With Christmas, my birthday, and New Year's falling all within days of each other, I can't help but feel more introspective than usual. Some recent thoughts:
1. Remorse. Over how I've treated some of my best friends over the years. Many of which I haven't made any real efforts to keep in touch with. Why? Honestly, because I have avoidant personality disorder. Seriously.
2. Amazement. At how wonderful strangers have been to me in the past. Especially everyone who came to my make-shift wedding. Some bore the inconvenience of traveling by air, some made food, someone made me a cake and let me wear her dress, and someone else dry-cleaned everything for me. Some golden-hearted choristers even learned a special arrangement of Psalm 28 to sing during the ceremony (the highlight for me).
The silver-lining in feeling helpless is the receiving of kindness from those who know they will get no return from you.
3. Inadequacy. I'm almost 30. I should be more mature. I should be a stronger person. I should have better values. I shouldn't be so easily cowed and swayed.
But I do have better coping mechanisms...I'd like to think.
1 comment:
this post made me smile. ;)
btw, i have the same disorder!
on a somewhat related note, the combustible crayon has switched to a new url (from kony to klarity). just thought i'd let you know. :)
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