Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Master and Commander


Do you ever wonder what happens if you don't cough when you really, really, I mean really need to? Does your head explode? Well, I unwittingly did a little experiment in class today where I forced myself not to cough even though the urge was killing me. What were the results?

Well, first of all, the context of the "experiment" was me, sitting in class, in the very middle of a very narrow aisle (read: I couldn't get up and go outside and cough to my heart's content). So I tried to suppress my cough. For about 5 times, I was unsuccessful and the cough won out. But then I steeled my nerves and really focused and ended up doing a pathetic muffled snorting noise which made my classmates turn around and ask me if I was ok.

And of course the urge still didn't go away (this was one serious tickle in the throat), so I said to myself: Christina, I know you want to give up, but don't. For humanity's sake, for the furtherance of scientific discovery, you need to sum up all your willpower to go through with this experiment. You must find out what happens when you force yourself not to cough!

And as the tickle in my throat started to crest to an almost unbearable point, I shut my eyes and concentrated 100% of my faculties on not coughing (or making faint muffled sounds). I aimed for complete silence. My forehead was beaded with sweat. And just when the urge was so intense, I thought I could bear it no longer...it passed! That awful tickle just disappeared, vanished, and lost all power over me. I had won. I HAD CONQUERED!

So the next time you feel powerless over your bodily functions, just remember this. You will not die if you hold that urge to pee, cough, burp, what have you. YOU are the master of your body.

Now go in peace young grasshopper.
And may the force be with you.

4 comments:

Infinity8Ball said...

Yet if you put all your brain power into not peeing, or what not... how then do you take notes?

Alice in Wonderland said...

Well, young paduwan, you have much to learn before you can understand the power of a Jedi.

Just kidding. I had no idea what the prof was saying.

Peggy said...

but if you hold your pee you end up with a urinary tract infection.

Alice in Wonderland said...

Yeah Peg, you're right, strike the pee. But I still stand behind the coughing.