Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Welcome to the real world


For the last two days Dr. Phil has been doing his "love smart" series.

He's helping women in their thirties snag a man. These women, for one reason or another, never get asked out on that "second date." There's a lot of hidden cameras and microphones so the audience can sneak a peek at the participants' dates and analyze what they did wrong during the lunch or dinner.

One woman was just awful. A total barbarian. At the sushi restaurant she played with all their food and touched everything with her germy fingers, just to touch it! And then she repeatedly insulted where her date was from, which was Ohio. She derisively called it "Cow-town." And maybe worst of all, she pelted him with questions rapid-fire-style about his dating past, ex-girlfriends, and commented on his answers with nothing but negative assumptions. "So, you're a serial dater" "So, you're a jerk" etc...

Anyway, I watched with morbid interest.

I thought to myself, "This is a whole genre of life that I may never know about." I've never been on a "get to know each other" date with anyone, ever. My brother, on the other hand, now that he's edging on thirty, is starting to become an old pro at this. But no one has ever said to me, "Oh, you should meet so-and-so, he's really great and you two would really hit it off. I'll have him call you next week and ask you out to lunch sometime."

I met my husband when I was nineteen (gosh that sounds so ridiculously young to me now) and that was pretty much it.

But I do always wonder what it would be like to go on those awkward "getting acquainted" quasi-dates. On one hand it sounds like great fun: go out to eat, watch a movie, go to a bowling alley, whatever...and all paid for too! What could be so bad about that? But I guess it could be a real ego-crusher if you never get that second date.

All in all, I think I'm grateful not to ever have to go on that roller-coaster of uncertainty. There's so many things that people (including myself) could be picky about and the chances of liking the person you've been set up with is depressingly small.

It just seems so much more romantic to "bump" into your love when you least expect it, when you're not even looking.

But that's all Hollywood lies and crap that you get from watching too many inane romantic comedies. Fiction would have us believe that the gods just magically set up two hearts that were "meant to beat as one" in some coincidental accident.

"Oh, you ride this train too?"
"No, but I just missed my usual one cause my cat got sick and I had to call a vet before catching this train."
"Oh, well, there's only one empty seat left, next to me..."
Blech!

The real world is Dr. Phil taping your first date and telling you that you need to ask better questions and maintain eye-contact with your date.

9 comments:

nafrica said...

but Christina, we did just bump into each other...

"...oh, you are doing evangelism too? what a coincidence!"

[postscript - did I really start dating you when you were just a teenager?]

Alice in Wonderland said...

Hi Honey,

Yes, I know that you are perversely proud to be a cradle-robber.

And yes, we are an exception to the rule.

Will said...

Dr Phil should come up with a way for guys to serial date on the cheap.

Infinity8Ball said...

Never know... it *could* happen. Well, the meeting each other anyway, perhaps not the "piece of cake" stuff that follows in the movies. (Or at least so I hear...)

And Mike, you sly dog you. ;^p

Alice in Wonderland said...

Guh, there is a cheap way to serial date. It's called speed dating!

konycrayola said...

random dating is retarded. friends first!

Alice in Wonderland said...

But Kony, what happens after you've exhausted all your friends? Like in Melrose Place?

Anonymous said...

Hi Christina!

It's been a long time and Melissa told me about your blog. It sounds like you're doing well in Boston. Thanks for giving me a good laugh in the middle of finals. This post cracked me up.

-Tammy

konycrayola said...

make new friends... on friendster! or resort to extended family. haha just kidding. i'm not totally against random dating in principle, but it seems to have a very low success rate, mostly because anyone can jump into the pool, and thus the pool is teeming with all kinds of smelly fish, not to mention sharks and moby dicks. (with less emphasis on moby.)