The whole world (read: FB) saw this confident happy face:
But, as always is the case with FB, that wasn't quite the full story.
Judah's true emotional state more resembles this face:
And then the Spouse said - Judah, don't look so nervous, open your mouth!
And then the Spouse coached - look happy Judah! look like you're having a good time.
And thus, a confident looking kindergartner was born...for the camera.
But in truth, Judah is a bit of a nervous Nellie, like his mom. I'm an anxious person. I don't like meeting new people. And I especially don't like being in places where I know no one and have no friends.
And that is exactly why Judah told me he was nervous about school. After bravely anticipating his first day for months, he let his strong exterior slip last night and tearfully confessed that he was scared to go to kindergarten. Mommy, I don't have any friends there.
Judah is shy. Judah is sensitive. And Judah is not at all a rough-and-tumble active boy like most kids his age. He always tells me he's an "inside boy" and begs off going to the park so he can sit at home and peruse comic books.
I know it will be at least a few weeks, maybe even a month or so before he makes a friend. And until then, every day will be a struggle. All emotions I remember very, very well from my own childhood.
While Judah was in class I worried.
I worried he would have a pee accident and chastised myself for forgetting to bring a clean change of clothes for him as his teacher had requested during orientation. Dang it woman! Why couldn't you just do that ONE thing right?! Argh.
I worried he wouldn't be able to poke his straw into his 8oz prepackaged milk container.
And I worried he would feel sad and lonely.
When I picked Judah up after his 3 hour class, I wanted to hear the full report. I peppered him with questions like Larry King.
He told me the special sign for needing to use the restroom.
He told me everyone has to wear brown tomorrow from head to toe (shoot - he literally does not own a single shirt with even a little bit of brown on it).
He said everyone has to use 1 squirt of hand sanitizer after using the restroom, but not 2 squirts because there are harmful chemicals in the sanitizer. And then he added that he refrained from going to the restroom because he doesn't even want to have 1 squirt of harmful chemicals on him.
I asked him to rank his day on a scale of 1 - 10. 10 being the most awesome day ever and 1 being the worst. At first he said 4, then adjusted it to 5, and finally landed on 10.
Really Judah? A 10?! You had a really great day?