Car Alarm Bird

This morning I woke up tired and grumpy.

It's the damn birds outside my window.

There's this one bird in particular. It makes a sound like a car alarm:

tdeeeeeew-tdeeeeeew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew
tdeeeeeew-tdeeeeeew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew
tdeeeeeew-tdeeeeeew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew
tdeeeeeew-tdeeeeeew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew
tdeeeeeew-tdeeeeeew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew-tdew

Every beat, on the beat.

This stupid bird starts skawking at sunrise and for a moment, my sleep-addled mind incorporated that god-forsaken noise into my dream.

I was back in my childhood home and this gigantic bird, the size of a small dog, was making that awful noise right in the backyard. I was sitting in the house, next to the double-sliding patio window doors and the bird was on the other side squawking.

But this bird was special looking. And by special I mean disgusting. It had the head of a parrot and a naked body, no feathers! Scared the bejesus out of me! I know where this image came from too.

I was watching the local news yesterday and they showed a brief picture of a dancing featherless bird. I nearly threw up when I saw it. Watch this if you dare. (First you'll probably want to put down any chicken tenders you might be eating at the moment).

Anyway, in my dream I was deciding how to get rid of this gigantic horrible beast-bird outside my patio door and thought about opening the door and throwing a rock at it. But I was afraid it would get bloody and pissed and attack me. Messy.

Slowly I realized it was a dream, and the real source of that awful noise was outside my window. I begrudgingly got out of bed, put on earplugs and quietly said a blessing for the inventor of soft squishy materials--aaaaah sweet relief. It's amazing how effective earplugs are these days!

Until my earplugs fell out a few hours later and once again my ears filled with the audio equivalent of bile.

Damn bird.