Need more distractions from school...

You Are 36% Vain

Okay, so you're slightly vain from time to time, but you're not superficial at all. You are realistic. You know that looks matter. You just try to make them matter less.

How Vain Are You?

You Are Likely a Third Born

At your darkest moments, you feel vulnerable. At work and school, you do best when you're comparing things. When you love someone, you tend to like to please them. In friendship, you are loyal to one person. Your ideal careers are: sales, police officer, newspaper reporter, inventor, poet, and animal trainer. You will leave your mark on the world with inventions, poetry, and inspiration.

The Birth Order Predictor

Author's note: I am not a third born. I'm a second born!

Your Emoticon is Grumpy

Maybe you're having a bad day... or maybe something just upset you. Either way, you're definitely seeing red!

What Emoticon Best Represents You Right Now?

You Failed 8th Grade Geography

Sorry, you only got 5/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Geography?

Author's note: Hey, these questions are HARD! No 8th grader could get these right!

You Passed 8th Grade Spanish

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Spanish?

Author's note: Sweet! I still got it.

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you. Because who could beat being a sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?

You Are 80% Pure

You're so innocent, it's almost like you're not human. Taking this test is probably the naughtiest thing you've done in a while!

How Pure Are You?

Your World View

You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content. You value kindness and try to live by your ideals. You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material. You respect truth and are flexible. You like people, and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you.

What Is Your World View?

Author's note: This is so true. It's like they looked into my heart...and the hearts of 90% of humanity too.

What a man, what a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man...or is he?

Look what a difference a good man can make in a woman's life:

Exhibit A: I give you Christina Aguilera-Bratman

Before she met a good man (namely her newly-wed husband, Jordan Bratman), she was all dirrrty and asslessly-chapped. If this isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is.

But look at her now! Girl has turned over a new leaf. She feels good about herself and she looks it. Thank you Jordan for restoring the sanity and self-esteem of a downward-spiralling songstress.

But be warned ladies, choosing the wrong man can bring just the opposite, a perilous turn for the worst.

Exhibit B:
Sure she may be doing better now, but that girl has gone on one loooong downward plunge since meeting Mr. K-Fed from which she is just now starting to recover.

Her career, her reputation, and perhaps worst of all, her fashion sense, has been all but ruined by that fateful union.

Exhibiting Signs of Depression

I'm dreading going back to school.

If this year is going to be anything like last year, just shoot me now.

All I remember was constantly wondering: Is this all futile? Am I studying the right things? Do I really need to be going to class?

And when I got my exams back I realized the answer to those questions were: yes; half-and-half; and no.

Froline Maria's Got Nothin' on Me

This seems like a nice feel-good quiz...

Instructions: Name 10 of life's simple pleasures, then pick people to do the same. Try to be original and creative.

1. Watching a steamy iron take out all the wrinkles in cotton dress shirts.

2. Jumping into a bed made with freshly laundered sheets and covers while wearing freshly cleaned jammies after taking a nice hot shower...to read a spell-binding page-turner.

3. Dancing like a maniac when you know you're all alone.

4. Singing your heart out when you know you're all alone.

5. Playing with a toddler or dog...no other "animal" comes close (sorry cat lovers).

6. Hosting a dinner party for six with matching dishes and silverware, decorated with candles and flowers, complete with appetizers and dessert, and of course, fabulous wine.

7. Reading a line that perfectly articulates what you've always felt but could never express.

8. Gut-busting comedy. The kind that makes you laugh out loud and snort up your milk-shake. It's even better when YOU are the gut-busting comic.

9. Pizza and a GOOD movie, both must be shared.

10. Being truly sorry and then being truly forgiven.

I tag: Alaberi, Quiet Girl, SuperEgo, and TipTopTam (and anyone else on my links).

Summer: Soup to Nuts Edition

soup to nuts slang. 1. From beginning to end; 2. To include or cover everything, as in a multicourse meal; e.g. The lecture on basketweaving covered everything from soup to nuts.


So here's the soup to nuts of what I did this Summer:

1. I heard the expression "soup to nuts" for the first time in my life.

2. Worked as a student lawyer for "indigent" people.


3. Visited the Bay Area.


4. Said goodbye (or rather syonara) to the Shorts as they moved to Japan.


5. Said goodbye to the Georges as they moved to the Bay Area.


6. Got a short visit from mom-in-law.


7. Did NOT go to the biggest casino on the East Coast, did NOT play craps and blackjack there, and did NOT double my money. (Woohoo!)


8. Another goodbye! This one's going to Southern California.


9. Tooled around Cambridge with Brother and Connie.


10. Played the quintessential Boston commons sport: frisbee.


11. Did a 1500 piece puzzle.


We finished!


12. Played all kinds of board games, like this one, Bang! This was a fun western-themed game in which there are Sheriffs, Outlaws, and Renegades. While playing this I kept hearing this song in my head, "I shot the sheriff...but I didn't shoot the deputy."

Th-th-that's all folks!

Happy Anniversary!

Thanks for the best three years of my life!

Little Miss Sunshine

By now most people have already seen this delightful cinematic piece. I think I really enjoyed it because it reinforces my personal philsophy on life, which has always included the following elements:

1. Life is really, really hard and almost always sickening.

2. People are really, really flawed and almost always pitiable.

3. And any art, to be good, must be mindful of the two points above; because art should be truthful and only in truth can there be beauty.

Androgenous Pat

If you have an Yahoo email account, you've probably seen this person before. He/she is one of the rotating pictures Yahoo has on its log-in page.

And it drives me crazy wondering...is this a man or a woman?

Particular points of ambiguity:

1. The hair -- too long to be male, but not an obviously feminine style.

2. The jawline -- too strong to be female, but then again, some women do have big man-dibles. Think: Russian Women's Olympic Weightlifting...which brings me to my next point...

3. The shoulders -- looks a little too broad and beefy to be a female's. And lastly...

4. The clothing strap -- Is that from a halter top? (In which case it's a woman) Or a rare sighting of a strappy man-tank? (In which case it's a badly dressed man who's stuck in the fashion hell of the eighties and early nineties).

And I do wonder what's in that red plastic cup...a cocktail of orange juice and crushed hormone therapy pills?

It basically boils down to this: the hair, the sunglasses, and the strap says woman. But the man-dible and the beefy shoulders say man.

What do you think he/she is?

Favorite Quote of the Day

"I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty."

-- The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time

Women I Love

I'm so sick of all the vapid, self-absorbed, and slutty celebrities in the limelight that I decided to pay homage to some of my favorites.

Unlike wonky-eyed Paris, or double-D Pam, or red-neck Britney, or crack-ho Lindsey, or barbie-twins Ashley and Jessica Simpson...these ladies have more class and talent in their pinkies than most celebrities can show for in a lifetime.

So without further ado, I present to you, the real treasures of Hollywood:

Lisa Kudrow - Incredibly real, incredibly funny, incredibly talented.



Felicity Huffman - Not a great looker, but anyone who plays a transvestite in a compassionate film and is married to William H. Macy is tops in my book.



Sandra Oh - Hard on the eyes, but such a talented actress! You never feel like Sandra is "playing a role." She's totally natural and unaffected on screen.



SJP - Once again, hard on the eyes, but such the comic genius and gracious talk-show guest. I don't care what nasty rumors were floated around the set of Sex and the City. SJP exudes good taste and dazzling wit.



Reese - I respect her for resisting the pressure to look Barbie-ish and never getting a chin-reduction. The girl is the epitome of Southern class and charm. You'll never see Reese in a ghastly outfit, nor her children throwing a tantrum.



Charlize - The only lady on my list that actually looks hot. Blessed with both ravishing beauty and humility, a rare bird indeed. I bet her depth of character has something to do with her tragically abusive childhood. Despite all her assets, she probably still has extremely low self-esteem...which is probably her saving grace.

The End of a Short Career

Here is some of what I learned from my summer job as a student attorney.

Psst...I think I have an addiction.

Lately it's dawned on me that I have a soft-addiction.

Some people have hard-addictions, like gambling, crack, or porn. Soft-addictions are more "harmless" but still produce the same kind of unhealthy obsession and chemical firings that their more dangerous counterparts effect.

Soft-addictions can be anything from overeating to nail-biting. Mine is obsessively looking at clothes and accessories.

Everytime I'm on the computer (usually during work) I catch myself mindlessly surfing clothing sites. And when I come home, I unconsciously start flipping through reams of clothing catalogues piled up on my coffee table.

And it's not because I want to buy the clothes.

A lot of the clothes are just too expensive. The catalogues are from Saks or Bloomingdales. Heck, I can't even buy things out of the J.Crew catalogues. But nevertheless I flip page after page.

And a lot of the clothes are just plain ugly. I flip through catalogues for all kinds of target audiences: plus-size women, women over 50, women who look like they homeschool, women who like "classic" styles and prefer to stay in the fashion of the early 90's perpetually, etc.

And yet I continue to thumb the pages. Page after page. Season after season. Everything from Coach to LLBean. I'm there. Anytime I have a free moment I find my body unconsciously gravitating toward a catalogue or clicking on my "Favorites" folder marked "Shopping."

I exalt in the changing of seasons because that means new outfits, new styles! During the summer, bermuda shorts were all the rage. Things are getting "longer" in general. T's and tank-tops became "tunic-length" and belts appeared on everything from cardigans to sundresses.

Now, as Fall fast approaches, there begins the reign of the "skinny jean". Yes, those tapered abominations we all wore back in the late 80's and early 90's (some even come complete with zippers!). And as if that was not offensive enough, leggings are making a comeback. (But truth be told, they had emerged in early Spring of this year already.) The latest trends are not for the faint of heart, or the wide of girth.

Yes, no one is as "up" on her fashion as I am.

But I don't just "read" catalogues for the latest in fashion. I relish every detail about clothes. I read the description carefully; I find out what material it is made out of; I get a special kick out of things that are bias-cut; and for all shoes I carefully scrutinize the heel height, as I do the inseam for all pants.

I've learned quite a few words of the trade too, like: grossgrain, pique, surplice, and d'orsay. I know when lacey things are battenburg, Queen Anne, or just plain crocheted.

And don't get me started on jewelry! Please don't judge me, oh what the heck, go ahead, I know I'm pathetic...but I've started watching the home shoppping network! They have a program called JewelryVision and it sells baubles 24/7. I find myself flipping through those channels more often than I would like to admit.

So what is wrong with me?! What's with all this consumer-lust?!

I don't know...but sometimes I seriously foresee a possible future career in the fashion industry...or maybe this is the beginning of a long, downward-winding road toward shop-aholism and living out of my car full of bias-cut surplice tunics and d'orsay pumps!

Chit Chat

I finally found a moment to write so I thought I would.

And then I promptly realized that there was nothing to write about.

Well...that's not totally true. I could write about a lot of things, but nothing that I would want the "whole world" to know about.

Except maybe that:

(1) I went to a fabulous wine-tasting good-bye party for Emily and Stephen who are moving back to good 'ol California. We sampled Chianti (blech), Bordeaux (blach), Port (yuck), and many others. And I realized I quite like a certain bubbly called Moscato D'Asti. It tastes a lot like wine cooler. I'm such a simple philistine.

(2) I'm old. Don't you ever wake up and think: Gee I'm old? It's time for me to finally start grooming my eyebrows and using hair products.

(3) I'm torn between keeping and returning a brown suit I bought. It looked like a nice dark color on the internet. But when they shipped it to me, I realized it's a reddish brown.

I hate the color.
I don't want to pay for shipping.
I hate the color.
But it's not that bad.
I hate the color
But I threw away the box...

They say you can't go back...

So I’ve been MIA for a few days while traveling to California for a friend’s wedding.

It’s always weird going back to the Bay Area.

I left my childhood friends and family since college and have been making mini-visits back ever since (that’s nearly 10 years ago). And each time I go back, I feel weirder and weirder.

I feel like a stranger in my own home, like a Rip Van Winkle who awakes every 6-8 months to look around for four days before nodding off again. You really start to sift the wheat from the chaff and find out who were friends of convenience and who were true friends of simpatico.

Sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder.

But sometimes it just accentuates the distance that was always there.

More "fun" in court...

What do you do when you're client's guilty as all get out?

Read here to find out.

It looks like a job for...Therapy Dog!

Cuter than a chubby gerbil,
Warmer than a fleecy blanket,
Softer than an angora sweater...

It's Therapy Dog!

My friend's 3 month old Cavalier puppy, Aunt Hazel, is training to be a therapy dog. When Hazel gets certified, she'll be petted by old people, sick children, and prisoners everywhere.

Wherever love is needed, Auntie Hazel will be right there to melt hearts with a single look of her irresistable puppy-eyes.

Naomi, the dalmation, is a little jealous, but she's getting used to being second banana. Poor Naomi. Is that the tired look of resignation and defeat I see in her eyes?
Alas, Therapy Dog's powers are useless to cheer up those of her own species.

Give me that old time religion PLUS

I spent Saturday with Stephanie and Mary.



Mary Baker Eddy, that is, founder (foundress?) of Church of Christ Scientist which world headquarters are conveniently located in Downtown Boston.

We first visited "The Mary Baker Eddy Library for the Betterment of Humanity" which is like a visitor center and museum. But as soon as you go in, you realize it's more like "The Mary Baker Eddy Display for the Conversion of Humanity to Christian Science."


Each display has been carefully crafted and positioned to evangelize to the viewer in a subtle and nonconfrontational way.

1. First you begin at the "questing" display where all kinds of famous people of different religions are quoted about spiritual seeking. No specific religions are mentioned, just general mushy gushy sentiments about spirituality (very Oprah-esque).


2. Next you go through the "Mary's Quest" display where it talks about Mary's childhood and how she grew up Presbyterian but just could not abide the harsh god of Predestination. And it shows her rebelling against the barbaric medical notions of her day, some propogated by ignorant Presbyterian ministers like Sylverster Graham, the infamous inventor of the Graham Bread Diet.


3. It also shows Mary as a champion of Women's Rights and antislavery movements.


4. Lastly you enter the "What Mary Found (and Founded)" display, which I like to call "The Eureka Room." This is the part in a sales pitch where the "closing" comes. Are you searching spiritual truths as Mary did? Well then you've come to the right place. Here's what Mary found to be true and now she will share that secret with you (not for $600, not even $400, but this priceless truth is FREE!) Ok, I watch too many infomercials.

Anyway, it was fun to see the Mapparium, which the tour guide told us has nothing to do with the religion. It's just there for fun. What is it? It's a 3-story globe that has a glass walkway in the middle for people to stand on and ogle from.

It's funny because it was made in the 1930's and the world has changed considerably since then. French Indochina anyone? It was sad to see that nearly all of Africa was colonized back then. No wonder it's a basket case now!

Afterwards we went to the actual church built by Mary in 1891 and the annex. It was the most beautiful building I've seen in a long time: thilling vaulted ceilings, rich expensive wood, dazzlingly crafted stained-glass windows. Now that's a church!


And what was in each velvet-padded pew?

Two books: The King James Bible and The Book of Mary (which is really called: Science and Health).


And inscribed all over that gorgeous sanctuary are quotes from Christ, the apostle Paul, the apostle John, and of course, Mary Baker Eddy.

And that's when I realized how these kind of religions get started. Much like Joseph Smith's Mormonism, Mary Eddy promoted Christianity, but with a twist, what I like to call, PLUS. It's all the things you like about Christianity, and then your own embellishments too.

What struck me as the saddest thing about the Church of Christ Scientists is its anachronism, aptly symbolized by their out-of-date globe.

In Mary's day, it was probably best not to follow modern medical practices, which included blood-letting for fevers and other cooky things. But now, her gospel of "No doctors needed, just faith" is ignorant and detrimental in the face of technological and medical advances.

Many a child of Christian Scientists have died on Law & Order episodes due to lack of medical attention stemming from Mary's quackery.

Don't hang up...it's me!

So you may have noticed my blog title has changed to Alice in Wonderland. I need to go incognito now because I'll be working for The Man soon (well, technically interviewing to work for The Man) and he doesn't appreciate employees who blog.

See this entry for more info.

Perry Mason I am not.

Read about my first trial here: complete with sketchy ethics, an off-the-hook judge, and a less-than-dignified falafel*.

*The identity of the food has been changed to protect the client's privacy.