For the last four weeks I was about to go out of my mind with fear, anxiety, boredom, and stress because I had no billable projects to work on.
Each day I felt redundant, useless, and completely expendable and, not to mention ignored and unwanted by my employer.
I felt so awful I even started to work 10 hour days, trying to fill my time with "value-adding" activities in a haberdash attempt to shield my neck from the chopping block.
And sometime mid-last-week the tide turned completely. A project, like manna from heaven, dropped on my desk (or rather, my email inbox) and I was up to my eye-ball in work, work, work. I got to work early (well, early for me) and I stayed well after the cleaning lady emptied my office trash bucket.
And as soon as this project is done, I will be on another one, already scheduled and ready to take over my life for the next 2-3 weeks. I'm sad I may have to "miss" Mother's Day.
What kind of a life is it where you're either worried out of your mind about being fired or stressed out of your mind about getting your work done?
What kind of existence do you have when you feel incompetent and inadequate all the time--either because you have no work or because you don't know how to do the work you have?
How can you live day to day not knowing whether tomorrow will bring rain or shine, drought or flood, feast or famine? How can you ever make plans that you care about?!
I feel like an automoton, a half-life, a zombie undead with no control over the where, what, how and whens of my life.
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