Well, I finally did it.
I took the plunge, called my firm today and told them I'm not coming back from maternity leave. I'm now officially a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).
I've been wanting to write about this decision (or my vacillating indecision) for a long time now but I didn't want any rumors to leak out to the firm. I wanted my partner to be the first one to know. And now that giant sucking sound you hear is the virtual removal of my self-imposed gag order. SSSSSSSSSSSLURP!
Ironically, now that the gag order is removed, I don't know what to say.
Where do I begin? How does one go about describing the multitude of contradictory and perhaps politically incorrect and controversial feelings that have been roiling around oneself for several months, maybe even years? This could be one long-ass blog post.
So maybe I'll just break it up into a series of posts.
For now, I'll say this. No one is more surprised than I am to be a SAHM. My own mom worked a full-time job every day until she retired in her 60's and I just assumed that was normal and that I would do the same. After having my first kid, I went back to work after maternity leave and loved it. In fact I believe it was my saving grace. Work gave me a much needed break from childcare and the intellectual stimulation and adult socialization that I so badly craved.
Lots of studies show that working moms are much happier than SAHMs and experience a lot less anger and sadness.
So why am I staying home now? Gulp. What have I done?
Honestly, I don't know. But as I contemplate this question for the next blog post, here's one compelling reason for staying at home--squeezing these chubby rolls all day long.