Our Siblings, Ourselves.

Right before I was about to walk down the aisle, my brother popped his head into my waiting area and said,

"You know sister, it's not too late..."

By which he meant, "You can still call off this wedding!"

What a horribly unnerving thing to say to a bride who's had perpetual cold feet. But it made me laugh...albeit somewhat nervously.


Growing up my brother was like a surrogate parent to me since both my parents worked long hours everyday. He cooked me after-school snacks...usually something from a can; he monitored my TV watching...by sitting on me until I surrendered the remote; he helped me with school reports late into the night; and he even swept my hair up in a bun every Tuesday and Thursday so that I could hop into my mom's car as soon as she honked the horn to drop me off at ballet lessons, just in the nick of time.

Once, in grade school, I was distraught because I had no Halloween costume to wear to class the following day. I knew there would be a school-wide parade where all the kids would snake in and out of classrooms, showing off their costumes. And I, all alone, would be costume-less.

The next morning I awoke to find two home-made costumes in the living room. Apparently, my brother had stayed up into the wee hours of the night (like one of those little cobbler elves) and made us matching costumes! He had cut neck-holes and arm-holes in two large brown paper bags (one for him, one for me) and attached all kinds of aluminum foil ornaments to it.

"What is that?" I asked him.

"It's your costume." he replied.

"What am I supposed to be?...a garbage can?" (yes, even back then I was cynical and harsh).

"No. You're a robot." he answered.

And to this day, my stomach feels queasy with guilt and pain when I remember what I said next. But for a kid who dreamed of princesses and unicorns, this was understandably not my cup of tea.

"What?!," I exclaimed, "I'm not going to wear this! I'll look stupid! And I don't want to match you!"

I've always felt ambivalent about having kids. But I know that if I have one, I will definitely try to have two.

Why would you want your kid to miss out on this?