Friday, May 08, 2009

The Self-Sufficiency of Mom

This week we learned about the self-sufficiency of God in Sunday school, among other things, and I couldn't help but shout, "Eureka!"

In some small way, I think I know exactly how God feels.

As I rapidly approach my thirties and my anniversary celebrating six wonderful years of wedded bliss (no sarcasm, really), my mind drifts to the B-question more and more.

When should I have a baby?

Many of my peers already have kids or are actively trying but I'm still floating in a pool of indifference. I just don't feel it--the drive, the maternal instinct, the biological alarm clock, the whatever it is that is supposed to make you get out there and procreate!

I feel very 'meh'. I could take it, leave it, either way. It's not a big deal for me to have kids, now, next year, or ever. Why? I'm not sure, but when I heard of this interesting attribute of God, I thought, maybe that has something to do with it...

In a nutshell, God's self-sufficiency is such that he doesn't need anything. He didn't create man because he was lonely, or needed praise, or love or adoration. He was perfectly happy living in the blessed community of his triune persons. He was complete already.

That's how I feel--complete. I don't need a child to love, care for, give to, get from, teach, learn, grow, etc. I mean, objectively, I probably do need a child to shake me out of my consummate self-absorption. But subjectively, I really feel no need.

I'm so happy with the way things are, just the two of us. I love my life, my extended family, my friends--my days are filled with meaningful and joyous hopes and plans. Who needs a kid?

But don't get me wrong. I love kids. I think kids are great! But I just don't need one.

It's like a Lexus, a Louis V purse, a trip to Prague or, perhaps more appropriately, a puppy...all nice and wonderful things that I just don't feel the urge to have.

But maybe I should feel the something wrong with me?


Alaberi said...

i took a little work break to read your blogpost. i love your honesty, and recall the conversations you and i have had on this topic. keep praying about it. i don't think there's anything wrong with you, so don't let society fool you into that line of thinking. just keep close to God and He'll let you know what's up.

Tammy said...

Nah, you're totally on track already with the six years of wedded bliss, and should feel free to take your sweet time with the baby stuff. Trust me, being a cat-owning spinster is way less acceptable.

Alice in Wonderland said...

Tammy! I miss you! We need to hang out--you need to take a break from your cats!

But seriously, you know, I never even felt the urge to get married. I probably would've been single for life had M not been so relentlessly...relentless. As it was I tried to drag out the dating time as long as possible...

Something's wrong with me!

Anonymous said...

I don't think having kids is really about us. If it was, we wouldn't have them! They take up our time, ruin our stuff, and can be major pains at times!

Rather having kids is fulfilling the command to multiply and fill the earth. To fill up the covenant community and, in a very real sense, it is a form of evangelism!

The thing about childbirth is, the longer you wait, the harder it is to have kids and the more likely that there will be complications. So if you think that even in the future you'd like to have one (or more), you'd probably want to start now.

My Mom started when she was 30, and didn't have me until 7 years later!

Alice in Wonderland said...

Wow, you're like the promised child Infinity--7 being the magic biblical number, ha ha.

And yes, if I had kids it would SO not be about what I want!

Anonymous said...

Just reading your blog and I was wondering what happened to change your mind about having kids. I relate with this blog post, so was just curious about what moved you to change your mind (as I see from your more recent posts that you are expecting a baby).