Names in the Book of Life

One day Judah picked up our Spanish-English lexicon and started reading off his favorite catch phrases and names of people he knows.  He actually loves that pictureless book.  Go figure.

"Keira"
"Lecha" (Alexa)
"Uncle Will"
"Manfy (Manfred), Connie" (Those two names always goes together for Judah.)
"Ride the bus"
"Habitot!" (Baby gym)
"Studio Grow" (Another baby gym)
"Naty's school" (his friend's school)
"Di-ya-ya" (his nanny's name)

Judah's such a prolific gabber I often hear his little voice in my head throughout the day.  He likes to reach into his pocket and say "Got money."  And about a hundred times a day he'll say "Help me, help me, help me!" when he wants help opening something.

Recently he's learned to sing "Happy Birthday to you" with a long trill on the yooooooouuuuuu, which goes up an octave at the end.  He also likes to sing "Monkey jumping" (on the bed) and "Rock-a-baby" (on the tree top).

Gosh I love that little voice!

Weekend From Hell

Last weekend the dreadful work project that I was warned about finally hit my shores.

The clients gave us instructions to start drafting Friday at 4pm.  The deadline for the first draft was Monday morning.  It was a project that would take about 35 hours, if you worked at a reasonable pace.

So let's do the math, 35 hours of work crammed over Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.  NOOOOOOO!

Thank goodness for daddy day-care.  Judah and dad had lots of bonding time over little cars.

Of course I had a panic attack at 2am on Friday and couldn't sleep the rest of the night--adrenaline coursing through my veins like I was being chased by a pack of wolves.

But working all weekend was not the worst part by a long shot.  The worst part was missing my baby.  I saw so little of him over the weekend (and so little in the subsequent week days due to continued crazy late work schedules) that he's started to get really clingy.

He'll howl if I leave the room.  He won't let his dad hold him or feed him if I'm in the room.  And, worst of all, he's completely regressed in his bedtime behavior.

For over 5 months now, we've had it VERY good.  I'd nurse him a little and then he would lean and point toward his crib and voluntarily suggest that I put him in his crib to sleep.  "Crib, sleep," he would say.  "Bye-bye," he would tell me as I lowered him in.  Every. Single. Day.  It was awesome!

But just this last week he completely changed.  As I put him in his crib he started howling "NOOOOO!  Sleeeeeeep!  Mooooooommy!" (meaning:  I want to sleep on Mommy, not in the crib by myself.)

He cried for 15 minutes until the Spouse went to comfort him and stealthily sneak him in his crib, deeply asleep.

Sigh, guess it's back to the old sleep-training drawing board for Judah!

Judah and Friends

We are so lucky to live in a complex full of kids near Judah's age. Anytime we go out, Judah's sure to bump into some little buddy and have a ball socializing.

But Judah's favorite buddy is his neighbor, whom he calls "Keebie". He's always asking if we can go play with Keebie.

Frankly, he might just be into her awesome toy collection though.  He'll often ignore her and go straight for her baby shopping cart and cook stove!

Trooper

Yesterday was a total failure.

It was supposed to be Wonderful Family Adventure Day, as both your dad and I had the day off.

We were supposed to take you to a lovely park in San Francisco and spend the day reveling in lovely new adventures together.

But instead we could not get up in the morning.

It was one of those days that I woke up feeling like soemthing half-dead from the gutter.  Tired.  So very very tired.  After caring for you for about 35 minutes, I begged your dad to wake up and relieve me so I could go back to sleep.

He lasted a little longer--a little over an hour--and then begged me to relieve him so he could go back to sleep.

And then I wanted to desperately to take another nap.

As we played baby-sitter roulette, you took it all in stride.  Content to bounce around the house until we had enough energy to take you out to run some quick errands.

But, who are we kidding, you had a crappy, boring, uneventful day.

We owe you one.  Next time.  I promise.  We'll do something fun even if it kills us!

Shy Guy

Recently you've been doing a lot of this (please ignore my pasty-winter legs):

As your cognitive awareness blossoms, so does your shyness. It's funny because you used to be such a fearless baby--saying hi to strangers and walking into new places like you owned the joint.

Now you cling to me for dear life when you enter a new place.

I guess it's a good thing for you to have a little "stranger danger" instinct.  But you're still pretty easy to kidnap if someone waves a toy or snack in your face!

Mommy Sad, Mommy Happy!

Typical interaction with Judah (happens about 20x a day):

Me:  Kiss mommy!

[Judah turns his head away from me.]

Me: [Looking sad] Judah! Why you no kiss mommy?!

Judah: [Makes a fake sad face] Waaaah, mommy sad.

[Judah kisses me.  Aaaaah, what I live for.]

Judah: Mommy happy!

Me: Yay, mommy happy!  Again!

[Judah turns his head away.]

Rinse and repeat.  I can't get enough of his sympathy kisses!

Mall Rats

A few weeks back we went to the SF mall.  For some reason your dad had a HUGE hankering to go there.  I think being a mall rat is in his 80's blood.

I was delighted to find an H&M that sold kiddie clothes.  This is your first time in a dressing room, checking yourself out.

We approve of this cute outfit! I have such a weakness for baby overalls.

Later we went to a toy store where you rode some stuffed animals.  Here you're doing the 'scared' sign (patting hand on your chest).  You always get scared when you're "riding" something...even if you really really want to ride it.

But you felt better riding a smaller animal.

Reminds me of Jesus riding on the colt of a donkey during Palm Sunday, ha ha.

Amusing Ourselves

We recently went to Children's Fairyland (kinda like a disneyland for toddlers) with your twinsie Ry-ry.  You guys had a blast.

Here you are checking out the home of the 3 little pigs.

Looks cozy inside!

One of the displays was a cute little baptist church.

You look like you're preachin' something--just like your daddy.

Of course I had to make you take a picture by the Alice in Wonderland display!

You were very brave to ride the kiddie carousel even though you were scared of it.  But you would only ride in the one shaped like a chair, I guess because it was familiar.  Baby steps.

I guess this qualifies as your first amusement park trip!  Next stop--Disneyland (in about four years)!

Trading Up

The spouse recently asked me what I wanted for mother's day. Hmmm, where do I begin?

Some good dessert wine...

To watch a movie in the theatre...

A lovely hike under the redwood trees...

Some serious retail therapy...

My pre-baby body back...

Heck, while we're on fantasy wishes, 8 hours of sleep...

My sanity/time for just myself...

Basically, everything I've given up ever since you were born.

I'm not gonna lie.  It is hard, HARD, giving up every last inch of brain space and self-interest to another person.  Especially a totally demanding and irrationally difficult person who does not understand the first thing about waiting, even for just a second.

I will forever divide my life into Pre-Judah and Post-Judah.  And laugh at my silly Pre-Judah naivete and innocence.  Oh silly woman who thought she could still have hobbies after the baby came.

But of course, I would give it all up again in a heartbeat.

Nothing compares to looking into your little face and realizing that all the cliches in the world about love are actually...true.

Operation Wean Judah: Stalled

We've hit a bump on the road to weaning.

Although we're down to just one feeding (the night-time one), Judah's gotten really tired of hearing that boo-boo is owie.  Each day his frustration grows at the fact that boo-boo is STILL owie.

Now he'll insist "Boo-boo okay!  Boo-boo okay!"  (meaning, it's not owie, it's okay).

And then he'll say "Take!  Take!" (meaning, take those darn bandages off!)

This morning he actually burst out in tears and hurled his bottle onto the floor in anger.

Maybe he'd forget about nursing if I would just let that one last feeding go, but I'm finding out that I just can't.  It's just too wonderfully cuddly and sweet. 

It's the best way to end a LOOOOONG day of fighting, cajoling, frustrating wrestling with my obstinate toddler and the best way to say "Mommy loves you and I'm sorry for losing my patience and yelling at you when you threw pureed food on the floor for the third time, AGAIN."

Maybe we'll just keep this last one...

Watcha Gonna Do

Life with Judah is definitely getting more...difficult.

I question myself 100 times a day, wondering, is he obstinate because of my lack of parenting skills? Or is he obstinate because he's just a toddler?

Is it normal for everything to be so difficult and to take so much time?

Honestly, just trying to get him to do the littlest things can take FOREVER.  For example, how hard is it to put on your shoes and get in your car seat?  Easy peasy, right?

Nope.

First, Judah has some opinions about foot-wear.  He wants to wear his snowboots when it's 80 degrees outside.  Or he wants to wear his crocs when it's freezing cold and rainy.  There are negotiations, reasonings, cajoling, tears, long pauses...a lot of fierce kicking as I give up on getting his buy-in and just stuff his little feet into the appropriate pair of shoes.

So we're out the door.  Half the battle won, right?

Wrong.

Outside the door is his collection of bubble paraphanelia.  A big bubble bucket.  A bubble blower machine.  A little bubble bucket.  And a bubble gun.  They sing a siren song to Judah everytime he walks by and Judah must heed their call.

If I'm in a hurry, I'll carry him away, screaming and wailing.  But if I can spare 20 minutes, I'll let him blow bubbles (read: wave the wand around and fling soapy juice everywhere) before gently reminding him we need to go to the car.

And once I get him out to the car, you'd think we're home free, right?

Not with this one.

He now needs to "drive" first.  He wants to sit in the driver's seat, turn on the music and grab the wheel for a good long time.  That's actually not as annoying as the times he just wants to run down the street and take a leisurely stroll first.

Anyway, if you add it all up--it's about 45 minutes from getting his shoes on to the time I finally buckle him in.  Slow and frustrating does not even BEGIN to describe it!

Now multiply this by the entire day...uncooperative diaper changes, uncooperative eating, uncooperative napping, etc. and...don't you feel tired yet?

It's like herding a cat and watching molasses all rolled into one.

You So Far

It's the weekend.  The weather is warming up.  The sun is shining.  Life is good.

I'm in a hurry, so I'll just post some pics of you at the park recently. You are growing so much in every way.

I love seeing your little unique personality emerging.  As you're able to say and do so much more now.

You are a happy, social, affectionate, quick-to-complain, but quick-to-let-things-go little guy.

You are a gift.  Each and every day.  Each and every moment with you, is nothing short of pure grace.

Operation Wean Judah: Day Whatever

Just a quick note to say that Operation Wean Judah has been going swimmingly.  I imagine that's the kind of sentence CIA operatives write to Obama once in a while (except it's a different operation name, duh).

Anywho, Judah's natural empathy has made him completely accept my 'boo-boo owie' without any fuss.  He happily accepts a substitute bottle of cow's milk and we are now down to just 1 feeding a day.

And perhaps the biggest surprise so far is that I love it.  I love it!  I love the freedom!  I love not having to wear nursing shirts all the time.  I can't WAIT to wean him completely!!!

FREEDOM!!!!  (Insert image of William Wallace in full war-paint).

Operation Wean Juday: Day One

Day One was...totally unexpected.

After sucking in a huge breath and muttering fervent prayers for mercy, I bandaged myself up and showed them to Judah and told him there's no boo boo because they are owie.

He looked a little sad and repeated "boo boo owie...bandage...boo boo owie."

Judah gave me a consoling hug and the spouse and I exchanged a raised-eyebrow look.

That was almost too easy!

For the rest of the day Judah kept repeating "boo boo owie."  And then I unbandaged myself for his nightime nursing, which delighted and confused Judah.

Hopefully he'll be just as accepting today (and not totally confused and disoriented) when the bandage goes back on after I get home from work!

The Beginning of the End

This is the face I expect to greet me today when I get home from work:

Why, you may ask?


Because today for the first time IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE, I will not nurse him on demand (which he always demands right away when I get home).  In fact, I will not nurse him at all until it's bedtime.

Yes, today is Operation Wean Judah: Day One. Or perhaps more to the point, as the spouse likes to point out, it’s Operation Wean Mommy. Because I’m the one who is going to be traumatized and guilt-ridden about it all. The plan is to drop a feeding every 4 days until we are all done.

There are good reasons to wean Judah (which I won’t get into now), but a large part of me, the largest part actually, just really really really doesn’t want to do it.  I know we had a good run.  Heck, he's 20 months.  (But then I keep telling myself that in the majority of cultures and for the majority of history, children weren't weaned until 3 or 4.  20 months seems so YOUNG to wean.  My baby's only 1.  1!)

And I love our special little bond. I love cuddling him (and that’s the only time this wiggly worm will sit still in my lap for more than 2 seconds). I love being able to provide the ultimate source of comfort and security for him. I love the idea that he’s getting micro-nutrients, probiotic enzymes, and all kinds of immunological benefits from this ‘secret sauce’ that science is just now discovering, and may never fully uncover because it’s just that awesome.

But mostly, it’s the bond. The closeness. The attachment.

Judah has been a champion nurser from day 1, latching perfectly, never biting (except for a few playful times, but it wasn’t too bad and he stopped right away), and doing his business pretty efficiently.

I can’t believe, in my new-mom daze and exhaustion, I was going to wean him at just 2 months old! At that point, I had barely slept and the idea of feeding him (and thus being awake) every 3 hours for months and months sounded like hell. Throw in the beginnings of very bad reflux fussiness and I was *this close* to throwing in the towel. Thankfully his reflux problems subsided around 4 months and since then it’s been one, smooth, long, wonderful ride on the nursing train.  (Okay, there have been bumps along the way, but really they were nothing compared to how wonderful it's been.  Or maybe I just have Stokholm Syndrome, nursing edition.)

But now that ride is coming to an end.  Sigh.

I’ve done my research and I’m hoping that Judah’s strong sense of empathy will make the “band-aid” method work like a charm. The method is to simply stick some band-aids on the boobs and tell your kid that they are sick, or broken, or “owie.” Judah actually knows the word “bandage” from the time he split his head on an iron grate and had to wear one for 3 days straight.

And if that doesn’t work, I will bribe him with gummy bears and lollipops.

And if that doesn’t work, I’m giving him the previously, un-introduced delights of chocolate and rocky-road icecream.

And if that doesn’t work, I will use the “lemon method” wherein you squeeze a lemon on your boob and thereby demonstrate that the milk has gone “bad”.

And if that doesn’t work, I will make the spouse handle him for the rest of the day while I go and get a pedicure (and/or sob with guilt and sadness by myself in the car).

So if I post some pics of a nice pedicure tomorrow…you’ll know it was bad.

Really really bad.

Don't Get Me Wrong

Looking at my blog entries, I think it's easy to get the wrong idea.

The wrong idea is that our lives are an endless string of nice/fun/cute/pleasant moments.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Just yesterday I was pining away for Judah all day at work. I get home and within literally 10 minutes of seeing him, I was already pining for a Judah-break!  Someone take this child from me!

I was hungry and thirsty. I wanted a snack but Judah wouldn't stop hanging on to me. Whining. Trying to nurse. Wanting to color and look at his photo book.

I wanted to go upstairs and pee but Judah was whining and hanging on to me...you get the idea.

Judah's not a very 'independent' person.  He has yet to learn (and we have yet to teach him) to spend large chunks of time on his own, doin' his own thang, so to speak.  So he needs constant interaction.  Constant.  And he loves getting up in our business.

Oh, you're opening the fridge door?  I want to poke my head in and look around!

Oh you're having a snack?  I want some too but I would like to scatter crumbs all over the floor as well.

Oh you're doing laundry?  I want to help and get distracted and play with the swiffer in the laundry room but you need to do it with me.

A hundred times a day I think to myself, man, it's a good thing I think you're so darn cute, cuz otherwise...

Baby, Let's Ride

I think "driving" is right up there with all the major child development milestones (rolling over, sitting, standing, walking, talking, etc.)

Every kid, at some point, thinks it would be fun to sit in the driver's seat.

And every parent, at some point, takes a picture of it.

So there you have it. Your obligatory driving picture.

You always motion for me to sit in the passenger seat with you and then you say "mu-gkah" for music and then "loud!"

That's how you roll.

Little Farm

Last week we went to a farm where you can feed the animals.  Here's you and "old Macdonald" aka, your dear old dad.

You were kinda freaked out by the cows but eventually petted a calf.

But you were not ready to look him in the face.

Or feed him celery.  You could barely look as your dad fed him.  You know, you used to be a lot braver as a baby. You weren't scared of anything as a baby. Now you're scared of cows, and carousels, umbrellas, and loud noises from the vac or juicer, and the list just grows by the day!

All in all, a good time was had.  Your city slicker parents got to see farm animals up close and personal for the first time in their lives--man, sheep look freaky with their fish-eyes and chompy teeth.  And roosters are BIG.  And geese are mean and big.  And here concludes my astute observations on agricultural zoology.

And you learned to say "aminah" (trans. animal) and "sell-ray-ray" (trans. celery).

Not bad for a bunch of city folk.

Knocked Out

Last week I drove my family to a little farm, aptly named Little Farm.

When I parked I turned around and saw this:

Awww, so sweet.  But gives you a sense of who does all the work around here (and who does all the napping)!

A Little to the Left, Judah

I'm a strong believer in child labor.

As soon as Judah is old enough, he is washing the dishes, cooking us dinner, doing the laundry, mopping the floor, vacuuming, and anything else I can think of.

His wife is gonna thank me BIG TIME.

And not least of all, Judah's gonna be an expert masseuse because I get achy shoulders all the time.

You're never too young to start massaging your poor tired mom.