Friday, June 27, 2008

Hellathon Week 5.9: All by my lonesome

Tonight my every-loving husband is going to be here, at the local community center ping-pong tournament.

I'll be home. Alone. On a Friday night. Studying. [cue the violins]

That's one of the worst things about this whole bar study experience, the solitude. Although there are at least 50 people in my classes every night, they don't know me from Adam. But they all know each other!

During break times I cast around forlornly, looking for a kind soul to befriend, but so far I've only made a couple abortive attempts.

First there was Bridget, a skinny trendy white girl who seemed alarmed when I accidently blurted out, "Where do you live?" I guess that's kind of a creepy question to ask someone you just met 2 seconds ago. After that botched intro, she proceeded to take a seat far far away from me in the waaaay back of class.

Next there was Mike, a slightly chubby white guy with a full beard and a friendly smile. We made polite chit-chat and then I too eagerly started grilling him about his Barbri experience. How many hours do you study? How are you memorizing your outlines? Did you pass the graded essay?

I think he thinks I'm really lame (for good reason) and doesn't say 'hi' to me anymore.

Everyone else I just can't seem to get any traction with. A smile, some eye-contact--it always get slapped away with a frown. Sheesh people, whatever happened to being friendly?!

So now I'm a total loner, which is probably the hardest part of this whole horrid experience. I can't compare notes, feel reassurance from others' literal and moral failures, or even commiserate with the only people who truly know the special kind of pain that is Barbri.

But it does make me grateful for my number one friend, Michael. Except when he abandons me for the love of the sport. Sigh.


Tammy said...

Oh man, i am sooo sorry. I can only imagine how much harder it is when you don't even have people to save you a seat. Thank goodness for Michael! And even though my bar experience was two years, I'm still incredibly bitter and traumatized and more than happy to listen to you vent whenever you like :)

Alice in Wonderland said...

Thanks Tammy--your continued sympathy is a god-send. I think I'll be calling you soon! ;-)