Earth to Major Tom

This is Tom Barrella's billboard.

This, apparently, is his last and greatest effort to find a wife.
Oh, but not just any wife.

As his website will tell you, this "first captain" is seeking his "firstmate...his soulmate."

Yes, the S-word.

The One.

When asked by an interviewer about her qualities, Tom replied, "I'll know when I see her. She'll give me butterflies. She'll motivate me to love her everyday."

Well, Tom, I wish you luck. But I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. First of all, you should know that the billboard bachelor is 41, very wealthy (otherwise how could he afford this huge panorama in NY), and has dated a lot. He's succesful, healthy, and filled to the brim with good things. All that's missing, the last piece of that pie...is Her. But Tom, sorry man, I don't think she exists because you are TOO PICKY!

People like Tom are idealists. It's gotta be perfect or not at all. Well Tom, people aren't perfect. Love isn't a fairytale. And no one is going to "motivate" you to love 24/7.

There's nothing wrong with being idealistic...but this realist just thinks that Tom needs to let it go. Face the music. You're never going to get married. You're hurdles are too high for any human being. You want perfection, which doesn't exist this side of heaven. Move on.

Tom reminds me of all those poor dissipated seekers of old. The Fisher King. Don Quixote...dreaming the impossible dream.

Actually, Tom reminds me of all of us...sadly. I'm sure we all dream of a land where things are perfect, skies are blue, and we have someone or something that gives us butterflies 24/7. But I don't know of anyone who's found it. I don't know of anyone, in all of history, who wasn't still looking forward, even up to the very moment they were laid to rest.