Mandarin

I feel like a bad mommy because I haven't taught a lick of mandarin to Judah yet.


If I were a good mommy, Judah would know he's picking a "hua."

Although it's the language of my people (awkward phrase, but what else am I supposed to say?   It's not my native language, that would be English since I was born here)--anyway, where was I?

Although it's the language of my people, I've withheld it from my baby because:

(1) I suck at speaking it.  Once quite proficient, I've regressed to about a 1st grade level--if that!

(2) I have no reason to speak it because the spouse doesn't speak or understand it and no one else in Judah's life does either.

(3) I'm already speaking English and Spanish to him (thanks to his Mexican nanny) and it would take too long to say something for a THIRD time in a THIRD language.  I mean, how laborious to say "Okay, Judah, we need to go home, this is the last time, la ultima, zway ho ee tsi...that's right, last time, la ultima, zway ho ee tsi...Judah.  Drop it!  Last time!  La ultima!  Zway ho ee tsi!"

But now he's nearly 2 and he speaks English and Spanish.  And no mandarin at all.

I always told myself that it would be okay if I could get him into a mandarin-immersion pre-school.  But now I realize there's a big problem with that plan--he wouldn't understand a freaking thing for maybe his entire first month there!  My poor baby would be scared and confused, on top of being already scared and confused in a new environment.

So now I have to make a decision.

Do the hard work of translating as much as I can into mandarin from this point on (and probably dropping the Spanish)?  Or let it all go.  Just give up and forget about the mandarin.

Why does the kid need to speak mandarin anyway?  I barely speak it.

And here's where I feel the pull of tribalism.  It just feels wrong to abandon the mother-tongue.  If language is as much of an ethnic marker as anything else, and if ethnicity is as much of our identity as anything else--then it just feels like losing a part of ourselves.  A big, deep part.

And besides, sentimentalism aside, being bilingual improves brain function in other areas!