to me! I want it! Ugggghhhh! And then he adds, sotto voce--Don't worry Mommy, I'm just tricking him so he'll trade with me. And simple Noah falls for it. Every. Time.

--He is great at comforting his brother when Mommy and Daddy are not around. At various times we've left the 2 kids with one-off babysitters and Noah always has a hard time, as would be expected. But Judah has the "magic belly" touch. Without any training or prompting from us (we heard this first from the babysitters), Judah tells Noah to lay on his belly for comfort.

Judah comforts Noah with his "magic belly" at church nursery.

Judah applies the "magic belly" method while mom and dad go on a rare date night.

Noah hangs on for dear life while Judah watches a movie. For the entire length of the movie!

Noah in turn, like most younger siblings I imagine, adores his big brother. He has to do everything Judah does and copy him exactly, even down to the most minute details. Once Judah got hurt and I kissed his wounded knee. Noah lifted his chubby (uninjured) leg for me to do the same. The amount of mimicry and copy-catting in this house is just ridiculous. Ridiculously cute that is!

Bottom line, Judah is an extremely emotionally sensitive and empathetic guy who truly loves his little brother. Many times a day I hear him talking to Noah the way I talk to him.

Noah, come here! Gimme a kiss!
Hey Noah, do you know I love you?
I love you Noah! Gimme a hug!

The two of them are so sweet together, I daresay it's easier having 2 kids than 1!

In Other News

Lately I've been having a crisis of confidence in blogging.

I guess with all the huge, momentous, tragic and otherwise issues going on in the world, blogging about my tiny little fiefdom seems so...uninspiring. It's like...

OMG ISIS is beheading children!
OMG another Malaysian airplane destroyed! (I know this was a long time ago, but still shocking)
OMG Robin Williams!
OMG Ferguson, Missouri!
OMG ebola outbreak!
OMG common core is starting!
OMG Jennifer Lawrence is dating Chris Martin!
OMG people have ALS and I'm now aware of that because of the ice bucket challenges thankyouverymuch.
OMG California is in a massive drought and I'm also aware of that because of the ice bucket challenges thankyouverymuch.

And yet, how I can I not blog about my two favorite little people? All day long they torture me and give me unspeakable joy all at the same time. They make me feel insufferably trapped, but have made me grow immeasurably more human. My world has shrunk but my heart has exploded.

I have nothing new to say about these 2 goofballs, but maybe some old phrases bear repeating - I love you to the moon and back.

You are my sunshine.

And I will never get enough of your naked dance parties.

Oh, that's not a line of a famous children's song or book? Well it should be.

Short but Sweet

It's been awhile since I've blogged so I'll just share a quick favorite memory before I unplug for the night.

Often Judah will randomly say "I love you mommy!" (He recently admitted that he does this because he doesn't know what else to say--Mommy, I just say that because I don't know what to say--and yet he still wants to fill the silence and feel some verbal/emotional connection to me. Man, that kid reminds me of me!)

Anyway, for the last 4 months or so, every time Judah says his little 'love tick' statement, I hear Noah's little voice pipe up: Mama!

I'd like to think Noah is saying "I love you mommy!" in his own little way. I mean, really, he says it with such a tone of affection and joy.

So this is what I hear about 20 times a day:
I love you mommy!
Mama!

Best. Soundtrack. Ever.

Super

I've been sitting on this post for a very long time. I just don't know how to blog about such a ginormous part of my life...our lives. It seems too big for words and even too big for my feeble mind to grasp in its many-splendored metaphorical potential.

It is meta. Profound. Universal. SUPER.

On one hand, it's Judah's obsession with all-things super-hero. But on the other hand, it's really about mankind's obsession with all-things ubermensch, isn't it?

Judah, like any kid his age, is in the full swing of super-hero enthrallment now. A year ago he didn't know anything about super-heroes and now he knows everything about every member of the Justice League AND the Avengers (and it's been quite the learning curve for his completely oblivious mother too).

Now our house is littered with preschooler comic books (who knew that market even existed?!) and swords and capes. Judah loves dressing up like a super-hero and forces me to pretend that I don't know his secret identity (spoiler alert: it's really Judah). If I don't play along or accidentally call him "Judah" there are many hot angry tears.

Judah used to just stick with dressing up as Batman (thanks to an amazing costume he got for Christmas) but now he's invented so many other characters, I never know who I'm dealing with. He usually just stands in front of me with his "badass" face on and I have to say Whoah...uh, who are you?! How did you get here?

Meet some of the cast favorites: Night Ninja

Mere mortals have no idea who he really is because he's always wearing sunglasses.

Super Pirate, always appears fresh out of a bath.

And has a side-kick, Paunchy Pirate

Noah loves to copy his brother but fails to understand how teddy bears detract from the message.

And here's, regular ol' Super Judah (not to be confused with Judah in a hoodie).

If no capes or towels are readily available, a hoodie always saves the day.

Noah now honestly believes this is how you wear a hoodie jacket properly.

Then after telling me the name of his newly invented super-hero character, Judah then says something like, Where's Judah? I want to play with him.

We chat back and forth about Judah in the third person and how disappointed Judah is going to be because he missed this visit from Night Ninja / Super Pirate / Super Bat Ninja / Super Pirate Batman / [Insert newest dude here]. And the whole time Judah is calling me, Mom, uh, I mean, Ms. Christina because of course he's not Judah and I'm not his mother.

This kid can stay "in character" so long it starts to freak me out a little...like, is this the beginning of me realizing that you're schizophrenic?

Anyway, all the super-hero impersonation has started to bleed into "real life" Judah. A couple weeks ago Judah's grandma visited and Judah had his "super-hero mean muggin" face on in almost every picture.

I can't explain Noah's face...I guess he's just really excited about his milk.

Apparently Judah feels like he no longer needs a costume to activate the badass within.

Don't mind the drool on my belly!

I still drool. You gotta problem with that punk?

All this obsession with being "tough" can get pretty ridiculous. We were at a birthday party last weekend and Judah got into a "tough-off" (my made up term) with another preschooler--each one picking up foam swords and guns trying to show the other that they were tougher.

At one point, Judah turns to me and says, Mommy, do I look tough?, striking his baddest, meanest tough-guy pose.
And I dutifully replied, Of course, Judah!
Which Judah proudly reported to his "tough-off" competitor--Mommy said I look tough!--as if that settled the matter.

Yeah, not so tough after that sentence...

Anyway, I wonder how long this phase will last. Probably his whole life. Heck, I see the exact same super-hero t-shirts and underwear in the men's clothing section as in the kid's section. It never ends, I suppose--the need to feel strong, powerful, competent.

And of course, as Judah gets older he will realize that he is not that strong, powerful, or competent. He is just a man. That's all.

But I hope he will always know that he is loved. Even more so for being just...human.