Two views of a minor miracle

Lately there's been a lot of snow here. As a native Californian who never skis, it always feels like an eerie supernatural phenomenon.

Here are my attempts to remember this from two perspectives:

From within...



and without.

Things Fall Apart

On the immediate aftermath of a recent implosion, I still can't understand what happened. The end of an era, a dream--I knew it was too good to be true!

Things just fell apart.

Was it my fault? All of ours? What could have been done to save it? Why try ever again? Is it something I should file under "Q" for quixotic?

All I know is this. If you weren't on the same page to begin with, you shouldn't be surprised if one day you realize you're not even reading the same book.

And then you wonder if you really have anything in common at all? What's the point of it at all? Can there really be a relationship--much less a friendship--if conversation is strained, affiliation is lacking and interests are non-over-lapping?

What are we doing here then?

quizzes

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 9 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

You Are Socks!

Cozy and warm... but easily lost. You make a good puppet.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge. In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead! And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in. Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Men See You As Desirable

Men often find you immediately attractive and sensual You're honesty is refreshingly beautiful ... it draws guys in You are also able to be open with your feelings with no emotional baggage Packing light means you enjoy new relationships easily

How Do Men See You?

I've always wanted my own ch-ch-chia...

Which version do you like better?

(a) Picture one, nearly hairless.
(b) Picture two, very hair-ful.
(c) No facial hair, only full head of hair.
(d) Picture two, except no mustache please.
(e) Other.

Can I get a what what?

I miss the good ol' days when "A"s were handed out like Halloween candy--to pretty much every kid who showed up.

The "A"s started thinning out around college and now law school is down right brutal. I can't begin to express how much I hate the classic bell curve.

And it's not that the grades actually matter, because they don't. (I could get the same job pulling straight "A"s as I can with straight "B"s). But its the symbolism that counts.

"A" means good job.
Well done.
Excellent work.
You rock!

"B" means eh.

And that's what I miss most of all. The ego-stroking. It's so hard to get praise as you get older. Everyone gives kids so much darn credit for just standing there and looking effortlessly cute. "You're such a good boy!" "What a good helper you are!" "Gold star for you!"

But what about adults?

We need it just as much as kids (if not more), but suddenly, the well starts to run dry. Unless you are the creme de la creme, you will never hear a "good job." Employers expect you to do your job well--that's status quo. Thus you'll never hear a peep of praise unless you do your job freakishly well.

So for those of you who are superstars and always "feel the love"--good for you. I hate you and am secretly jealous.

But for the rest of us, the gigantic bulging middle of the curve, I say, solidarity brothers. Life is hard and praise is skimpy.

So let's remember to systematically lower the bar for each other.

The Other Dream

The American Dream is alive and kicking, as far as I know.

Sure there are pockets of political isolation and downward pressure that keep people from rising from poverty no matter how hard they try and how much they hustle. But all in all, this is still the land of opportunity and the purest system of meritocracy I know.

More than any other country, America offers upward mobility despite your race, religion, socio-economic background, or physical appearance.

If you are bright. If you test into the right schools. If you hustle. You can "make it". No matter who you are.

The only catch is that you have to be meritorious. You have to cut muster. You have to be in the top percentile. It is a meritocracy, after all.

Thus sometimes, even living in a meritocracy feels oppressive. Sometimes I just feel exhausted from the rat race. It's daunting and draining to strain to measure up every day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.

Somedays I wished I lived in a charitocracy. Where people are kind, no matter what. Even if you suck. Even if you're dull. And dumb. And boorish. And small-minded. Even if you make a mistake, or two, or ten.

A charitocracy: Where you don't have to strive for signficance and justify yourself through effort.

Because you already are.

Pain in the neck...and the shoulders...and

In order to graduate, every law student must write a big paper. Mine has been the bane of my existence for the last week or so.

My paper is due in early December and should have been started much earlier than I did. But I procrastinated. Big surprise.

But time pressure is not the worst part. The worst part is that I hate the subject. It is, to me, mind-numbingly boring. It's a paper about how to do research. Enough said. I don't even want to bore myself with the details of it here in my blog. Let's just leave it at that. I don't get excited about library of congress call numbers and database identifiers. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oops, I fell asleep even typing that!

Anyway, it feels like I spend my days watching paint dry, but add in some stress and anxiety because I still can't shake off the nasty feeling that my grades count for something.

Boy am I crabby.

Had to be there

Last weekend I went with a group of friends to, what I like to call, the Yosemite of the East, Franconia Notch State Park in New Hampshire.

It wasn't quite peak foliage, but the scenery did not disappoint. It's hard to describe what a magical and surreal experience it was walking through the Flume Gorge (full of waterfalls). I guess you had to be there.

But here's the next best thing:



I told Michael to get his best smile ready cause we'd probably get our Christmas Card picture from this trip. These are some contenders: (Feel free to let me know which one you think should make the coveted spot.)





And this last shot I just love. The composition, the scale, it's just amazing. It's like someone just photoshopped us into a 5000 piece puzzle! (Click on photo to enlarge).

Heartbreak Haiku

Darkness, emptiness.
Don't want to talk about it.
All hope is lost now.

Don't know when the heart
Will begin to hope again.
Part of me has died.

R.I.P. Cal's chance of National Championship Title 2007

OMG! WTF?

Still in shock and disbelief.

Sophmore, second-string, walk-on quarterback v. Heisman candidate.
Joke of a team v. #1 team in the nation.
Three fans v. Homefield advantage.
How could this happen?!


When crazy shit happens, I need a reason. I can't rest until I've found a logical explanation for it. Was it performance-enhancing drugs for Stanford? Was it over-confidant slacking for USC?

I was going crazy not knowing the reason for this epic upset, until Michael mercifully told me Booty broke his finger during the game.

Oh! That's what it was! I knew there was a good reason! A broken finger makes all the difference to a quarterback's passing game. Ok. Now I can relax. All is right with the world once again.

StanfURD still sucks.

Since when?

You think you'd know all about someone after 9 years.


But last weekend Michael and I went apple-picking with friends and he showed off some skills I had no idea he possessed.



What's next, fire-eating?

Wishlist Item of the Day

Most people already know that I am an avid couch potato and consummate purveyor of consumer goods (shopaholic). So naturally, when you combine the two, you get: The Home Shopping Network.

Yes, I spend a great deal of my day on HSN. Even when I'm "working" I have it on in the background and it fills my life with superficial joy.

I know all the hosts and hostesses by name, bannerline guests, their special pricing systems ("This day only" and "Today's Special"), and even the models' names! I know, I know, scary.

And every once in a while, I see something absolutely worth coveting, which I've decided to share on my blog.

Why? Perhaps it's my public-spiritedness, perhaps it's my irrespressible enthusiasm for the item, or perhaps its my attempt to half-justify a somewhat unhealthy activity.

For whatever reason, you, dear readers, are the beneficiaries.

So without further ado, here is my HSN Favorite Item of the Day:

Tula Candles

These are exquisite luxury candles with complex and exotic fragrances named after mythical goddesses and historical women of intrigue like the Princess of Nerola, Artemis' Dream, the Empress Josephine, and others.


Each has the purest burning wax and wicks of pure cotton so there is no black smoke and even the boxes it comes in are keepsakes because of their beautiful design. My personal favorite is the velvet votive set. This glass votive has ACTUAL velvet on its patterns!


With price points ranging from $12.95 to $24.95, this makes the perfect hostess or holiday gift for anyone. You'll never outstay your welcome if you bring this as a gift!

Hint, hint.

Blog Quiz: One Word Answers

1. Where is your cell phone? near

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? married

3. Your hair? flat

4. Work? none

5. Your father? active

6. Your favorite thing? time

7. Your dream last night? bad

8. Your favorite drink? water

9. Your dream car? none

10. The room you're in? study

11. Your pet? monkey

12. Your fear? meningitis

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? purposeful

14. Where did you hang out last night? home

15. What you're not good at? losing

16. Eyebrow rings on the opposite sex? pretentious

17. One of your wish list items? therapist

18. Where you grew up? Cupertino

19. The last thing you did? homework

20. What are you wearing? pajamas

21. what aren't you wearing? makeup

22. What are you doing today? little

23. Your computer? functional

24. Your life? better

25. Your mood? average

26. Missing? goal

27. What are you thinking about right now? Paul Potts

28. Your car? dying

29. Your work? Q#4

30. Your summer? surreal

31. Your relationship status? Q#2

32. Your favorite color? coral

33. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday

34. Last time you cried? today

35. School? sucks

P.S. Let me know if you do this quiz so I can read yours.

Respect

Shame on you ABC for not broadcasting (on the East Coast) one of the most exciting games ever in college football history this Saturday!

(Aside: Cal gets no respect on the East Coast, I'm telling you. I walk around with my Cal shirt on and people are always asking me, "What school is that? Caltech? UCLA?" No fool, it's Cal! Or as Britney would say, "It's Berkeley bitch.")

Back to the main subject: For the first time in two decades, Cal won on Duck territory and boy was it a close one!

Here is the winning play by Cal safety Marcus Ezeff. Look closely at where his feet is. That's the goal line! With the Ducks one touchdown away from tying the game, Ezeff knocked the ball out of Duck receiver Cameron Colvin's hands a hairsbreadth from the goal line with literally seconds left in the game! I think I would've had a heart attack if I saw it in real time.


This historic win puts Cal at number 3 in the nation and still number 2 in the PAC-10! Yeah baby! Be-lieve! Cal is having its best season ever and I'm hoping that when they face USC in a few weeks it will be two undefeated titans squaring-off in epic battle. Gosh I would love to be on tight-wad hill for that one.


No doubt that game will be broadcasted live on the East Coast. But that's only because USC's playing. When will Cal finally get some respect?! When it wins the national championship?

Hey, it could happen.

Inductee Into Fraudster's Hall of Fame

I just love a good fraud.

Remember Azia Kim, the teen who pretended to be a Stanford student for a good 9 months or so? Love her.

Remember the quiet unassuming bureaucrat who was actually a Russian spy for 20 odd years? Loved that.


And now there's Tania Head, a woman who claims to be a 9/11 survivor but who's story has never been verified. Read the gripping account here.

You know how I know she's probably guilty of fraud? She lawyered up. Her lawyer/mouthpiece tells reporters: “With regard to the veracity of my client’s story, neither my client, nor I, have any comment.”

No comment. There's a telltale sign if there ever was one.

I don't know why I love frauds and fraudsters. Maybe it's their ballsiness, that they dare tell a baldface lie to everyone they meet. Maybe it's morbid curiosity about the depths of treachery that everyday people are capable of. Maybe it's simple shadenfreude.

And maybe, just maybe, it's the mystery that fraudsters imbue to even the most mundane events of our lives: going to school, picking up mail, etc.

Who knows? Who knows whether your friendly neighborhood CPA is actually a huge Ponzi schemer? A mass murderer? A sociopathic spy? It just makes life a little more interesting for the rest of us.

That old familiar feeling

Lately I've been walking around in a daze,
thinking about everything and nothing,
contemplating my navel and my gut,
and getting nowhere it seems.

I have way too much unstructured time on my hands.

Last time this happened, I decided to go to lawschool.
And the time before that, seminary.
And the time before that, to be a classical languages major.

This time...
it's not like I can run off and start a new venture now, since the jaws of death (i.e., working for a law firm) is waiting for me right around the corner.

But in the few remaining months, I have just enough time to drive myself crazy thinking about where my life is going and not enough time to do anything about it.

What Senioritis Looks Like

Here I am "studying"...

The End of Student-hood

It's slowly dawning on me that this is my last year here. In law school. On the East Coast. As a student.

From here on out, if everything goes according to plan, I will be a working stiff, a homebody, and never again, a formal student.

This year should be the last year of two decades of schooling. (Wow, that's a lot of debt!)

And how do I feel about it?

Quite relieved actually. I've never liked formal education. From here on out, I can study what I want and ignore what I don't care about. I will only write what I feel and not care about the page limit. I will learn for the sake of learning and not for that cursed grade, that ever threatening and ominous shadow that sucks the life and joy out of the naturally invigorating experience of learning!

But of course, without the whip and lash of the grade, I may never actually try to learn again, lazy mind that I am.

Prisoner and Warden

At some point I realized that I never gave myself permission to do things that I wanted to do.

Sure I could do small things, like buy an extravagant purse, or spend a day goofing off, or even a week.

But lifelong commitments of significant time and cost were off-limits.

How liberating it is then to realize you have completely no motivation to do anything that you think you should do, and the only thing you can muster up the energy to do is the only thing you want to do.

God, save me from myself.

The Devil Update

I've decided on the heavy-set unibrow chick with a slight mustache.