106, 107, 108--Fri, Sat, Sun

Thanks to Mandi who suggested I take Judah to Kindermusic--I got the idea to play some piano for Judah. He was pretty attentive and smiley for over 30 minutes!


Maybe it's because these are songs he heard while he was in the womb.


This week was the best sleep I've ever had since Judah was born. I usually get 3.5 hours of sleep, feed Judah, and then get a 5.5 hour stretch. It's beautiful. I'm so glad we decided to sleep train him--and so thankful that he took to it so well.

His naps, however, are a poor 30 minutes each time. He wakes up crying and wailing and won't go back to sleep unless I put him in the ergo and bounce on the exercise ball.

And then he gets totally knocked out and looks so adorable.


There's nothing better than a sweet sleeping baby.

104, 105--Wed, Thu

Well all those books that say things get a lot better after the first 100 days are right!


Ever since you crossed the 100 day mark, life with you has been easier to handle. It's still tiring and all-consuming, but your digestion has gotten better and so has your night-sleeping. You now sleep in 4-6 hour stretches (partly because I let you cry until you've reached the 4 hour mark--but you don't cry too long, just a minute or two). We're still working on getting you to nap more than 30 minutes at a time though.

(Judah trying some sweet potato--just a lick)

You had a great first Thanksgiving visiting your great-grandma and great-grandpa for the first time. I was amazed that your great-grandpa had the strength to hold you since he's over 90 and you're over 16 lbs!


Lately I've started to realize that we need more structured activities. I'm getting bored of doing the same thing with you every day--bumbo sitting, activity gym, and stroller walk.

(Judah looking bored)

We need to go to new places, see more people, do new things. What shall we do?

102, 103--Mon, Tue

Monday I tried to ferberize your nap times. It was good and bad. First the good news.

For your morning nap, you cried for 40 minutes before dozing off. Not bad! I frankly felt like it was a miracle. Since your birth, you have never napped without assistance--holding, bouncing, rocking, etc.

For your next few naps you cried for about 2-3 minutes before sleeping. Good job baby!

The bad news is you don't stay down for too long--about 30 minutes only. I tried to make you stay down longer by leaving you to cry, but you just kept crying and crying and wouldn't stop for over 40 minutes. Here's a pic of you waking up sad from one of your crying episodes.


But after you eat, you're a happy guy again.


I decided to just let you wake up after 30 minutes since you certainly weren't going to nap after crying forever. But in the ergo, I could make you nap 1.5-2 hours pretty reliably. I wonder if you're not getting good quality sleep since you're now only taking these short catnaps? I decided to still ergo you once in a while so you'd at least sleep an hour sometimes.

Monday night you cried for 3 minutes when we put you down to sleep and then you slept great the rest of the night. Gosh, this ferberizing thing is going a thousand times better than I anticipated! I feel like we're not even "training" you since your just sleeping right through the night anyway.

Tuesday we went for another pediatrician check-up and more shots--polio and hep B. Those shots didn't sting as much as the previous so you were in a pretty good mood still for the rest of the day--thank goodness.

You are now 92nd percentile in weight (16 lbs 8oz) and 97th percentile in height (27 in) and 50th percentile in head circumference. Same as always. I wonder if you're going to grow up to be 7 feet tall?!

Oh, and one more very cute, but annoying thing--you've started to talk "on the boob." Instead of concentrating on chowing down, you'll sporadically babble and pull off and look me in the eyes and give me a big toothless grin. I don't want to encourage this behavior, but how can I not smile back at this adorable little face?

101--Sunday

Sleep Training Day 1

All day today I steeled myself for what I anticipated would be the hardest night of my life--listening to my sweet boy wailing and moaning in distress into the wee hours of the night.

By the time your night-night nursing came around, I was as jittery as a toddler at Halloween. I nursed you at 6pm and you fell dead asleep on the boob, as usual. But I took a deep breath, jiggled you until your little eyes opened, and then put you down in your crib tummy down.

You started fussing and turning your head from side to side, and I thought, "Here it comes..." But after a few seconds you just fell asleep. Very anti-climactic.

We decided you could only eat every 4 hours (and then later, we'd lengthen it gradually to every 5) so I waited eagerly to see if you'd make it to 10pm without waking up. And you did! You woke up at 11:15 and I fed you right away, jiggled you awake, and then put you down again.

You slept easily again, but then woke up at 12:40am crying hard. I thought, "This is it! Here we go!" You wailed and screamed and sounded so baleful and angry while your dad checked in on you at regular intervals. I tried to sleep with earplugs and really loud white noise, but it was impossible to ignore you and wonder how you were doing.

And then, magically, around 1:00am you were quiet. I nudged your dad and said, "He's quiet!" You were sound asleep and didn't wake up again until 3:40am, your next feeding time. And then you didn't wake up until 7am.

I, sadly, didn't sleep at all--I was so jazzed and wired about the whole thing.

Thoughts--So, you only cried 20 minutes during your first night of sleep-training. I'm kind of disappointed. I expected at least an hour of heavy sobbing and maybe a little vomit. Oh well. Although things could be considered to have gone well, I really don't think we're out of the woods yet. I think you just had one of your really good sleepy nights and it isn't representative of what you're going to do on average.

The real hard training is going to be during the day for your naps. You're not a good napper and you've NEVER napped without motion and a lot of assistance--either swinging or bouncing. I'm afraid you're going to skip all your naps today, crying through each one. Gulp.

100--Saturday

One hundred days--we made it!


One hundred days of ergo-ing you for naps.

One hundred days of fussy feedings, reflux, and gas pains.

One hundred days of fragmented sleep deprivation.


One hundred days of "Good morning sunshine!" and your nighttime lullaby.

One hundred days of pointing to you and saying "You're Judah", and then pointing to myself and saying "I'm mama."

One hundred days of shouting "Kisses!" and then planting big ol' kisses all over your chubby cheeks and mouth.


Until you, I would have never believed how much simultaneous pain and joy could be packed into a mere one hundred days.


Happy 100 Days sweet boy.

****************************

On a sadder note, I can't stop thinking about this video about a baby that only lived for 99 days. I'm warning you now, get the Kleenex ready.

99--Friday

Friday was one of your crankiest days ever. I don't remember when you've been in such a foul mood all day long. I blame the dark, rainy weather.

You seemed listless and tired the whole day (probably because of the dim lighting) and mostly slept fitfully. But when your actual bed time rolled around, I guess you were so bored from a day of under-stimulation, you started screaming like a banshee.

You refused to be comforted by the ergo or by nursing (or walking, bouncing, and anything else we tried), but you finally quieted when we took you outside in the rain (with me as your PUH--personal umbrella holder). Of course we couldn't be out in the cold rainy night for too long, so we went back in the house eventually, where you proceeded to continue screaming!

And then I thought, if you want stimulation, maybe we can play you some music. I played some Red Mountain Church songs for you (on full volume) and you quieted down instantly! You even started to sing along! We did that for an hour or so until you started screaming again--this time, probably because you were over-stimulated and wanted to go to sleep finally.

I tried to nurse you to sleep as usual, but you would have none of it. Instead, your dad had to ergo you into the wee hours of the night. When he finally put you down at around 11:30pm, you popped back up at midnight, 2am, 3am, and finally 5am.

Your nighttime wakings are clearly increasing and becoming untenable. This is NOT acceptable buddy. After another horrible night, and talking to Mandi about her sleep training experience, I am fully on board, 100% committed to starting to ferberize you Sunday night.

We need to nip this in the bud before it gets even worse!

I know that in the middle of the night, when you're screaming at the top of your lungs for over an hour, I'm going to want to cave in and stop the sleep training. So here are some things I can tell myself to steel my resolve:

(1) Thousands of parents have sleep trained their babies and they are all fine. Some have started the training at just 8 weeks old or younger.

(2) You won't suffer any permanent damage for an occasional night or 2 (or 3 or 4) of heavy crying.

(3) If we don't train you now, your sleeping habits will just continue to deteriorate until you're waking us every hour!

(4) It'll be harder to train you when you get older. The younger you are, the easier for you to break your associations.

(5) Learning to put yourself to sleep at night will translate into better napping skills too. Soon, perhaps I won't have to ergo or swing you for all your naps! That in turn means, no more shoulder and back aches for your poor parents--especially as you're approaching 20lbs.

(6) No one wants to ergo you all night long. And if we don't, you scream anyway.

(7) And finally, the kicker, I'm tired of not sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time!

Here's a pic of you in your crib--before it's drenched with your wailing sleep-training tears!

97, 98--Wed, Thu

A lot has happened these last couple days.

Most significantly, your dad and I (mostly your dad) have decided to sleep train you! I feel really conflicted--not wanting you to cry all night, but also wanting to teach you to sleep/nap better.

Your dad has no problem having you cry and cry and cry. He says it doesn't hurt you in the least bit and you won't even remember it. I don't know.

Anyway, your sleep habits have really deteriorated in the last few weeks, so I guess it might be time...unless I want to keep waking up every 2 hours at night.

Your dad has slated this coming Sun, Mon, Tue, and Wed nights for the first big days of training. I'm totally dreading this.

And now onto happier things...

You've gotten a few new toys!

Here's you sitting in a Bumbo chair, courtesy of Peg. Got to train those sitting muscles.



Here's you playing with your little activity mat.


And you playing on your deluxe activity mat.


I try to give you tummy time everyday and you are making great strides in lifting up your head AND chest!


I have still yet to see you reach out and grasp for things, but every week it seems you make really great developmental strides.

Thursday we went to the mom's group again and stayed for lunch. You were really great and calm and for the first time ever, I pushed you around in your stroller instead of wearing you in your ergo or moby wrap. I felt like a "real" mom, collapsing your stroller in my trunk and pushing you around.

You really are a sweet, chill guy when we're out and about. You don't even care if you skip naps or meals. One mom commented on how "good natured" you seem, as her baby was wailing and fussing.

Talking to the moms at lunch, I realized that they are all rather mature--most are in the 38-40 range. No wonder they're so into attachment parenting! They've waited their whole lives for their precious bundle and have vast resources of time and money to lavish on them. I think I'd scandalize them by sharing that I'm going to ferberize you! Le scandal!

96--Tuesday

Last night you FINALLY slept at 8pm (an hour later than your usual bedtime due to tummy issues--you spit up tons) and woke up at 11pm, 2pm, 3pm, 4pm (this time you screamed like a banshee for 15 minutes at your dad and wouldn't stop until I came in and held you), and 6pm. I think it might be time to feberize you.

But every time I contemplate doing so, I feel awful. I don't want you to cry and wail for hours. What if we're not doing it right? What if you really do have legitimate needs that you can't "self-soothe" away? What if your brain development is just not there yet (since you do seem to be a little behind in your milestones)? Maybe I'll wait til you're a little older.

But then, it could be harder to change your habits. And in the meantime, your poor parents will be continuing to suffer sleep deprivation torture.

What to do, what to do.

On the upside, we had a fun visit from Peg and baby Isaac yesterday. It's so great to be able to share being new moms with Peg.


At 9 mo, Isaac was really social and reached out to you as Peg told him to use his "gentle touch."


You, however, were oblivious to it all.


Here we are, just a couple of strollers strolling by with our strollers.


And here's a random naked picture--you're so barrel-chested!

95--Monday

Well, life with you is ever so slowly starting to get easier.

I think my body is getting used to the fragmented sleep and it isn't making me feel so exhausted (and totally cranky) all the time. I marvel that I haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep at a time since you were born (and most days, no more than 2). And probably won't until you're 6 months?

Now I understand why babies have to be so darn cute--otherwise, their moms would NOT want to put up with them.

I've thought a lot about ferberizing you now that you're a full 3 months old. But I just dread the thought of hearing you cry your head off for a long period of time. And besides, I really do think you only wake because of hunger and gas pains. Lately I've been waking up about 2x a night (sometimes 3) to feed you...that's not so bad.

Here are some random pics:

I love how you stretch out after an occasional good feeding. (Of course, half the time, you cry and wail after feeding, which is not so cute).



Here's a make-shift "chair" your dad made for you.


I love when you share your thoughts with me.


Your eyelids get bright red after you have a good cry--you look like a geisha!

92, 93, 94--Fri, Sat, Sun

I can't remember anything significant happening Friday.

Saturday was your true 3 month birthday! You capped it off with a crazy screaming cryathon at night for about 3 hours. I haven't seen you this inconsolable and upset since you were a newborn. You hated the ergo, refused to nurse, and just screamed and screamed. Your dad and I had no idea what was wrong and thought we might have to go to the ER!

But eventually, around 9pm, you tired yourself out and fell asleep in my arms. Ah, sweet silence. And then you proceeded to have one of your best night times EVER--waking up only twice at night, with a 3 and 5 hour sleep stretch. I guess you were just exhausted from all that crying.

You continued your good behavior into Sunday, where you enjoyed all the attention at church. You were completely unfazed by all the crowds, noise, and people holding and passing you around like a sack of potatoes. I think you kinda liked it. You didn't even care that you skipped 2 of your naptimes altogether!

This Sunday was also great because it was your dad's ordination service.


We are really proud of him getting ordained in the PCA. Now you're officially the son of a preacher man.

89, 90, 91--Tue, Wed, Thu

Wow, I can't believe there's only 10 days left until your 100 day mark!

You have good moments and fussy moments, but generally I like the direction that things are trending in. Your tummy troubles seem to be getting better with the probiotics and you're generally a calmer, more settled dude.

I was kind of annoyed Thu because you needed to be in the ergo for all of your naps. But at least that gave me the chance to watch Tropic Thunder (and part of Dreamgirls). It was thoroughly enjoyable--one of the funniest movies I've ever seen--and now I can't stop calling you Simple Judah (followed with "the Tale of a Simple Baby").

Here's you, Simple Judah, in your big boy pajamas (for a 12 mo):


And Simple Judah stretching after his meal:

87, 88--Sunday, Monday

Sunday I was feeling pretty down because I felt like you weren't making enough progress fast enough. (I admit, I was comparing you to other babies near your age in the new mom's group).

Your digestion is still bad. You don't sleep well at night. And you're not really improving developmentally and socially. You barely look at us in the eye (I was really starting to worry that you're autistic), and you don't talk as much as you used to.

Your dad thinks all of this is because you were sleeping on a moldy crib sheet. Yes, we were horrified to look under your mattress pad and find a giant petri dish of mold growing underneath it. Apparently you had vomited on the crib sheet, it never dried out, and we put the mattress pad on top--creating the perfect condition for mold to sprout.

But today, I feel much better. Your dad reminded me that things used to be a lot worse and you have improved lots. For example...

--you used to scream and cry in your car seat, but now you're quiet when I play your favorite CD.

--you used to fuss and grow impatient in your stroller, but now I can take you for long walks and you love it.

--you used to hate changing diapers, but now you stare at your mobile and babble for a long time.

--you used to need us to hold you or ergo you for every nap, but now you'll sleep in your cradle swing for at least 30 minutes at a stretch.

--you used to fuss and cry at every feeding, popping on and off, but now you're much calmer.

--and just today, you found your thumb to suck on!


But one thing hasn't changed at all since your birth--I think you're darn cute!

85, 86--Friday, Saturday

On Friday you got your first baby toy--Jacque the Peacock.


You loved staring at him and sampling his feathers with your mouth.


On Saturday, I got discouraged again because your nighttime habits have regressed to your early newborn stages--you woke up 4 times! It's so brutal when you only go 2 hours between feeding--it takes me 40 minutes to feed you and put you down, 40 minutes to fall back asleep myself, which leaves me almost no time to actually sleep.

I can't wait to sleep train you as soon as you finish your 3 month mark!

84--Thursday

Today we went to the new mom group again. This time, we stayed for lunch!

I was afraid you'd fuss and scream if we were out too long, but you were quite good. I popped you in my moby wrap and you were generally happy. I loved socializing with the other moms (although I'm kind of sad I'm the only Asian mom there). We swapped birth stories and I got to tell them how much I loved the pushing part of labor.

Last night was another difficult night. You used to sleep 4-5 hours at a stretch, but lately, it's been only 2-3 hours. Last night, you got up to eat again after just 1.5 hours! And then you proceeded to scream in pain. Your dad held you and you threw up twice. You do that a lot at night (and during the day).

I wonder when your digestion will get better. It is wreaking havoc on our sleep! I gave you some baby acidophilus today (thanks Brandon!) so maybe you'll feel better tonight.

In other news, here's a pic of you in your My Little Lamb cradle swing. We just got it for you last week and I think it's the greatest invention ever made. I wish I had one of these things when you were a newborn because you'll sleep in this for over an hour! I think every preggo should get this as a shower gift. 1400 positive reviews on Amazon can't be wrong!

Newborn Mom Brain

Just wanted to say that a few weeks ago, I ate sour milk.

I poured myself a bowl of cereal and milk and took a bite. It was really sour. I thought it was because the cereal had "blueberry" flavor in it--it was the spouse's cereal and not my usual stuff.

I drank the entire bowl of milk. The spouse later said he threw out the milk because it went bad.

I waited all day to throw up and feel queasy. I never did. I have a stomach of steel!

82, 83--Tue, Wed

Tuesday night you screamed in pain again at your 2am night feeding. But at least this time I was able to settle you in just 10 minutes and you were back to sleep in no time.

Nursing you 2-3 times at night is not so bad, in and of itself. It's the insomnia afterward that kills me. It's so hard to fall back asleep after being up for 45 minutes or so--sometimes walking you around, bouncing you, and generally panicking because you might get fussy.

I might have to ask your dad to do a night time feeding again. I feel bad about that though because you hate drinking from a bottle and it's really hard to settle you afterward. It takes me an hour to feed you and soothe you, whereas it'll probably take your dad 3 hours all told.

Wednesday was one of your best days ever! You were calm and happy all day long. I don't think you cried or even whimpered for a second. You ate like a little angel and you barely spit up. I thought, for a brief moment--things are getting better! Maybe you're finally turning that corner!

But then you woke up a lot at night, every 2-3 hours, to eat--culminating in a 5am screaming fit after feeding. And it was hell. Oh well.

Here's a pic of you admiring a handsome devil--you love smiling at yourself in the mirror:

81--Monday

Well, it's now 2 nights in a row that you've screamed bloody murder at night and refused to be comforted. You've always been such a peaceful nighttime eater/sleeper. What's going on?!

Last night I started to feed you at 2am and you started crying right away. I gave you some Zantac and you seemed to calm down after that, ate well, and started to drift off to sleep in my arms. But then, after dozing for about 5 minutes, you started turning your head from side to side and becoming unsettled. Before I knew it, you were fully awake and eventually, screaming.

I think it all has to do with your poor digestion. Something's not right. I plan on getting you some baby pro-biotics (acidophilus) this week at Whole Foods. Oh, please let that work! It's one thing to bounce you to sleep for 2 hours during the day, but another thing entirely to do that in the wee small hours of the night!

And, as always, some pics:

Here I am burping you, as I often do. You spit up prodigious amounts of milk--all my hard work down the drain!


Here's you as an executive baby.


And here's you as an executive baby who likes to suck on his fist for comfort.


Here's you getting some tummy time. You've improved your head-lift a lot in just a couple days! Good work out buddy.

80--Sunday

Happy First Halloween Judah!


I wanted to dress you in your Lil' Pumpkin suit yesterday, but you pooped on it! Oh well. I can't wait until this time next year. You'll be one year old and able to actually wear a costume and go trick-or-treating. How fun!

You were a lot more social at church yesterday now that you're able to stay awake for longer periods. I think you enjoyed all the attention.


On the downside, last night was brutal. I had insomnia until 3am in the morning! Then, you woke up at 4am to eat and proceeded to scream bloody murder after downing your food. You did that again at 6am too. Thank God your dad was there to soothe you while I tried to ignore your screams through my foam earplugs.

And of course, this precipitated another one of my famous tearful meltdowns.