Sound and Fury

Last week was awful, awful, awful, awful.

Did I mention it was awful?

It is one thing to have clients tell you to work 10-12 hours on Saturday and Sunday. 

But THEN to keep changing the major terms literally every hour so that all your hardwork has to be undone and redone.  

And THEN to tell you a few hours before a Saturday meeting that it's been cancelled. 

And THEN to tell you an hour later, it's been un-cancelled.

And then re-cancelled.

And then re-un-cancelled.

And then, finally re-re-cancelled.

And then to get on your Sunday telephone conference only to have your clients tell you they've changed the terms AGAIN.  Well, actually, they're just considering changing them, they're not really sure...they're so undecided they cancel the rest of the 5 hour call after confessing in that first hour that they don't know what the heck they want to do.

I won't bore you with more details, but imagine a careening roller-coaster, with a bunch of puke on the seats, and no safety harness...that about sums it up.

I mean, HOW in the heck am I supposed to arrange childcare if I don't know if and when I'll be needed until literally a couple hours before I'm needed?  I sadly don't have a live-in-nanny that can be summoned on a moment's notice.  And the spouse works all Saturday.  And if I hire someone, I can't just un-hire the person as soon as she arrives because suddenly my meetings have been cancelled.  ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

But the "best" part is that all the while I'm toiling away, missing my baby, getting frustrated at the constant change of plans, I know, I know deep within my bones, it's OBVIOUS, that this deal is NEVER going to happen.

We are running around like mad headless chicken for NOTHING.

The clients had ridiculously unrealistic timelines and unrealistic goals and it was NEVER going to happen.  And in the end, it didn't happen.  The deal was called off yesterday.

To be honest, I'm glad.  If the deal had continued, it would've just meant more crazy hours and intense stress for a few more days (and probably missing out on another weekend with my family).

And oh how I've missed my little guy.  I honestly don't know how partner-moms can do it.  HOW do you not see your kids, but for an hour each day?  How do you leave your kids for days at a time while you travel for work?

I know kids are malleable and they adjust.  They learn to cling less to you and more to someone else.  And I guess that's the trade-off partner-moms are willing (and probably happy) to make.

But I believe it comes with a price.  If you abdicate your role as the major care-giver in your kid's life, you are also abdicating your role as the major moral-guide in his/her life as well.  I read, and it makes sense intuitively, that kids will care about your values only to the extent they have a relationship with you.  Hence the famous retort, "You can't tell me what to do.  You're not my mother."

And those are words I never want to hear coming from my kid(s)!