Please Make it Stop

Pounding headache.

So so so tired.

For the last 10 days I've been working a grueling schedule--waking up at 4 or 5 am for East Coast conference calls and sleeping at 10 or 11 pm drafting agreements.

This was interrupted by 2 days in the mountains on a retreat.  And while it was awesome, it sucked in terms of rest.  The toddler did not adjust well to being in a new place.  He wanted ONLY mommy to pat him on the back all through the night to help him sleep.  And there was a hunger strike involved.

At the end of the 2 days, Judah was a MONSTER.  Crying and whining about everything all the time.  And of course wanting mommy ONLY.

And from that pleasant scene, I jumped back into the fire of work.  Yesterday I got to the office at 7am and finally put down my pencil at 2am.  Oh my aching head.  And today promises to be another near all-nighter.  AAARGGGHGHHH.

I try to leave the office at a decent time to spend at least 1-2 hours with Judah before his bedtime, but it's clear that he misses me and has turned up his clingy-ness to an all-time epic level.

When it's just the spouse watching him, he is constantly crying and whining for mommy.  He never wakes up after we put him to bed, but he woke up 3 times last night, crying out for mommy.  When I AM around, he insists that I'm holding him constantly.  Poor guy.

I don't know how women can work much more grueling hours than I do.  I feel so bad for Judah and there's no way I can "parent" him properly because I don't want our precious time together to involve tears and conflict.

So I let him eat crap for dinner--chips and gummy bears!  And I let him throw his toys and crayons everywhere, only half-heartedly suggesting that we clean it up.  And yes, I'll do an extra long bedtime routine although this can lead to nothing good down the road in terms of his expectations for the future.

Judah used to have at least 2 or 3 'timeouts' during the day.  He hasn't had a 'timeout' for almost 2 weeks.  And it's NOT because he suddenly sprouted angel wings.

But there is one highlight to my hectic days.

Judah and the spouse call me every evening around 6 pm to ask when I'll be coming home.  And he shouts over the phone loud and clear--I love you mommy!

I love you baby!